Getting children out the door

Hey readers,

Why are children super fast when they  want to be but as soon as a parent is desperate to get someone urgent they go to  slough mode!

Here are some thoughts and conversationset I have when trying to get kids ready and out the sodding door.

1) Please get ready, we need to get to school.

 please stitch lilo and stitch beg GIF

2) I hate you hubby for giving me the task of getting the boys ready, you absolute tool.

3) If I you don’t get ready then I am going to turn off the TV but at the same time promising to turn the tv on because you need to sit still because you need to do their hair.

4) If you don’t get ready I will phone your dad and you will be in serious trouble. (Let’s face it no one wants to hear your daddy yell at you, even mummy gets scared with the decibels used).

 simpsons GIF

5) When it gets close to birthday/Christmas or any special event that is important to your little darlings, it is the ultimate blackmail to get them ready and out the door promote. If parenting gets so bad it will be threatening every single day.

6) Shall I ask your teacher if you are like this at school? seems my son fears this one because he is so angelic he doesn’t want the illusion to vanish from the teachers eyes. Works a treat to kick his bottom into gear.

7) Threats about no pudding go down a treat (yes pun intended).

8) If in doubt and you desperate bribes can be used to keep your own sanity in tact. If ANYONE disagrees then they could bloody well come round at 7am and deal with the problem for me, no problem with that I tell you.

9) Stare at your child, if gives them the willies that the arguments must stop or mummy is going to lose her sh*t big time. This normally occurs when on a Friday because we all tired and about had enough of having to go through this drama for the fifth time this week.

Bachelor in Paradise season 3 episode 9 abc crying GIF

10) If your child loves school as much as mine threaten that if they don’t get dressed won’t go to school that day and do nothing all day at home. Amazing how effective that is and they comply to your need of them getting their socks on.

Cheers for reading X

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

Mummascribbles

3 Little Buttons

 

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It’s a Bing thing!

Hey readers,

Today I bring you my thoughts when watching Bing, because basically I have watched an episode today and I have had enough, I need my place to vent my frustrations, so here goes.

bing

Why is Bing always having a strop off? Seriously he is such a moany little sod, all the time. He must give his carer/parent a headache.

I think Bing needs to learn the art of No. He is such a little brat, so selfish every single time. If there is one crucial lesson that Bing needs to learn then it is to stop being so self-centred and share.

I think Flop is too soft and he should just quit being all nicey and following him around all day. I mean come on no parent surely has that much patience all day long with wingy Bingy. What message is that saying anyway to a child that if you moan you will get away with it? The thing is Bing needs some discipline. The first port of call would be to quit calling it a Bing thing, more Flop thing and if you don’t like it you know where you can stick it!

bing and flop

I think Flop has some insecurities with the amount of 1-2-1 time, does he ever give Bing any space.

Why does Flop always say, ‘Aieechee!’ when Bing sneezes, what is that all about? Seems a bit odd to me.

What relationship is Flop anyway towards Bing,  is he a carer a parent and if he is a parent then pretty random considering flop is not any kind of animal, more sack like?

Why does every programme have to revolve around some moral. I believe that the best cartons are just fun, I can’t cope with any more American spin off programmes.  I wish Bing would have a change the format, it is so boring that I can predict what happens.

Why does Pando have a nappy on and no trousers on, surely this is not right, come on woman sort yourself out. You can not be like that 24/7.

pando

Cheers for reading X

Pink Pear Bear
Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
The Pramshed

Messy play, ugh!

Hey readers,

SO the other day I thought I know what would be fun and creative on Sunday morning, pre-9am getting the paints out to some messy play. I know what you are thinking already, I am absolutely insane because it appears that I have some sort of long term memory with forgetting all about the crappy attempts last time and all the stress it caused.

But as per usual ‘mummy expectations’ put on myself through reading too much ideologies through social media, this sodding technological world we live in. I respect the fact that no one ever put a gun against my head, it is just having low self confidence in anything and parenting I worry about everything. I do I am not going lie, I don’t need pity it just a fact of life.

But must remind myself any time I think it is a good idea to go solo with a three year with paints, just step away. Seriously, I appreciate art but I don’t really rate a Pollock style rug, nor walls, nor table, nor sofa, nor bath, basically any fucking where the child decides to put the paint.

I am nervous wreck anyway because I am lucky enough to have a disposition to anxiety type A  personality shall we say.

Why, is it so important to paint, it consists of the child painting a grand total of five minutes whilst muggings here spends a good old forty minutes to clean up. I spend more time doing the work then the actually child, surely that is not right.

I be honest I am not very good with mess, and disorder with no logic to it. I REALLY, REALLY should leave this type of activity to the professionals AKA the nursery . He has a good three hours, five times a week to lose his shit with the paint then all I need to do is bath him in the brown mess every single day and constantly add to the pile of washing.  I am down with that, they can guide him to be a outstanding artist, nursery staff are trained and expert in this field, hence why they have so many teacher training day to deal with such skills.

So, the moral of the story  is don’t ever let your child lose with paint until they are at an age where they can clean up after themselves. I shall just embrace painting Mr Tumble’s bow tie on the Cbeebies app and leave the important stuff to the professionals!

Cheers for reading X

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

Let's Be Friends

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

diaryofanimperfectmum

Trends that should die forever!!!

Hey readers,

Watch out girls then is a returning trend that is coming this summer – underbun! If you have not heard of an underbun it is basically where you have such short shorts that your bottom slips out. Now I don’t care about flesh sharing but sometimes girls can show far too much for the eyes to see.

underbun

Nude leggings are just a no no for me, sorry. They are not attractive and tell everyone the truth, no one wants to see them stretched over your backside, unless your stick thin it is revolting. They are also in a disgusting colour and they just not flattering at all, if you own a pair do us all a favour and bin them!

nude leggings

What is it with glitter in your roots, seriously it looks like someone has sneezed on your head or you have a really bad case of coloured dandruff. Whoever thought this was cool, it is not, so please just die off!

glitter roots

A recent trend that is growing in popularity is fur slides. To me they look like something that resembles a middle class lady of leisure that struts about in her silk dressing gown. They just look cheap and tacky, seriously if Rihanna fell of the cliff would everyone else jump off too?! I am glad I am so old that I just don’t care anymore (not that did when I was younger) to care about being hip and fashionable.

fur slides

Tracksuit bottoms with the word juicy plastered on the bottom, just looks awful. I thought they had there day but they seem to be reappearing in my local area, please just stop, I don’t want to be forced to look at your bottom.

juicy tracksuits.jpg

Fake tan just looks horrific, streaky and unnatural. Why do this, it is just not right, are they blind, do women not see this. Ok, some can get it right but a majority go overboard or can not blend it in correctly causing it to have that lovely streaky marking. I have done it once myself, never again. I looked like the angry orange and wasted money when I could of just brought a bar of chocolate and have been happy as Larry.

angry orange

Is there trends that you wish to fizzle out promto?

Cheers for reading X

3 Little Buttons

Mummascribbles

My Petit Canard</div

Funny memes to get you through the day

Hey readers,

I let you into a little secret… I love a good meme, whether I am in a bored mood, where I need something to do kill some time. What I also like about meme’s is a majority of the humour is based on situations that I can relate to anyways, which makes it even more funnier I feel.

Alternatively, if I am feeling blue laughter is a way to take my mind of my pain going through my mind. So, I have picked some corkers to share with you and I hope they make smile or even better laugh out loud.

 

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meme-7

meme-8

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Cheers for reading X