Introverted parent

Hey readers,

Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough parent simply because I am an introvert. I accept I am an introvert and there are some really good qualities that come with that type of personality.

When I look back as a child I saw people judge me because I didn’t always have a voice or couldn’t find the words to say what I needed to say. I believe that this was a mix of my personality and having autism. Communication is not my strongest point. However, I remember feeling bad because it kept getting mentioned. You see some points in my childhood I lived in the care system and there really was a lot of loud children that wanted to be heard. I was judged because I was not the status quo and then it made me question am I good enough?! I used to think that because I was quite, I was kinda of philosophical in the sense I liked to reflect and ponder over things. People notice loud people, that is fine it takes all sorts to make the world go round. The problem is at such a young age I interpreted the messages I was getting as I was not good enough. Bing quiet wasn’t good, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life because I couldn’t form friendships. To me communication meant opportunity. I still believe that to some extent. Nonetheless, I have come to accept who I am and that world needs both quiet and loud as they both in their own right carry brilliant attributes.

Sadly, there is also a downside, like everything I guess. Sadly, you can’t change who you are, I love quiet time and crave time alone where I can just be left alone to think. When I have time alone it gives me the opportunity to not have to think about the socialising which coincidently my husband thrives off it.

I am lucky in the sense I have a supportive husband that understands my needs and that yes it is selfish but selfish can be good, especially when it keeps the family home life calm.

I find social interaction exhausting with my children at times. I am not saying I hate my children most of the time I enjoy it and find it really fun and amusing. However, it can be really mentally draining for me. I suppose it doesn’t help that I am autistic as well so uses up a lot more energy trying to read the social situation. and trying to work out how to respond correctly. Not to mention my eldest is also autistic and has his own needs on top of everything else.

I think it takes a lot more energy for introverted parents like myself as I spend more time processing emotional stuff and probably over thinking. This can be good but also can be exhausted as it takes it out of you, let’s face it generally parenting is hard work so there is not much energy left for much more.

One good aspect of being an introverted parent is the fact that it can be a positive role model in the sense that shows that it is ok to have quiet time and do your own thing. It can also teach children that not every moment someone wants noise and that sometimes people need space.

Cheers for reading X

Activities to do during a rainy spring day

Hey readers,

I know it Spring and edging towards to summer but as we are all aware we still do have wet days. it can be a pain when it does get so wet that kids get bored, so here are some fun and simple activities you can do when a crisis hits.

Egg crest heads.

eggcrest

Egg crass heads empty the head out of an egg and put some cress seeds a bit a soil and add water. Leave on the side to grow and Watch your little people’s faces light up.

Books.

Rear View of Boy Sitting at Home

There is nothing better than getting lost in a book to keep their imagination going. If they are a little older you could always get your child to read to you, whilst you still back and relax!

Bake.

Image result for baking kids

A brilliant way to get your little ones in the kitchen and help bake something delightful like gingerbread men or cornflake cakes,then you can enjoy your yummy treat with your afternoon film.

Movie.

Watch a movie is a great way to relax in the afternoon. Who doesn’t like a cuddle with a throw when it is dreary outside. Also a perfect excuse, if you can, to get five-minute shut-eye, ssssshhhh don’t tell anyone.

Jumping in muddle puddles.

Sometimes we need fresh air to keep our sanities intact. One fun activity to do outside is to jump in muddle puddles. There is nothing finer in life then coming back from a wet excursion and getting into some warm and cosy clothing.

Board games.

Bored games are a great way to spend with the family indoors, whether it is card games, pass the sausage or playing shopping lists it is a great way to kill an hour or two.

Craft.

Iowa man sits at a messy table while holding paint covered pencil and brush

Crating can in many ways, fir ny boys they love colouring in or getting out the paint a picture. It is a brilliant activity when it is wet and you’re stuck indoors. Don’t forget though the ultimate luxury for little ones is decorating a cardboard box.

What things do you like to do with your children to keep them entertained when it is outside?

Cheers for reading X

Depression and parenting

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in-turn makes me feel weak. But deep down I know that my depression is a genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

Truth be told as a parent with depression there are days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the bare minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build-up sadness and frustration from the day.

Some days are better than others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. I am autistic on top of all this and usually, I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents. It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating at that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the changes of irritability between me and my husband. I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but at that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it, I kind of feel better out of my system.

It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state. I have learned when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my ‘meltdowns’. I feel now that I have learned how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X

Feed is best

Hey readers,

So you probably heard of the news story today regarding midwives been told to respect the decision by the mother if she decides not to breastfeed her baby.


This is such good news to hear because when I could not breastfeed my baby I was devasted and thought that was it I am officially the world’s sh*test parent. Even though I tried my hardest I just didn’t have the co-ordination due to my spatial awareness difficulties due to being autistic.

I remember going to a breastfeeding group pre baby and the sheer pressure from the group was scary. I felt like if I didn’t do this then I would be such a bad person.

After my eldest was born I tried for two/three days to breastfeed. I was in hospital for the two days due to complications. Every single time I needed help. I could not do it myself. Even after when I returned home I had my husband do it for me. Again it made me feel like a massive failure and it stopped me bonding with my son. I felt so angry with myself and feel that I was not adequate in being a mum.

I think the guilt of not being able to breastfeed was one of the things that triggered postnatal depression sadly.

Luckily, however, I saw a brilliant midwife who told me to just bottle feed, I was baffled but then I thought well actually yeah why not. She told me she bottle fed her children and it made me feel so much better knowing that it was OK to formula feed. Having that support was a big deal. Just knowing it was OK to do so and nothing bad was going to happen helped make me feel relief like I have never felt before.

So to hear the changes is such a positive step forward. I am not knocking breastfeeding but I think it is important to be mindful that not every woman can do it and that is OK. As long as the baby is feed that is much more important.

Cheers for reading X