On the side line 

Hey readers,

When I was a child I did this thing called masking, aka faking it and what this means is that I learnt the behaviour of others. The problem being is that if something changes that I can mess up badly because I can’t be flexible with my thinking. That is the one of the characteristics of autism is we manage change and see things  black or white especially when it comes to learn.

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I think it’s really hard being an autistic girl growing up because there is so much more pressure to be sociable then a boy. That all the boys got away with not getting noticed there for less social pressure. I used to absolutely hate being a girl because of this reason and I thought boys had it a lot easier or more relaxed attitude with regards to social and communication which suited me perfectly.

Now that I’m an adult I find it a bit more easier because I have more experience and knowledge but I still frequently mess up. If I am feeling anxious or if there is too much going on in my head can’t seem to focus on the rules. There are times when stressful factors cause me more brain power than normal and it is like I regress in my behaviour. That is why it’s so hard to measure autism, as it is not something that you can say x y and z it’s constantly shifting depending on the environment and mindset of that individual.

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Since being a parent I have learnt that there are so many other social rules involved when bringing up a child.

I first it’s lovely when my children where new born as there is less pressure on me to be sociable but since my child has started school last year I noticed that there’s a hell of a lot more interaction going on.

Me being an autistic parent does affects my self esteem. A lot of the time I feel inadequate,  especially as my husband is very good at communicating and engaging with others. It leaves me feeling really angry and frustrated. I know comparing is the worst thing to do but it coincides with me learning of other people.

I think  one of the hardest and upsetting things is when  people don’t see you as an individual but some sort of invalid because you’re autistic. They don’t look past the label or they do but then they just talk down to you in a condescending way. The thing is I am aware exactly what is happening, I just I don’t have the skills to communicate and express myself as clearly as other people do.

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It has really made me feel quite low at times because I feel like I can’t give my child everything that a typical parent has to offer. I suppose that is why I enjoy the school holidays more because I don’t have to worry about the social things. The only downside is that when I return I have to deal with the social side of education and what not.I feel rubbish and I have felt very very low causing me to struggle to get up in the mornings. I have also learnt to avoid situations and tend to get my husband to do them tasks because it’s too upsetting at times to have to face the discrimination against me. I think that’s one of the saddest things about being an autistic parent is the fact that you deal with a lot of rejection or misunderstanding. I like my voice isn’t heard and again that familiar Outcast feeling appears.

Cheers for reading X

Twin Mummy and Daddy
Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

Cool for cats

Hey readers,

You can learn a lot about cats about how to live a more relaxed life. I hate being human sometimes, I just doubt everything in my tiny little mind. I dread Friday is the worst, it is like I have had a whole week to beat myself up on not being good enough.

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Why do ‘some’ of us torture ourselves, we think we are weak when really we must be strong to get through this personal torment. There are days when all I would love to do is sit back in my hammock and just forget everything.  I know, I know I think too much, that is always been my downfall. I am just so glad for summer holidays, I am exhausted from worrying about not being good enough parent.

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I hate failure, we all fear it but if asked what is success, I wouldn’t be able to tell you so how can I fail if I don’t know what the alternative is?!

Life is much simpler being a cat, all you need to worry about is the small stuff like finding a place that is warm and sunshine touching your fur. How amazing would that be to have to care in the world. Maybe I should ask my husband because he is an expert in it.

Being a cat has so many benefits such as, getting rent free, being able to sleep as much as you want and have the freedom to roam about and piss on your territory . I would definitely be up for that, haha. Even if people annoy you, you cats can walk away and not give a damn, that must be so liberating not caring what other people think. There is no drama about being fat and what worrying about how people view you, you just prance about in your fur all day, look great with no effort whatsoever.

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Told you cats have it great, we can learn a thing or too.

I now leave you on a final quote:

Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.  

James Herriot.

Cheers for reading X

Best of Worst

I was featured on Blogger Showcase

Selfishness can be good

Hey readers,

I know when you hear the word selfish it dipicts  a negative picture but I want to share with you today why it is actually good for you SOMETIMES to be selfish.

Firstly, because you are listening to your needs and not others. Sometimes, we need to say I want this because I need it for my saniety.

