Introverted parent

Hey readers,

Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough parent simply because I am an introvert. I accept I am an introvert and there are some really good qualities that come with that type of personality.

When I look back as a child I saw people judge me because I didn’t always have a voice or couldn’t find the words to say what I needed to say. I believe that this was a mix of my personality and having autism. Communication is not my strongest point. However, I remember feeling bad because it kept getting mentioned. You see some points in my childhood I lived in the care system and there really was a lot of loud children that wanted to be heard. I was judged because I was not the status quo and then it made me question am I good enough?! I used to think that because I was quite, I was kinda of philosophical in the sense I liked to reflect and ponder over things. People notice loud people, that is fine it takes all sorts to make the world go round. The problem is at such a young age I interpreted the messages I was getting as I was not good enough. Bing quiet wasn’t good, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life because I couldn’t form friendships. To me communication meant opportunity. I still believe that to some extent. Nonetheless, I have come to accept who I am and that world needs both quiet and loud as they both in their own right carry brilliant attributes.

Sadly, there is also a downside, like everything I guess. Sadly, you can’t change who you are, I love quiet time and crave time alone where I can just be left alone to think. When I have time alone it gives me the opportunity to not have to think about the socialising which coincidently my husband thrives off it.

I am lucky in the sense I have a supportive husband that understands my needs and that yes it is selfish but selfish can be good, especially when it keeps the family home life calm.

I find social interaction exhausting with my children at times. I am not saying I hate my children most of the time I enjoy it and find it really fun and amusing. However, it can be really mentally draining for me. I suppose it doesn’t help that I am autistic as well so uses up a lot more energy trying to read the social situation. and trying to work out how to respond correctly. Not to mention my eldest is also autistic and has his own needs on top of everything else.

I think it takes a lot more energy for introverted parents like myself as I spend more time processing emotional stuff and probably over thinking. This can be good but also can be exhausted as it takes it out of you, let’s face it generally parenting is hard work so there is not much energy left for much more.

One good aspect of being an introverted parent is the fact that it can be a positive role model in the sense that shows that it is ok to have quiet time and do your own thing. It can also teach children that not every moment someone wants noise and that sometimes people need space.

Cheers for reading X

Depression and parenting

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in-turn makes me feel weak. But deep down I know that my depression is a genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

Truth be told as a parent with depression there are days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the bare minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build-up sadness and frustration from the day.

Some days are better than others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. I am autistic on top of all this and usually, I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents. It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating at that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the changes of irritability between me and my husband. I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but at that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it, I kind of feel better out of my system.

It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state. I have learned when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my ‘meltdowns’. I feel now that I have learned how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X

27 things you take for granted before you became a mum

Hey readers,

Sometimes as a mum, you don’t get much reward (I am not complaining because this is the life I wanted).However, you never really appreciate your life before you have children until you have children.

Girl in flight

Here is a list of some of the kind of things you took for granted before you became a mummy.

1) A lie in.

2) Going shopping by yourself.

3) Being spontaneous.

4) Only responsible for yourself.

5) Not having to read the same book over and over again.

6) Quietness.

7) Pee in peace.

8) Not having to share anything, haha.

9) Having an adult conversation.

10) You never knew what Peppa Pig was.

11) Having a conversation.

12) Not having to read yourself.

13) Hot drink.

14) Not having your clothes smeared in snot.

15) A Good night sleep.

16) Being ill and not doing anything.

17) Reading a book.

18) Having a tidy home.

19) Peace of mind.

20) Running errands without every five minutes having a small human ask are we going home yet.

21) Having a shower.

22) Not being late.

23) Having nice furniture.

24) Personal space.

25) Time.

26) Energy.

27) eating in a restaurant.

Cheers for reading X

Wales

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

WALES

This week we went to visit my husband’s relatives in Wales. We spend a few days at Wales and even though the weather was a bit iffy, it was lovely to see a change of scenery.

We stayed in a Premier Inn and my boys are so excited, we have stayed in a fair few so they are used to them. They just get so excited and knowing they can have American pancakes for breakfast they were simply living their best life.

We went down a bit and it was really fun to explore and do something different. Plus, it was free and there was a museum as well, perfect for me, lol.

We went for walks in the countryside and it was lovely to be just in the open area and see nature. I love walking so it was lovely to have a wonder with the boys.

Hope you have a had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

How to cope with sleep deprivation

Hey readers,

When I was pregnant with my first child I was often told about the struggle I will face of lack of sleep when you become a parent. But boy they weren’t sh*tting me, I didn’t take any notice at the time because I was more bothered about finding a place to puke. The first couple of months is a killer but you can get through it as so many parents have before. Below I share with some of the things that have helped me when I have experienced sleep deprivation.

It is ok to ask for help, let your partner take care of some duties well you have a rest.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, everything else can wait and get sorted out at a later stage.

Make sure that you are eating correctly as food provides energy that you so desperately will need.

Be aware that your environment has changed, you can’t do everything and you need to be kind to yourself.

Learn the art of delegation – priorities that are important and need to be done urgently and learn to burn things off. At the end of the day, you can always come back to them at the end of the day.

Sometimes a walk outside can do wonders with getting some fresh air. It is amazing how just a walk around the block can be really beneficial. It helped me a lot in the early days when I felt like I was going insane looking at the four walls.

I know it is hard to believe but remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and it does get better. Soon, the baby will grow in the amount of time it sleeps through and before you know it you will experience a night where they sleep a solid seven hours straight and it is bloody amazing. I still remember that first time.

Is there anything that has helped you with sleep deprivation? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers for reading X

Break

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

because it is the last week of term and I am knackered. I always am but have to say I am a wingy cow, haha!

My eldest did me proud, we have always struggled with homework. He protests every time he hates homework. I encouraged him to do a bit and remind him that once it is done that he then has the rest of the night to play.

Well, he did his homework and then decided he wanted to do all of it. I told him he could do it tomorrow but he was having none of it and wanted to complete it there and then.

Another big achievement for him is he made up all the sentences by himself with no prompt. Now, this may seem like nothing but this child struggles with abstract and thinking ideas without prompts. So, when he did do sentences I was pretty proud of him as I know this is a big challenge for him.

hope you have lovely Easter.

Cheers for reading X

Easter cornflake cakes

Hey readers,

Looking to do something with a young child over the Easter holidays then you need to check out this simple recipe.

Ingredients

50g of butter

100g of milk or dark chocolate

100g cornflakes

3tbsp of golden syrup

Mini eggs (for decoration)

Cupcake cases (my Easter themed ones come from Poundland and they have decorative pictures on a stick that can stick in the cake).

Method

1) Measure out the ingredients.

2) Melt the butter and chocolate, one at a time in the microwave.

3) In a bowl place the corn flakes, add the golden syrup, chocolate and butter. Mix all together so the cornflakes get all covered in chocolate mix.

4) Pour the mix into cupcake holders (o got my Easter themed ones from Poundland). Stick the decorative sticks in if you have some.

5) Place a couple of mini eggs in the middle.

6) Place the cakes on a tray and put them in the fridge for a good couple of hours or until set.

7) Voila there you easter cakes.

Enjoy.

Cheers for reading X