What is Home?

Hey readers,

The people of Wayfair went on the hunt to find out what home is for people. This is what Wayfair did:

We hit the streets of London over the Easter weekend equipped with an armchair and a microphone to find out what home really means to us! The findings were both insightful and heartwarming, exposing that our homes are much more than just buildings or places, they are family, comfort, inspiration, happiness and much more. Not only that, but we spoke to a further 400 recipients across the UK & found that over 71% of people coined the sofa as the most important item of furniture in their home, placing the importance on socializing and making use of communal spaces (or being couch potatoes if you look at it another way!)  

Wayfair are doing a campaign on ‘What is Home?’ and for me personally home is not necessarily the physical things but the meaning associated with home. It is safety where when I close the front door I can come into my home and feel less judged.

You see I am autistic and I struggle going out in the outside world, so knowing I have a place where I can relax and not have to put on a mask is comforting. It makes me feel less anxious especially after a hard day, I can come home to my family and just be me without the fear of being judged.

Home is a place where I don’t have to be agitated or on guard, I can kick back on the sofa and just be. Enjoying the calm moments of reading a book with a blanket whilst my two boys are playing next door together with their Lego.

It feels like home because I am a mum and I provide all the needs for my children where they can fun but also develop as children. Where they will hold the memories for years of all the happy times of their childhood.

It is times when we lounge on a Sunday as a family scrawled out whilst watching Big Heads and rooting for King Henry VIII over Donald Trump.

Home is where we get excited about the small things we can do together as a family like watching a sunset or have Sunday dinner and discussing why mummy is called poopoo, while the boys are in hysterics over the hilariousness of it all.

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What does home mean to you? What ideas stir up when you think of home?

Cheers for reading X

Cuddle Fairy
Bringing up Georgia
Pink Pear Bear

Contentment 

Sometimes I am knackered,

But then I look at you

Drifting off to sleep,

Knowing you are happy

And content.

The doubts of motherhood

Erode away,

Knowing that I might be

Doing this crucial job

OK and then for moment

I applaude my role

And that deep down

I’m doing OK.

Why running rocks!

Hey readers,

Recently I returned to running and got hit again by the running bug, I just love and let me tell you why!

Because running gets you out of the house and you get some fresh air.

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If your like me, I get quite frustrated with my inadequacies as a person and since I have started running have found running really great to just burn off them feelings.

It is good for you physical health, I only do running three times a week but I still find it beneficial in helping me ton up my legs and help strength my arms (as I am on medication where one of the side effects causes me great deal of physical pain).

You feel like you have achieved something positive and can make you feel better for it.

It is really fantastic to help you sleep if you do in the evening or alternatively, if you do it first thing in the morning it can set you up for the day.

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You build up stamina which is always handy if you have young children and they want you to run after them in the park.

I had a break from running for a few weeks and definitely missed it. Once I stsrted again with running I found it made me much happier in myself and like I achieved something.

Obiviously, a bonus reason for running is it burns of calerioes which who can not deny is wonderful.

If you have children it sets an example regarding doing exercise and a positive message of seeing it occur.

You never fully appreciate a shower until after a hot sweaty run.

It is free, you can do it practically any where and at any time if you wish.

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There are so many free apps like c25k to help beginnings that are a great guide to help you know where to start. If you are really confident then there is an event called parkrun (again free) where you run with others and such buzz, plus the feeling of being part of the running community.

As a parent you sometimes lose yourself, so it is good to do something for yourself, a bit of ‘me time’ where it is an activity solely for you to enjoy and get something out of.

Cheers for reading X

 

 

 

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Mummuddlingthrough
diaryofanimperfectmum

Depression and parenting

 

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed, because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in-turn makes me feel weak. But deep down I know that my depression is genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

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Truth be told as a parent with depression there days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the the bear minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build up sadness and  frustration from the day.

Some days are better then others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated  and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. I am autistic on top of all this and usually I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents. It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

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Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating in that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the changes of irritability between me and my husband. I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but in that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it I kind of feel better getting it out of my system. It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

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Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state. I have learnt when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my ‘meltdowns’. I feel now that I have learnt how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X

3 Little Buttons

Mummascribbles

Relax

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

RELAX

I feel really relaxed this week, I think one of the reasons is because I have been embracing laziness, but in the good way 😉

What I am trying to get at is the fact that sometimes it is hard to relax when you feel like you constantly need to be doing something, otherwise you feel guilty. So, this week I have been trying to forget all about them messy thoughts in my head and just relax. Amazing the difference but, it could also be down to the fact it was a bank holiday, therefore less tired form doing the school run. I know strangely it is just one day but, one day less then five in my eyes.

I have enjoyed being outside surrounded by nature and snapping away, it is when I am at my happiest and been loving seeing all the different spring flowers blossoming, particularly the tulip.

Cheers for reading X

The Reading Residence

Half term tiredness

Hey readers,

Today I slept for so long, it was what I body so needed, time to rest my brain and body.  I feel like I need to have a break every now again and shut down to help me compensate for all the pain and work that I put it through.

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I think during half term school holiday I am working harder to socialise and be with others for longer periods of time. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children but being autistic it is challenging to spend so long with individuals.

I feel us autistic folk need time to hibernate and re-charge our batteries more than neurotypical people. I think one of the reasons is because I am working that harder to apply social skills that may not necessarily come naturally to me.

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Then there is the emotional side where I beat myself up over my shortfalls to ridiculous amount. One of the reasons because you can’t help but compare yourself to other random people, even though you don’t know through social media.

I always view my autism as a battle, something I have to get up and deal with every single day. On top of that I have to deal with the internal battle of low self-esteem and dealing myself as a parent.

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Most of the time I feel like I am blagging a this whole parenting thing and I put so much energy in to trying to function like everyone else  that I burn myself out, hence the breaks and shutdown.

So, that is one of the many struggles I have as an autistic parent, it is never easy but I am thankful for my blog. It is true what they say that writing things down may not cure my situation but it is a place to clear my mind of the many thoughts that are buzzing around in my head.

Cheers for reading X

Why are kids….

Hey readers,

Kids are still a mystery even after five years into motherhood this still have that ability to amaze me.

Why do kids produce so much snot, it just constantly streaming and if you think that is bad they wipe it on their sleeve and smear it all over their face or if you are really luckily they may share it with you, ewww!

Why do kids have a issue with sitting on their bottoms and constantly have ants in their pants.

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Why are kids more of a hinderance then a help with housework

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Why do kids always have sticky fingers.

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Why do kids always find talking about pooing, farting and their wellies so funny, seriously it is not that funny so please stop now!

Why do kids always have to be a rush with everything.Even getting  a pint of milk down the local shop, they do a bolt down the isle like it some Olympic sport.

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Why do kids always bounce on you first thing in the sodding morning when you are like a zombie and then for extra loveliness decide to lick face, why????

Why do kids ALWAYS do the fucking complete opposite of what you wish for, it is like they go out of their way to be an arse to you.

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Why do kids lie so blatantly obvious, “mummy I haven’t eaten chocolate” they say whilst looking at you with chocolate smeared all over their chops.

Cheers for reading X