Adjusting

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

because my youngest has started full days at school this week and to say he is tired after school is an understatement. I was ambitious one day this week and took him to the library after school thinking he might enjoy it. Turns out nothing but winching and eventually a full down meltdown, joy I certainly learned from that experience. He is defiantly not used to full days like he does now.

I have been to the dentist which I hate but I had to have a filling which sucks, but it is done now. My dentist is social as well when he has fingers in my mouth, why. I can’t answer him coherently.

I have been loving also the darker nights. It feels so much cosy to sit and wrap up with a throw.

I hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

You know your a school mum when…

Hey readers,

My eldest is in year one in primary school and I have noticed some things that happen once you become a school mum. Here are some of the signs you are definitely a school mum.

Mornings

are a slapdash affair, trying to remain calm but more frequently than not losing your s**t about the fact, your child can take 30 bloody mins and still not got their shoes on.

Black Round Analog Wall Clock

Letters, Letters, Letters

How many? the never ending forms of dates of book sales to trips and parents evening. It is non-stop and at times a bit overwhelming trying to keep on track of it all.

Homework

 is now something you have to get done and let’s face it on a Sunday night mad dash to get something coherent down.

Close-up of Woman Working

Social Pressure

Knowing that you are losing the walls of protection of your child and social pressure is a big player now and that it is just the start.

Money

Having to keep a check on making sure that you have paid for XYZ. You basically need a diary to keep on top of all the payments and dates that are happening.

Lost Property

Constant arguments of wondering how your son could lose this and that. Bringing home someone else’s jumper or at the end of the term accidentally losing his pumps from three weeks ago and not mentioning it to us, which coincidentally it is now half term holiday so you can’t do naff all about it.

PTA

 is there pestering you every week about this or that just so they can look good amongst all us other parents who are totally below there standards.

Assembly

Having to sit and listen to this and that committee every week it is something, why can’t they just let kids be kids and actually learn to fail instead of constantly trying to see positive in everything.

Free stock photo of wood, school, room, row

School Run

Arguing with your spouse with who is going to collect your child as you know it is mayhem and you can’t stand the small talk waiting for your little child to be returned to you.

Statistics

When teachers can’t be arsed to listen to you and feel totally helpless because all they see is one side of our child and they seem more bothered about attendance.

Cheers for reading X

Autistic Blogger!

Hey readers,

I hear this term branded around a lot through the bloggershere called ‘tribe’, to me it feels like we are back in the playground. Maybe because I don’t really connect to people the same way others do because of my autism. It makes me feel maybe a bit isolated or that I am missing out on a better support network.
The big question is, do you need a tribe of people to connect with to empower and motivate you? does it make you more successful? these are the kind of questions I think about. I suppose it depends on what you really want and need from people, I guess. For me the whole tribe business makes me feel like a failure yet again at life, it is another point score if you are in with the right crowd and for me being autistic that will never be. Yes OK if your autistic should you be worried about having such feelings of loss and for me yes it does get to me at times. It would be nice to bounce ideas off with others but the fear of rejection is much stronger. I don’t really have an answer. I think it is really down to my state of mind having an influence when I am engaging in the social media platforms.

Sometimes you get a feeling to be a successful blogger you have to be in some kind of tribe with others. It is a real shame I feel as you not always getting merit for your work but in who you know instead. Fairplay to people that do, because it takes a lot of additional work other then just writing content to making a blog successful. A major factor is engaging in social media as a form of communicating with the audience or attending events that help achieve recognition and achievement statues. Sadly, I don’t feel I will ever truly get to grips connecting on such a level, but that is ok because I do have a disability that limits me. Whether I like it or not, somethings I can improve, somethings I can’t but having the knowledge to accept that is a milestone for me personally.

Sometimes, you get what you put in and for me I can only do so much before I have pushed past my threshold and want to collapse with mental exhaustion.

Until you start a blog and work on social media, you really don’t realise what hard work it is with keep plugging away and reaching out. As they say nothing comes for free.

One major attribute that influences my performance or connecting to people is communication. It is like the backbone of autism. It plays such a huge role on and off line. My brain is overloaded as it is with all the rules I need to remember. I stick to the rules that I can follow and it is not the ‘norm’, it’s controlled and I don’t feel I am being rude but maybe I am being very rigid and not flexible with my thinking but then again that is an effect of my autism interfering it’s ugly head.

It would be wonderful to have someone to connect with but I don’t feel it is important right now but maybe next week I may different about the whole thing. But sadly autism is selfish and it hinders you. It never leaves you or lets you forget that there is a big influence there right in your brain controlling your interpretations on everything that you are exposed to. It really sucks at times but other times it is the fuel that keeps my fire burning inside of me.

OK, I have bitched and have been a moany cow so I am going to focus on a positive here. People aren’t aware of how much I have come along in my improvements in myself. Blogging has given me a voice to express whatever I feel I want to share. When I am having a meltdown it has been a tool to distract me from all the things going one and stops me getting overloaded when I can simply focus on just writing. It has calmed me when I have been so angry I have wanted to explode. It has helped me to understand myself who I am and try to take on board other people’s perspective (which is a real struggle at the best of times). It has taught me on a basic level how to have simple conversations and it further help me develop as a person with autism.
So, what is the point of this ramble, well I am just trying to find away to accept me with my disability. I want others to understand particularly what it is like for female adults with autism.
Who knew blogging would be such a learning journey to think about yourself and where you are in the pecking order even though I don’t really know what I want. I think if I look internally I want to feel accepted from others, though I don’t know whether that will ever happen. Maybe I just feel really lonely and a bit sad today when I see others in the world can just make friends and excel verbally. I seem to fall over at the first hurdle. It is hard as blogging is so social and if you want to grow networking is crucial I feel.

For me personally most of the time I go about my days winging it and trying to keep my head above water whilst others speed pass by me.
That my readers is what my personal take is of an autistic blogger in a social climate in the blog world.

Cheers for reading X

Spectrum Sunday
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