why being a woman sucks!

Hey readers,

Sometimes being a female can be lovely but other times it can totally suck. Let me tell you the things that I hate as a women.

I suppose the most obvious one is periods, which occur typically once a month where your emotions are all over the place and if that is not bad enough, you have blood for five to seven days leaking out of your vagina.

U by Kotex Brand shocked facepalm smh period GIF

A pain is having to wear bras and dealing with twisted straps, it is so frustrating.

The size of female clothing is ridiculous and varies from one shop to the next. Men have it is so much easier because they have a certain measurement that fits where as different sizes occur in women’s fashion, grrrrrr.

Feeling that if you have too many emotions going on then your not taking serious to the point where people deem you as being a drama queen.

 sad no baby crying emotions GIF

Pressures of being thin and trying to be this perfect ideal is horrible and you feel crap most of the time because I am so fucking fat.

You can’t pee anywhere, you have to find a suitable place to sit. I am so jealous of men that can piss anywhere including a bottle.

This expectation that us females are good at cooking, talking and all the other crappy stereotypes, not round here mate.

The pain of having to frequently  shave your legs in the summer if you want to wear a skirt.

If you chose to wear miscara are or eye make up and restraining yourself from rubbing your eyes or else you end up looking like Alice Cooper’s sister.

This idea that females are meant to be good at communicating and that we all love small talk. Well I don’t and I am suitable shit at, not to mention saying things at the wrong time.

Cheers for reading X

 

Today is the day

Hey readers,

I know I am like a recorder player keep coming back and discussing the same old topic. So I am really sorry if it is repetitive and boring. But I need to do something and I need to lose weight. TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!

I don’t know why i get into these viscous cycles of binges. I need to focus, so where better then my blog to help keep a record of my ‘weightless journey’.

Argh…. so today I have eaten a cream egg (not so bad until the rest), 5 kit kat things and 500g Galaxy caramel washed down with full fat coke cola (330ml). I feel sick, hideous and ashamed. I did this when the husband was out and feel like  a sneaky snake. Because let’s face binge eating is sneaky and private.

Why do I do it? well from as young as 7 I turned to food for comfort, whether good or bad, I was there shuffling it in. Sadly, I now have piled on the pounds and I now the heaviest I have ever been.

I have lost weight so I know can do it, it is the change of behaviour and quitting the sugar.

To me sugar is like a drug and so very addictive. Once you start getting sugar, you just want more and more of the fucker. I want to quit it because I don’t enjoy it and it is merely but an enemy now, who I hate!

I struggle with willpower but hoping to use a goal such as lose x amount and I can buy something that i desperately want. If I don;t reach that goal I have to weight. What I am going to do is every pound I lose i put aside £1. When I have got the money for the desired object i can pay for it. My first thing that I want is some more emoji cards for my light box.

 

Wish me luck.

Today is the start:

Start weight – 14.11.5

goal weight 13.11.5

Here is a full shot of me and like most over weight people hate it!

cheers for reading X

January blues

Hey readers,

Can you believe that it is the 6th January already, ugh! Looking out of my window it is wet and miserable and I currently feel a bit pants, I think it is the case of the January blues. I tell you why I frigging hate this month.

  • Firstly, lets start with the fact that  you are now skint after the holidays after you have spend all your money on presents. Not to mention the amount of money you have forked out for them sodding rides, especially in my town they seem to overdosed the area in them. The one’s your little darlings can locate two miles away and because you have to go shopping with sodding the kids you can’t avoid them, ugh!
  • You are fat, because you have over indulged and put on another half a stone, of course it was fun at the time when I was stuffing my face with mince pies without a care in the world. Now I have to work my even bigger fat ass off because I can’t afford to buy bigger clothing because I am skint, init!
  • You have to deal with the mega sugar withdraws when your cold and skint.
  • It is back to normality and routine where lie-ins or lazying around are NOW not acceptable! Let’s not forget the dreaded the school run and silly o’clock, it is an absolute disgrace I tell ya!
  • The comedown from Christmas and the sense of magic has gone.
  • Everything feels bare and all the pretty lights have gone away. So now all I see is unattractive concrete.
  • It is cold, wet and generally boring because all the excitement of December has vanished.
  • Then there is them New Year’s resolutions that evaporate after the first week of  January casing you to go deeper into the blue mood.

Cheers for reading X

You Baby Me Mummy

Changing habits 

​Hey readers,

I have started doing vlogging as an extension to my blog. There has been something that I have noticed since editing the videos in the way I see myself.

 I don’t have mirrors in my home which is a shame as it really did help me keep things real as sometimes I am a bit deluded with thinking that I am not as fat as I look. But actually seeing myself in reality I know I have a problem.  You see I am a binge eater… I go to food for whatever the occasion maybe; sad, angry, happy, anxious you name it I am there stuffing my face. Sadly with all the wrong food. 

It is something  I have battled with most of life and it was a problem even when I was a child but could hide it becuase I was slim. We all know binge eaters are hiders/ sneaky and keep it to them selves. 

I Need to retrain my brain and stop relying on food so much as a comforter. I need to lose weight as it is causing me to have problems with my feet and walking. I want to be healthy and not be ‘at risk’. I have now started using a mirror at home again which has really helped me to keep things real. In addition to that I have safe foods, which I am trying to go to when I want to eat or use my hands.

 So far this week has been tough on my journey. Which by the way is going be one hell of a ride. BUT instead of looking at the big picture I need to focus on small, relistic goals to keep me on track and motivated.  

I have been swapping foods for healthy options. I love Branburn apples and have found that they have helped settle my hunger.

 It is early days yet but another trick I have constantly being using this week is talking to myself not in a crazy way but trying to repeat mantures in times of weakness. The kind of things I talk about is reminders as to why I want to lose weight and reasoning with myself that yes I would enjoy a bag of chocolate, it would be enjoyable however that won’t cure the problem. It is merely just an instinct gratification and will just keep the cycle rolling. 

It has been hard work but if I want to change the habit it will take on average 21 days *Gulp*. 

In the end I will benefit and things will change. I just got to stick at it with all my willpower.

Cheers for reading X

Reflections From Me