My word of the week is:
I haven’t done a word of the week linky for awhile because I just wanted a break from all the linkies. But truth be told I miss linking up my blog to linkies because it pushes me to engage socially, which is always a positive for an autistic person like myself.
Also, I have learnt it is my blog and I can chose whether I want to participate or not, I don’t always have to do it every week. I have learnt not so strict and irritable.
I am not going lie it helps to link up with my stats and I love numbers so always a bonus for me.
Also, I struggle as I tend to get so overwhelmed with blogs that joining in with linkups helps me learn about new content, good or bad, it is food for thought. It can provide inspiration or give different avenues for blog ideas.
Sometimes, you just got to try and see what works for you, I never stop learning and that is one major thing I love about being a blogger.
Cheers for reading X
Sometimes, I feel shocked and how instinctive I become over my children. Even though I am autistic I always thought I would never match up with other other parents. I always felt that little bit different, like something is missing but I can’t find it. But then life surprises you at times, sometimes they are the best times, the unexpected situations that really blow you away.
I find that when I am in the mist of self-doubt and uncertainty being in a situation to defend yourself and ultimately being emerged in it, some inner strength comes along and you can do it, if exposed to that situation.
You learn more things about yourself then you would ever imagine and sometimes it is that small victories hat can make you feel so much better. Therefore enabling me to create a better and stronger attachment between myself and my children.
You can almost forget what you can do because the brain and the thoughts are so distorted that it alters your reality. Sometimes us mums are so hard on ourselves that it is barbaric the mental torture we put on ourselves. The sad thing is that I am doing ok, but sometimes with all the mixed messages out and about it can cause confusion, leaving you feel a little lost.
Then small nuggets of enlightenment can help you grow in your confidence in your ability to parent. Ideally, I have always found that stepping away and giving yourself time to be without constantly listening to the noise. This can help give me that break to think more clearly. Even if it is to just simply breakdown and have that time to just allow all them emotions escape. Sometimes, feelings can be built up so much that they can be real burden. So, allowing them to be expressed and getting it out of your system is really beneficial instead of it building up and weighing you down.
I have always found that in one way or another you will find way, it may take time but you will grow. Just hold on through and that moment will pass, even though it feels like hell at the time.
Cheers for reading X
feeling very safe,
having no worries or cares,
Today I feel crap (again). Eaten too much sugar, so miffed with myself and deluded. Yesterday was better, I eat sensibly then the stress got to me and my impulses were strong. I need something but I don’t know what exactly, I just feel stuck and can’t get out of this pattern of being good a couple days and then binging. I need focus but I need to stick with one idea and then just go with it.
Why there is so much information out there, my head can’t deal with it, ffs.
It is so hard because you can’t control all external influences, i.e. hubby buying cake and having the will power to say no, but I am still weak.
SUGAR IS A DRUG – and I am still very much dependant on it especially when I am feeling shit as a parent and dealing with the mental torture that I inflict myself each day.
Argh, I am so frustrated and angry with myself, but this won’t help will it. I need to stop this beating down I do to myself.
I know it is me and my own responsibility, seriously I need to be nicer to myself, that would be a great start.
Cheers for reading X
Here is some of the ways that depression affects me:
- Feeling too much.
- Feeling nothing but flatness.
- Crying over kindness.
- Hating oneself so much.
- Wanting desperately to vanish.
- Hiding from it all.
- Lying in bed all day and not got the energy to move.
- Looking at the walls and losing track of time.
- Being in a crowded room and feeling so alone.
- Angry at everything.
- Feeling stuck.
- Recalling memories.
- Doubting everything.
- Reflecting everything.
- Wanting to sleep forever.
- Hating your spouse because they can just get up and go.
- Denying it all.
- Laughing so hard your neurotic.
- Moving from one extreme to the next.
- Obsessing about the what if’s.
- No desire for anything.
Cheers for reading. X
Only just noticed that on the 9th March 2015 was the first post I ever wrote. It is now over a year, I know where has the time gone. I remember when I first started blogging thinking how can you get constant material to write about but you will be amazed at what inspires you to write. Here is what I have learnt about blogging.
1. You are constantly in the back of your mind thinking about suitable blogging material.
2. You have to be organised as it can take over. You have to evaluate what you want and how much time you want to put in.
3. Blogging is very addictive believe it or not.
4. It is your blog, your voice and your choice on what direction you want it to go in. For instance if you don’t like Pinterest dont do it. Just remember to be yourself.
5. You are constantly learning and I have learnt the terms DA or SEO and feel so clever 😂 😂 😂.
6. It is OK to say no. I will be honest with you in that in the past I have had problems saying no to everything. What is key is doing what suits you and your blog. As long as you are polite there will be no worries about it.
7. I love linkies and it is a great way to get people to notice you and vice versa.
8. Plan and get some sort of structure or you can get lost and confused very easily. I love schedule as it helps me plan better.
9. Blogging is better when you enjoy it rather then doing it to fit in.
10. It is OK to have a break.
Cheers for reading X