Benefits of practising silence

Hey readers,

There is so much noise around whether on TV, phone, tablet whatever there is constantly things that are grabbing our attention.

Sometimes it can really get to me and that is why it is important to take ten minutes a day along in the quiet to just be without any distractions.

I have started doing this a few months ago and I will be honest at first I did find it really hard with having so many racing thoughts. But over time it gets easier with practice.

Silence,tree,snow,white

I find taking time out each day really helps me appreciate the moment and slowing down. It gives me that time to just stop and breathe. I simply do nothing and it is really relaxing to just let go.

I lie on my bed (that is my favourite place to be) I turn everything off and close my eyes and let whatever comes into my head slip away. I forget about it if it is important it will come back to me.

Silence,landscape,panorama,sea

I think it is a real skill to learn to be present and at the moment, even if it is just for a small percentage of the day. The world moves fast and it is to not notice. to just sit and be mindful, to feel whatever it is and just breathe. I am not massively into mindfulness but just sitting and breathing has helped greatly with learning to relax, which funny enough is something I am not very good at.

Silence,prayer,silence,ocean

I have found it to help my anxiety and thoughts by training myself to not feed into them but focus on the sensory of the hear and now. I am learning to let go of the anxiety and knowing that ten minutes of the day is mine to just be, relax and appreciate what is happening right here, right now.

Cheers for reading X

 

Hair pulling and autism

Hey readers,

One of my problems due to my depression and autism is that I can pull my hair out. I link it to sensory purposes as sometimes I am so numb that I want to feel something or hurt myself. I have been knowing to pull and yank my hair when I am very distressed. I have ripped out clumps of hair when I am going through a meltdown or when I am really angry because I don’t always have the communication skills to express myself. Sometimes, I feel that I need to punish myself because I am not a good parent. I hate myself and worry that I am royally screwing up my children because I have a disability and can not always give the opportunities that other parents can give to their children.

I know it is not the ‘normal’ way to self-harm that has been popularised over the years. I get so frustrated and hurt myself due to low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy due to my autism.  I know this is a sad state of affairs but it is true.

I have always struggled with my autism probably because of past responses of parent/carer when I was younger of not being good enough or the adult of my care being in denial and rejecting my diagnosis. Even to this day I still battle with the thoughts frequently.

I have discussed in a vlog before about skin picking but I haven’t mentioned hair pulling because I was in a bit of denial. I feel through the autism community is good online in accepting and promoting praise for the disability. I feel that if you were to pipe up and say actually sometimes I don’t like being autistic, that you might get abuse and people won’t like you. I guess I am not yet that strong to always speak out and be honest about how I am feeling. I think it is something with time and with my confidence in blogging writing it will come out.

Maybe one day I may get so bad that I need to look at treatment to sort out my hair. One way could be a hair transplant. look into hair transplant cost

Cheers for reading X

Ways that I de-stress

Hey readers,

Sometimes, for whatever reason it can be hard to wind down, particularly if your stressed out and full of energy. It is good to have a plan to know what kind of things that help you unwind. I know myself, when feeling angry I can not think rationally. That is why it is important to think pre-stress to what helps you calm down. There are many things but I thought I would give you some of my own personal example of things that help and you never know, they may help you.

stressed

via Pixabay

  1. Colouring.
  2. Taking a hot shower.
  3. Writing a poem.
  4. Writing blog post about your experience.
  5. Getting distracted by ideas on Pinterest.
  6. Going out for a walk to clear your head and taking yourself away from the situation.
  7. Reading and losing yourself in a story. Helps to focus on something different other then what you are presently feeling.
  8. Painting nails can make you feel better and also it is a physical think which needs your attention.
  9. Watching a comedy and laughing is good for the soul.
  10. Singing some songs can make you feel better and get the frustration out.
  11. Drawing some doodles or sketching can be therapeutic.
  12. Having a sleep and escape from it for a bit.
  13. Doing some exercise can help kick out some of that pent up frustration.
  14. Being kind to yourself – positive affirmations. Remembering that what you feel now is temporarily.
  15. Do some housework, something that can make you feel better and in control.

Cheers for reading X

Diary of an imperfect mum

Bag of nerves 

Here we go again,

Shaking like a leaf,

My bag I’d full of anxiety,

Too distressed for all this,

I’m so tense,

I fear I may snap,

I can’t stay still,

I’m on the move,

I’m so scared,

Nothing is worse,

Then this battle within.

I feel flustered and jittery,

The shakes won’t go,

Till I wear me down 

So much so,

The exhaustion 

Acts as a buffer,

Till it starts all over again,

My neurotic mind 

Reaches new levels,

I  am afraid of the future 

Wondering when

It will stop. 

Prose for Thought

Letter to the lady in the resturant 

Hey Lady,

Yes I see you give me evils, I know what your thinking, how dare I bring my child to the restaurant and the check of it to let it scream blue murder. I know your children are perfect sitting there ignoring each other with there electronics. I don’t care normally, but when you judge me, I will judge you. Your subtle involvement is merely rude and unhelpful. I am a parent of two young children and they are not perfect nor is my parenting. Yes they make noise but that is there right and sometimes it can get out of hand. However, us parents are trying to deal with the situation and stop the horrendous noises. Your judgement really is unhelpful to say the least.

You see we were travelling back home from a long day visiting relatives and it was bank holiday. My hubby really wanted an Indian and to be honest he is a bit of foodie. I on the other hand much prefer McDonalds with children, at least no one judges you when your child if it decides to have a tantrum.

But why can’t we eat in a restaurant, there is no law that says we can’t. We are just left to feel rubbish because we are not performing seals. I know you would love us to ‘control’ our child but I am too liberal for that carry on. Why should I hide behind doors or feel ashamed my child is not perfect, he is three for God’s sake and can sit no longer then five minutes if we are lucky. But he needs to learn the rules of the game, needs to test his boundaries,more important mummy and daddy need to fucking eat and this is the only place to get food this time of the day.

The tuttering doesn’t help anyone and you are not squeaky clean here either. You are four adults getting pissed further and further into the night and making your own ridiculous loud volume. Now, this doesn’t normally bother me but if you keep looking at me every other second, it bothers me. you made me feel shit and a bad parent. I am no one near perfect but for I try, and nothing is worse for someone with social anxiety to feel that they are constantly being judged. So next time please think about your actions, you may want instant action but it has left me feeling pretty crappy and desperate to escape, much to the annoyance of my husband.

Next time I am not asking you to be my friend,  all I want is you to try to be a little more understanding, it would make a huge difference. It would break down the whole judgement that seems to happen frequently when we go out to adult type places. Giving parents with little self confidence the encourage to go out with the child. Even if it is just to a restaurant to eat without feeling judged.

Yours sincerely,

the mother with the screaming, over tired and not always having the vocabulary to express himself three year old.

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