Things you do as a mum

Hey readers,

Some people think that us parents do nothing but just sit and drink tea all day. This may be true of some things, however some things I need praise for the things I can achieve as a parent. Here is the type of things I am successful to achieve as a parent.

Cleaning up my darling child’s snot, here you go, darling, have my lovely warm clean jumper sleeve to remove that string of snot. I don’t care if I look a tramp, I just can’t stomach it anymore having to see you try to lick it away.  *This is the kind of thing that normally happens when we are in public and I cannot access any bog roll*

I am suitably relaxed on the sofa watching This Morning and then the sheer terror washes over me as I hear the loud shout, “mummy, I’ve done a poo,” argh.  That means I have to rush to the bathroom to do the loving chore of wiping the feces of my son’s bottom. I just pray it is not runny as it goes absolutely everywhere!

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Some skills you never think you will acquire, until suddenly you become a parent and you have to think right outside the box (which to be honest as an autistic person myself is f**king hard and uses all my resources I can tell ya). It is amazing the stories I can come up with or using techniques just to keep the child quiet for five minutes when we are out. I never thought I could be so creative waiting in a busy dentist room with a leaflet to entertain a child.

You know what I never heard my own voice as much as becoming a parent, I take more notice than my child. Maybe it would be easier to invent a tiny person in my head who appreciates what I say, as no other sod does,  haha!

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I never knew there was such a thing as speed cleaning and boy have I got that down to a T. I have never dashed around the home to quickly make it less of a s**t tip in two minutes when I am greeted with unexpected visits.

One thing you soon learn early on in the game of parenting is that bribery wins the day, saves societies and makes family units strong.

It seems my children are allergic to finding anything that is requested of them, I seem to have developed a skill where I can find anything, particularly when it is so clearly visible to the naked eye. This skill takes little effort and nine times out of 10 can be sorted within 30 seconds, I know what your thinking totes amazeballs, right?!

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Once I  became a parent it seems I have another person to deal with and that is my little friend guilt, that is always committed to being there for me 100%.

Once I was not a fan of sick, but somehow miracles do happen and I am not afraid of sick anymore. If my child spontaneously wants to be sick on me, not that I would have chosen it but I would get on with it and deal with it.

Isn’t motherhood amazing, people don’t realise the commitment, but parents you mostly on average rock. *bar the odd dodgy parent*.

Cheers for reading X

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The lies you tell as a parent

Hey readers,

Do you ever tell little white lies as a parent because I sure do, anything to keep my life a little bit easier. I am now going to confess some of my little white lies I have told my children.

Santa claus is real so you best be good because he is watching you. He is everywhere and knows everything.

Man in Santa Claus Costume

Things that you think are so easy but when you are a parent things happen to be totally different. Take for instant the tablet and ok I do actually only have one as hubby won’t let me get two because he wants to teach the boys to share. I on the other hand would totally buy another tablet because you know what my ears can’t be arsed to listen to the petty squabbling. I like a simple life, call me what you want, life is much better when it is quiet. So, if I can’t get a second tablet then alternative to get a quiet life is to sometimes tell a little lie, ‘sorry but the battery of the tablet is died.’ Even though the tablet itself has 90% battery life left, I just simply can not be f**ked with it sometimes. I would rather watch a repeated episode of Topsy and Tim, that quite frankly is saying something!

Sometimes, I can’t face living my home with two kids because it is a chore or I can tell they are going to be grade A a**eholes. So, I may *ahem* say I can’t do xyz because we have no money.

This is more of a seasonal white lie but around Christmas time the main threat that are give my children is that if they do not behave then I will ring santa and he won’t deliver any presents. It is a beautiful threat because it is actually one that they take very seriously, mhahahahaha!

My youngest hates anything veggie or fruit if he can visually see it. He asks when we have spaghetti bolognese is there any vegetables in the food, of course there is none it is just the sauce.

Free stock photo of food, healthy, vegetables, potatoes

When I am struggling to stay awake I stick a movie on for the kids and snuggle down with them whilst sneakily getting some shut eye. I don’t know why but kids have this super sense when your trying to sleep to jump all over you or constantly ask questions, such as. ‘are you awake mummy?’ I reply, ‘ of course I am awake I am just resting my eyes’. Honest!

Gray Scale Photo of Flat Screen Tv on Top of Wooden Tv Rack

When you don’t want an argument with your child but they want an answer, simple just say, ‘we’ll see’.

When out and about particularly on public transport the child asks when will we get there. Always respond with we’re nearly there, even if it is another 20 minutes to reach the destination.

Anytime a child touches something breakable or anything fancy, I reply if you touch it will break.

Well come back another time is a typical response to a question when you know damn well there is no change we will.

The child asks, ‘what are you doing mummy?’ mummy replies,  ‘i’m only having a drink I will be in a minute’. When secretly I am scoffing all the chocolate 😉

Sometimes, to get back at daddy because the sod has had yet another glorious lie in I tell the kids, ‘wake up daddy he is much  better at doing xyz’ and I sit back grinning on the sofa whilst over hearing the boys come running into daddy’s bedroom screaming at the top of their voices and bouncing all over the bed. *evil mummy8

Cheers for reading X

Retarded 

I an meant to be 

More accepted in society.

I don’t though, 

I feel more retarded 

Each day. 

So much so that 

I wonder if 

It is better 

If I am gone.

Autism and sadness

Hey readers,

Today has been tough, as I write this it is the evening of Christmas Day, my son has had a three hour meltdown, including an unexpected visitor at the door causing further distress.

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Both me and my eldest have autism and are greatly affected by change and over stimulated environments. As lovely as Christmas can be to celebrate a time when families get together, it can be very difficult for an autistic person because it is out of sync to their routine. Not to mention the stress of new stimuli in the environment even though I and my son enjoy presents it can still contribute to anxiety.

The whole idea of a day where it is completely different from normal, unpredictable and long can take its toll. This normally exhibits itself in a meltdown due to struggling with how to deal with emotions.

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The bright lights, the busy chaoticness of the day, the length of time together are all influences that can trigger an autistic person. It is hard even as an adult after experiencing Christmas several times in my lifetime I still struggle. I think the not really knowing what I am meant to do is tough.

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This year I seem to feel more sad because I witness the autistic behaviour in my eldest more. I can feel his pain and I know this is so illogical and silly but truth be told part of me hates myself for being the risker of passing down the genes on to my son. No one really likes to see their child in pain, you want them to be happy and thrive. I don’t care if I get slated by the autistic community if I could take that pain from my son away I would in an instinct. Yes there are some super qualities but I would choose happiness over stress any day of the week. I want the best for my son, I don’t want him struggling, however the autism will always be a barrier and it is something we will have to manage. That doesn’t stop me from being sad. I love my son unconditionally with autism but if I could I would get rid of it. He is struggling in a neurotypical world, I can see pain now and that it is the hardest bit, seeing my poor boy struggle, I just want to protect him and see him happy. That is all.

Cheers for reading X