Sometimes, I feel shocked and how instinctive I become over my children. Even though I am autistic I always thought I would never match up with other other parents. I always felt that little bit different, like something is missing but I can’t find it. But then life surprises you at times, sometimes they are the best times, the unexpected situations that really blow you away.
I find that when I am in the mist of self-doubt and uncertainty being in a situation to defend yourself and ultimately being emerged in it, some inner strength comes along and you can do it, if exposed to that situation.
You learn more things about yourself then you would ever imagine and sometimes it is that small victories hat can make you feel so much better. Therefore enabling me to create a better and stronger attachment between myself and my children.
You can almost forget what you can do because the brain and the thoughts are so distorted that it alters your reality. Sometimes us mums are so hard on ourselves that it is barbaric the mental torture we put on ourselves. The sad thing is that I am doing ok, but sometimes with all the mixed messages out and about it can cause confusion, leaving you feel a little lost.
Then small nuggets of enlightenment can help you grow in your confidence in your ability to parent. Ideally, I have always found that stepping away and giving yourself time to be without constantly listening to the noise. This can help give me that break to think more clearly. Even if it is to just simply breakdown and have that time to just allow all them emotions escape. Sometimes, feelings can be built up so much that they can be real burden. So, allowing them to be expressed and getting it out of your system is really beneficial instead of it building up and weighing you down.
I have always found that in one way or another you will find way, it may take time but you will grow. Just hold on through and that moment will pass, even though it feels like hell at the time.
Cheers for reading X
I do love a good list to motivate because as a parent I just get stuck so I like to gather small, realistic activities to do during each season and this spring is no different.
1. do some baking – I think I am going to aim to do chocolate cornflake cakes as they are the easiest thing to do with two children and it can go with the theme of Easter.
2. Fly a kite – just because I love it and currently such a good time with the wind, got to strike while the iron is hot.
3. Fingers crossed that the weather has some sunny days so that we can take advantage and get some picnics in. Both my boys love a good old picnic in the park!
4. I do love this time of year to go for a family walk, as there is much to look at with the flowers and different colours. Also it is a great time to spot wildlife and seeing baby animals.
5. You can’t go wrong with taking kids to feed the ducks, such a simple and lovely activity to do, plus it doesn’t cost the earth.
6. It won’t be long for Eater so getting some cheap Easter activities such as painting some eggs will be fun and a brilliant way to do on Saturday morning.
7.Co-inside with the park taking the frisbee to play.
8. Another really simply but fun activity to do is getting some chalk and draw outside. A bonus for us parents is that it is so easy to clean off.
9. As it is baby season going to visit a local farm to see all the farm animals is a lovely spring activity to do with the family.
10. Now is the time to plant some seeds to see them grow during the summer. You can get some really cheap sunflower seeds and my boys love watching them grow over the next couple of months.
What kind of spring activities do you enjoy?
Cheers for reading X
Today I slept for so long, it was what I body so needed, time to rest my brain and body. I feel like I need to have a break every now again and shut down to help me compensate for all the pain and work that I put it through.
I think during half term school holiday I am working harder to socialise and be with others for longer periods of time. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children but being autistic it is challenging to spend so long with individuals.
I feel us autistic folk need time to hibernate and re-charge our batteries more than neurotypical people. I think one of the reasons is because I am working that harder to apply social skills that may not necessarily come naturally to me.
Then there is the emotional side where I beat myself up over my shortfalls to ridiculous amount. One of the reasons because you can’t help but compare yourself to other random people, even though you don’t know through social media.
I always view my autism as a battle, something I have to get up and deal with every single day. On top of that I have to deal with the internal battle of low self-esteem and dealing myself as a parent.
Most of the time I feel like I am blagging a this whole parenting thing and I put so much energy in to trying to function like everyone else that I burn myself out, hence the breaks and shutdown.
So, that is one of the many struggles I have as an autistic parent, it is never easy but I am thankful for my blog. It is true what they say that writing things down may not cure my situation but it is a place to clear my mind of the many thoughts that are buzzing around in my head.
Cheers for reading X
Kids are still a mystery even after five years into motherhood this still have that ability to amaze me.
Why do kids produce so much snot, it just constantly streaming and if you think that is bad they wipe it on their sleeve and smear it all over their face or if you are really luckily they may share it with you, ewww!