It gives you assertiveness and feeling of comfortability to talk about your feelings to others. It is healthier because of not ignoring your needs and doing something about it can help you feel good. Asking for something should not be shamed upon, asking for help is ok, for me asking for timeout is important. It calms me down and others so in the long run everyone is winning.

You are listening to your needs and doing something constructive about it. As long as you are polite then I think it is ok to say look I need this for me becuase of XYZ.

You will help build your self-awareness skills in opening up to what you need. It will help increase your self-worth because you are being constructive and doing something to help you feel better.

It could mean better relationships because you are finding a solution to a problem, for example if you cook a lot and say to a housemate I need one a day a week off and you need to do the meal for us instead. Even though they might object it gives you the change to discuss issues and talk about how you are feeling. There is less anger and being open will be benefit making the situation more harmonious compared to if you sat on it and didn’t raise your issues. At least  then this could mean  something productive has helped and lead to more positive relationships without any negative impact because you have talked about the situation

Cheers for reading X

Mummascribbles

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

3 Little Buttons

Holiday 

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:


because it is the start of six weeks off. Not sure if I should celebrate not having to do the school run etc or poop my pants at the bickering. All though technically it is five weeks now as one week has been done and dusted.

Well what had happened in that week, boys get quality time together mixed with the bickering.

The boys gave learnt the art of pillow frightening.

First trip to the A&E hopefully the last, basically youngest fell of the sofa.and caught his head on the TV corner. He has a small gash and he has got special glue but hopefully it will teach them not to mess on the sofas.

All the routine has gone out of the window.

So as you can see a pretty epic week to kick the summer off.

Hope your enjoying your first week off.

Cheers for reading X

The Reading Residence

Why are kids….

Hey readers,

Kids are still a mystery even after five years into motherhood this still have that ability to amaze me.

Why do kids produce so much snot, it just constantly streaming and if you think that is bad they wipe it on their sleeve and smear it all over their face or if you are really luckily they may share it with you, ewww!

Why do kids have a issue with sitting on their bottoms and constantly have ants in their pants.

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Why are kids more of a hinderance then a help with housework

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Why do kids always have sticky fingers.

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Why do kids always find talking about pooing, farting and their wellies so funny, seriously it is not that funny so please stop now!

Why do kids always have to be a rush with everything.Even getting  a pint of milk down the local shop, they do a bolt down the isle like it some Olympic sport.

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Why do kids always bounce on you first thing in the sodding morning when you are like a zombie and then for extra loveliness decide to lick face, why????

Why do kids ALWAYS do the fucking complete opposite of what you wish for, it is like they go out of their way to be an arse to you.

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Why do kids lie so blatantly obvious, “mummy I haven’t eaten chocolate” they say whilst looking at you with chocolate smeared all over their chops.

Cheers for reading X

Love for daylight hours

Hey readers,

Have you remembered to forward your clocks? Isn’t it wonderful to get lighter evenings now and I am happy for this change, let me tell you why?

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I suppose the first obvious reason why daylight saving time is good because it is lighter evenings and lovely to see the beautiful sunsets you get during summer time.

It is lovely to have more motivation as there is more light, which means getting more things doing.

Having more time to see things in the evening if I am out and about.
I really enjoy the calm of the lighter evenings, especially if it is dry and you can go for a lovely evening stroll.

Better change (if dry) to eat Al fresco, especially if it is a picnic at the park, makes my boys in particular super happy.

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For a parent the dream of having a quicker time to get the washing dry, meaning more loads completed in a smaller time is the dream!

That being said you don’t need to live your home if you have some open space, a lot more quitter for us parents and the boys play together outside without getting under your feet. Which is always an added bonus 😉

I find that if my boys are out playing in the fresh air later in the evening they sleep better during the night-time.

You feel happier when it is lighter and less likely to want to stay in watch TV, maybe because you are more energetic.

Have more desire to get out of the house and less sluggish.

During the light times the golden hour is a beautiful time to take attractive photos.

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With the lighter mornings you’re more motivated to get up and not need as much sleep during the lighter months.

What things do you like about Daylight Saving Time?

Cheers for reading X