I have anxiety and depression and one of the problems with these conditions is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are frightening, they are exhausting (for me) they feel and they make me very anxious. They feel real and can potentially turn into a cycle where the thoughts can come quickly. They may be thoughts that are fear induced or down to lack of control., Control is a big trigger for me and my anxiety.
So, now I am going to share with you some of the kind of silly things my brain tries to tell me and trick me into believing.
- Husband is going to call social services because I have the TV on therefore I am not a good parent.
- such and such a teacher is watching my every move I make, see if I am capable. They are taking notes and discussing me in a negative light with their colleagues. They are taking the piss out of me because I stutter, I am shaking and crying. They are watching me and judging me because I am fat, I can’t engage. They think I am not a good parent and I shouldn’t look after my kids.
- My husband is going to die, he is out and won’t come back. He hates me and blames me for everything.
- My husband when out shopping with the boys, I get fearful especially for long periods that they have died in the car. I am petrified and shaking. I am having very dark imagery thoughts about how the bodies are dismantled in the car, the process of imagining them dying in the car.
- A parent in the playground is looking at me, talking about how ugly I am. How rubbish parent I am. How socially awkward I am. How retarded my children are.
The examples I have given are just a handful of examples, that have happened in the last couple of days. I wanted to share how horrible the thoughts can be and they are so scary. People assume anxiety is something a bit mandy pandy but it is a struggle. It is a battle every day for me. Sometimes I have better days, sometimes I have worse days. But the anxiety is always there ready and waiting.
Cheers for reading X
I love to sleep and I can not lie. I think sometimes especially as parents sleep can go on the back burner or not taken seriously. As a person who suffers from mental health problems I fully am aware of the importance of sleep. There are so many good reasons why getting forty winks is really important and can have an impact mentally and physically for your wellbeing.
sleep reduces stress, it allows you to have a break, a rest and time for your body to naturally heal after a long day.
When sleeping the immune system is activated and helps to give the body the healing process, that is why it is so beneficial to sleep when you a cold or flu.
Sleep is the best meditation ~ Dalai Lama
Sleep can help you feel refreshed and rejuvenated allowing you to feel creative and the energy to face the day ahead.
Sleep helps us feel better and less irritable. We are more patient and less likely to ‘loss it’ because we have more energy to think things through. We are much calmer because we have more free space to think as we have the energy to do so, making us more patient and allowing to take time to think logically.
Sleep helps us regulate positive and negative emotions and sleep helps us less likely to respond to emotional stimuli giving us time to enjoy the day.
Having a good night sleep improves memory and performance which ultimately gives us more free time if we do things quicker. Therefore getting more out of the day.
Sleep has many benefits to your physical help with reducing the risk of type 2 diabetes, your immune system function and helping keep your heart healthy because it gives the body time to process correctly.
Cheers for reading X
I know the time will come,
until then I wait,
not knowing what to expect,
lead to one outcome,
still, I am waiting.
Who am I,
I have lost my identity,
I feel I am replaced,
by a robot,
everything seems to function,
My word of the week is:
Because I am trying to adjust to my medication that makes me feel pretty lousy a,s it has a massive side effect of drowsiness. I am working on a system that works best for me and my body. It is still under working progress! I am just glad I have my husband as my registered carer or else I would be royally screwed.
One major additional pressure is that it is half term and there is constant noise, so many things to do and trying to juggle them all is an act in itself. Don’t get me wrong I do love having the boys around, it is just they have so much energy that it is exhausting to watch, haha!
Hope you have had a fab week!
Cheers for reading X