Why running rocks!

Hey readers,

Recently I returned to running and got hit again by the running bug, I just love and let me tell you why!

Because running gets you out of the house and you get some fresh air.

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If your like me, I get quite frustrated with my inadequacies as a person and since I have started running have found running really great to just burn off them feelings.

It is good for you physical health, I only do running three times a week but I still find it beneficial in helping me ton up my legs and help strength my arms (as I am on medication where one of the side effects causes me great deal of physical pain).

You feel like you have achieved something positive and can make you feel better for it.

It is really fantastic to help you sleep if you do in the evening or alternatively, if you do it first thing in the morning it can set you up for the day.

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You build up stamina which is always handy if you have young children and they want you to run after them in the park.

I had a break from running for a few weeks and definitely missed it. Once I stsrted again with running I found it made me much happier in myself and like I achieved something.

Obiviously, a bonus reason for running is it burns of calerioes which who can not deny is wonderful.

If you have children it sets an example regarding doing exercise and a positive message of seeing it occur.

You never fully appreciate a shower until after a hot sweaty run.

It is free, you can do it practically any where and at any time if you wish.

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There are so many free apps like c25k to help beginnings that are a great guide to help you know where to start. If you are really confident then there is an event called parkrun (again free) where you run with others and such buzz, plus the feeling of being part of the running community.

As a parent you sometimes lose yourself, so it is good to do something for yourself, a bit of ‘me time’ where it is an activity solely for you to enjoy and get something out of.

Cheers for reading X

 

 

 

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Depression and parenting

 

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed, because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in-turn makes me feel weak. But deep down I know that my depression is genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

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Truth be told as a parent with depression there days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the the bear minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build up sadness and  frustration from the day.

Some days are better then others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated  and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. I am autistic on top of all this and usually I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents. It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

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Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating in that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the changes of irritability between me and my husband. I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but in that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it I kind of feel better getting it out of my system. It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

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Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state. I have learnt when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my ‘meltdowns’. I feel now that I have learnt how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X

3 Little Buttons

Mummascribbles

Days like today!

Hey readers,

I am just sitting on my bed as it is the most calming place for me to think.

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Right now l have lost my mojo. I get days where I can’t seem to master the simplest of tasks and just trying to keep the momentum going is a challenge. Why is it I have these type of days? I feel like I totally suck at everything I seem to touch. Life just seems so unbearable and the jealous hits me seeing other mums just getting on with life. Where some days I can’t even be bothered to get up or get dressed. I mean I do because the only think that motivates me is the persistent fear of the fact that social services will come  knocking at my door because I am an autistic depressive.

mojo

Don’t get me wrong there days when I can just plod on but this last week has nearly killed me to get through the days. I think most of the time I fantasise about just getting up and opening that door and running out and escaping myself misery.

I was in two minds to write this down as people don’t want to hear about the depressive mother who appears to be totally ungrateful! I mean there are loads of women that would love this opportunity and I beat myself up all the time for when I am being shit.  But honestly how do some mothers enjoy every single moment because I don’t,  I really don’t. Am I shit mother for saying that, I do not know. However, it does not matter anyway because I automatically have a special place in the shit mum’s club because I am an autistic mother therefore I do not obtain the special innate mothering skills that bond me and my child

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 Most of the time I am literally winging it and playing the part through the medium of masking or learning a script. I can be garnered to be mucking up at some point and being told how to be because yet again my autism brain is skewed!

Cheers for reading X

Spring I blooming love you

Hey readers,

Today (20/03/2017) marks the first day of Spring Equinox so here is a list of things I love about Spring.

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This is the time when flowers start to bloom and blossom can be found everywhere.

Sadly, the blossom is short lived but is beautiful seeing blossom like confetti blowing in the air.

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What is lovely about spring is more colour dotted about and sense of lightness that it brings through flowers, pastel colours in fashion to lighter meals that we eat.

More lighter evenings gives a sense of calm and wanting to stay out later. If the weather is good it is pleasurable to eat Al fresco.

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With spring brings a mix bag of weather but a lot of the time we are blessed with warmer. Therefore, meaning higher chances of being outside, making it a lot more easier to look after children compared to being stuck indoors.

Something magical to do during the spring time is go to the woods and see the area covered in bluebells, so picturesque.

Spring marks the start of new life and it is lovely to see the new baby animals slowly emerging in the wildlife. You don’t have to go far to find baby animals, I have find the coots already making nests locally to me.

As wildlife slowly migrates back in England you get more of an opportunity to hear the birds calling and singing that takes place during the mating season.

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One of the best things with the warmer weather is not having to wear heavy clothes making it more comfortable  not to be so covered up. Plus, as the warmer weather occurs during spring we can finally get to wear sandles. I just love the sensation of fresh air brushing against my toes.

Cheers for reading X