Why do kids have a issue with sitting on their bottoms and constantly have ants in their pants.
Why are kids more of a hinderance then a help with housework
Why do kids always have sticky fingers.
Why do kids always find talking about pooing, farting and their wellies so funny, seriously it is not that funny so please stop now!
Why do kids always have to be a rush with everything.Even getting a pint of milk down the local shop, they do a bolt down the isle like it some Olympic sport.
Why do kids always bounce on you first thing in the sodding morning when you are like a zombie and then for extra loveliness decide to lick face, why????
Why do kids ALWAYS do the fucking complete opposite of what you wish for, it is like they go out of their way to be an arse to you.
Why do kids lie so blatantly obvious, “mummy I haven’t eaten chocolate” they say whilst looking at you with chocolate smeared all over their chops.
Cheers for reading X
all day long Iik wait,
for me to enjoy free time ,
I suffer from anxiety/depression and sometimes it is hard to get on with life when you are sucked into the vicious cycle of self hatred. But sometimes doing the smallest of things to make life nicer for yourself can make a huge difference. Here are some ways that I will discuss in this post that have helped me.
First one is being kind to yourself, easier said then done but sometimes we can be our own worse critic. We beat ourselves up and if anyone in the same situation came to us I bet we wouldn’t speak to them thew way we speak to ourselves. Be kinder and accept that somethings our out of control. We are doing the best or doing what we can in that situation.
I have noticed that life particularly as a parent can feel like a wheel that constantly goes around and around, doing the same thing in and out each day without any change. Sometimes, change is good and what better way to do it then breaking the monotony up of your day. It could be something simple like going for a walk to a coffee shop, can make a huge difference to your day because it is a change of scenery.
Another way to make you feel better about yourself is doing some volunteer, as you get the sense that you are valued for your time and services. Not to mention the feeling that you as a person are giving something valuable like your time for the better good will bring a feel good factor. It could potential help built your self confidence in making you more worthwhile doing something positive and taking action.
A really productive way to help with your mental health is when you can ask for help and don’t feel ashamed as no man is an island. I have always found this one different myself as I have been brought to not ask for help but now and again I do ask and you no what it makes a massive difference. You also shouldn’t feel ashamed but proud for doing something that can make your situation better. Your not weak because of asking but strong for recognising that you need help, no one can do it all by themselves.
Sometimes, we can get caught up in our thoughts and just sit there ruminating on them causing us to be in a worse mood. I find that taking time out for yourself and doing something that you enjoy is really beneficial. It doesn’t have to be something grand it could be just going for a walk, taking photos or even colouring but it has the benefits of helping you relax and distract yourself away form the negative thoughts.
This is so cliche but I am going to throw it in as I read a lot recently that blogging is really positive for your mental wellbeing. Firstly, you have platform to write your feelings which can bring real cathartic . Secondly, your helping others who may be similar situations feel less alone and you never you may make friends.
Cheers for reading X
The day is brighten when it started of so rough. I didn’t think we would get here when my mind was set to default. I suppose things change and you never really know what is going to happen around the corner.
I don’t know where I am going but I feel ready to cease the day. Maybe the change in weather is the turning point where I can feel more ready to face the challenges of life.
I went out for a walk in the gorgeous golden sun and watched the water pitter patter down the stream. Nothing quite like being out in the open to take stock and just enjoy the simple moment of what is happening right here, right now.
I feel so much better for escaping my surroundings even if it is just for twenty minutes walking down the road and back, anything to distract me is always good in my book.
When I am walking down the road I take stock of the shadows dancing down below, whilst the sun rises above and shines all day long.
When once the area is so grim and gloomy, a little bit of sun can magically change the whole environment. It glisters the area with warmth and makes the ambience happy.
Everywhere is radiant and doesn’t matter about your background. We have all come for the same purpose and that is to enjoy this time and this moment in the sun.
Kids are laughing, elderly are sleeping in their chair whilst the parents sit back and drink to celebrate the outdoors.
There is no need to rush because this moment is so lovely, that no one wants it to end. It makes life more bearable with a bit of fresh air. It is the simple things that can change a mindset. You don’t need a lot to reap the rewards of defiance. It is really is the small things like vitamin D and air to help you along and glide you through the ride of life.