When I was a child I did this thing called masking, aka faking it and what this means is that I learnt the behaviour of others. The problem being is that if something changes that I can mess up badly because I can’t be flexible with my thinking. That is the one of the characteristics of autism is we manage change and see things black or white especially when it comes to learn.
I think it’s really hard being an autistic girl growing up because there is so much more pressure to be sociable then a boy. That all the boys got away with not getting noticed there for less social pressure. I used to absolutely hate being a girl because of this reason and I thought boys had it a lot easier or more relaxed attitude with regards to social and communication which suited me perfectly.
Now that I’m an adult I find it a bit more easier because I have more experience and knowledge but I still frequently mess up. If I am feeling anxious or if there is too much going on in my head can’t seem to focus on the rules. There are times when stressful factors cause me more brain power than normal and it is like I regress in my behaviour. That is why it’s so hard to measure autism, as it is not something that you can say x y and z it’s constantly shifting depending on the environment and mindset of that individual.
Since being a parent I have learnt that there are so many other social rules involved when bringing up a child.
I first it’s lovely when my children where new born as there is less pressure on me to be sociable but since my child has started school last year I noticed that there’s a hell of a lot more interaction going on.
Me being an autistic parent does affects my self esteem. A lot of the time I feel inadequate, especially as my husband is very good at communicating and engaging with others. It leaves me feeling really angry and frustrated. I know comparing is the worst thing to do but it coincides with me learning of other people.
I think one of the hardest and upsetting things is when people don’t see you as an individual but some sort of invalid because you’re autistic. They don’t look past the label or they do but then they just talk down to you in a condescending way. The thing is I am aware exactly what is happening, I just I don’t have the skills to communicate and express myself as clearly as other people do.
It has really made me feel quite low at times because I feel like I can’t give my child everything that a typical parent has to offer. I suppose that is why I enjoy the school holidays more because I don’t have to worry about the social things. The only downside is that when I return I have to deal with the social side of education and what not.I feel rubbish and I have felt very very low causing me to struggle to get up in the mornings. I have also learnt to avoid situations and tend to get my husband to do them tasks because it’s too upsetting at times to have to face the discrimination against me. I think that’s one of the saddest things about being an autistic parent is the fact that you deal with a lot of rejection or misunderstanding. I like my voice isn’t heard and again that familiar Outcast feeling appears.
It is the summer holiday break up today and as I took my son to school I witnessed the amount of presents a lot of parents brought with them to hand out to the teachers.
I be honest, I don’t believe in giving teachers presents because for one I am forced to take my child to school and ok I could go down the route of home schooling but I am just capable and I want to give my son the best opportunities. I am a strong believer in giving people the choice and it feels a little bit false, in the fact that there is pressure from Clintons etc. I believe in choice and it just feels like you have to do it.
Part of me sees it as a competition from parents to get the present (but that is a whole new political post of its own). I wonder whether there is a bit of arse linking because if they are giving praise etc. it can influence how they view the child.
OK, now it’s that some are genuine and what to do something to say thank you to their teacher for helping their child. But what happens if you don’t have the funds and some people can’t even afford a spare quid, so don’t give me that one.
Why do we have to buy material stuff, ok it is easier to buy a box of chocolates, it just seems that to say thank you to the teacher to buy them stuff. It is peer pressures at its finest, if you haven’t brought a teacher something then there is a change you feel guilty or embarrassed. I don’t think parents should have to feel like this but I know some people do.
So, therefore I believe that it should be band to buy stuff for teachers as parents have enough stuff to buy and find the money (I know this struggle I have been there it makes you feel totally crap as a parent).
Today is 30 degrees outside which means hot and sweaty weather, perfect for us fat people (like myself) or thought it is not just an overweight persons problem but anyone really who has thighs that touch. What better thing to weather is a skirt or a dress to help keep you cool, One problem with this idea and it is the awful CHUB RUB.
If you have never heard of the term chub rub it is basically where your thighs sweat so much and rub together causing friction which results in painful red area and could potentially lead to painful blister. Something that you want to experience especially when also dealing with the heat.
So, how do you deal with chub rub you are asking?well, for a short term relief you could use talc powder/deodorant or similar to help, the only downfall is that it is short lived and sweating loads can cause it not to be effective.
Of course there is the trusted cycling shorts to but barrier between your thighs. Fantastic and I can declare it works. Downside is that it is an extra layer of clothing, meaning more sweat. Which if you ok with it then go ahead. For me I hate sweat and what to feel as comfortable as possible.
Next is this product called Lanacane anti-chaffing gel which works wonders and lasts a long time. I keep it in my bag in case I need to add any more when I am out and about. It is a bit pricey but so worth it. This is not a review, but my own personal opinion on the this product. It is non-greasy and after it feels silky so really nice feel on your skin.
How do you deal with chub rub? Love to hear other people’s tips.
Cheers for reading X
This is not a review, it is just me wanting to share my experience of ways to deal with chub rub.