Day 2 #Blogtober17 – Babies 

Hey readers,

We are now in day 2 of #Blogtober17 and today’s prompt is babies.
Now, not to sure what I am going to write about. I don’t have babies any more but young children l, so let’s reflect on them beautiful times. One of my particularly favourite baby topic poo. I give you a poem on baby poo. But one final thought before you go, who knew baby poo was black or green (one of the first thoughts when having first born).

poo poem.png

Cheers for reading X

 

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Getting children out of the door

Hey readers,

Why are children super fast when they  want to be but as soon as a parent is desperate to get someone urgent they go to  slough mode!

Here are some thoughts and conversationset I have when trying to get kids ready and out the sodding door.

1) Please get ready, we need to get to school.

 please stitch lilo and stitch beg GIF

2) I hate you hubby for giving me the task of getting the boys ready, you absolute tool.

3) If I you don’t get ready then I am going to turn off the TV but at the same time promising to turn the tv on because you need to sit still because you need to do their hair.

4) If you don’t get ready I will phone your dad and you will be in serious trouble. (Let’s face it no one wants to hear your daddy yell at you, even mummy gets scared with the decibels used).

 simpsons GIF

5) When it gets close to birthday/Christmas or any special event that is important to your little darlings, it is the ultimate blackmail to get them ready and out the door promote. If parenting gets so bad it will be threatening every single day.

6) Shall I ask your teacher if you are like this at school? seems my son fears this one because he is so angelic he doesn’t want the illusion to vanish from the teachers eyes. Works a treat to kick his bottom into gear.

7) Threats about no pudding go down a treat (yes pun intended).

8) If in doubt and you desperate bribes can be used to keep your own sanity in tact. If ANYONE disagrees then they could bloody well come round at 7am and deal with the problem for me, no problem with that I tell you.

9) Stare at your child, if gives them the willies that the arguments must stop or mummy is going to lose her sh*t big time. This normally occurs when on a Friday because we all tired and about had enough of having to go through this drama for the fifth time this week.

Bachelor in Paradise season 3 episode 9 abc crying GIF

10) If your child loves school as much as mine threaten that if they don’t get dressed won’t go to school that day and do nothing all day at home. Amazing how effective that is and they comply to your need of them getting their socks on.

Cheers for reading X

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

Mummascribbles

3 Little Buttons

 

It’s a Bing thing!

Hey readers,

Today I bring you my thoughts when watching Bing, because basically I have watched an episode today and I have had enough, I need my place to vent my frustrations, so here goes.

bing

Why is Bing always having a strop off? Seriously he is such a moany little sod, all the time. He must give his carer/parent a headache.

I think Bing needs to learn the art of No. He is such a little brat, so selfish every single time. If there is one crucial lesson that Bing needs to learn then it is to stop being so self-centred and share.

I think Flop is too soft and he should just quit being all nicey and following him around all day. I mean come on no parent surely has that much patience all day long with wingy Bingy. What message is that saying anyway to a child that if you moan you will get away with it? The thing is Bing needs some discipline. The first port of call would be to quit calling it a Bing thing, more Flop thing and if you don’t like it you know where you can stick it!

bing and flop

I think Flop has some insecurities with the amount of 1-2-1 time, does he ever give Bing any space.

Why does Flop always say, ‘Aieechee!’ when Bing sneezes, what is that all about? Seems a bit odd to me.

What relationship is Flop anyway towards Bing,  is he a carer a parent and if he is a parent then pretty random considering flop is not any kind of animal, more sack like?

Why does every programme have to revolve around some moral. I believe that the best cartons are just fun, I can’t cope with any more American spin off programmes.  I wish Bing would have a change the format, it is so boring that I can predict what happens.

Why does Pando have a nappy on and no trousers on, surely this is not right, come on woman sort yourself out. You can not be like that 24/7.

pando

Cheers for reading X

Pink Pear Bear
Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
The Pramshed

Observations of what happens in a heatwave 

Hey readers,

 Have you noticed that it is a tat on the hot side, yep, me too and I am terribly British in which I love a good moan about the weather. So let’s look at my accurate portray of what it is like to experience going through a heatwave.

sweating 2

You know you are going through a heatwave when every sentence, every hour of the day is announcing to anyone who is listening, ‘It’s hot’.  Because no one obviously has noticed that big  yellow ball in the sky.

You go bat shit crazy in the supermarket for multi packs of ice lollies like your life depends on it.

You love your fan like a family member.

sun

Never has a cold shower felt so good until your child decides to walk in on you and declare you have a hole.

You get beyond frustrated at stupid questions asked by children about who is the smelliest when really all that matters right now is trying to concentrate on cramming as may ice cubes as possible into your cup.

You worry your bladder may explode because you have drank your weight in cold drinks in just one day.

sweating 1

Your pillow has never felt so pumped then during this heatwave with constantly turning over the pillow at night.

You suddenly become a raging manic woman over the tiniest of things  because you fuse has finally blown and throwing wet pants on mummy’s head tips her right over that edge.

The dreaded bedtime you have to do. The ultimate question, should or should you not open the windows? Where the bedroom is like a fucking sauna and outside is just noise from people constantly revving and horn beeping timed just around the bed time hour. Don’t they know these people outside having fun at bedtime hour makes this mama very, very angry.

You pine for autumn so hard, please bring it back, because I don’t know if I can cope with any more under boob sweat.

Cheers for reading X

Mummuddlingthrough

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

National picnic week 

Hey readers,

Apparently I have been told that this week is national picnic week so let’s celebrate this appreciate for all things picnicy!

picnic 2

Firstly, as a parent picnic’s are a blessing because it means less tiding up for you as you leave the crumbs and check the paper plates in the bin, result!

You can pretend to be all fancy with your paper plates and napkins, there is a sense of sophistication (even if it is paper).

It is a great way to get out of mummy prison and less time having to focus on what the hell you going to do to entertain your child.

Any excuse for some ice-cream – let’s make this a number one priority when having a picnic.

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Picnic food can be finger food, which is my kinda food. It is lovely a spread out where you can take as you please, there is a sense of family and togetherness. You can bond and talk about life *cue sick bucket*.

Nothing says summer like eating out Al fresco in the open.

When your young it feels like an adventure and it is free in the fact that when it is winter and miserable you end up in soft play hell and a hole in your wallet.

It is good to have a change of scenery and doing something different. Parenting can become tedious doing the same thing day in, day out so it gives us parents a change to keep hold of your sanity.

picnic

Eating outside when the sun is shining is a quick way to top up on some Vitamin D, which has some health benefits with helping  your mind feel good.

Technically if the child/ren are outside they are running around during that energy off which means that they should sleep better, *fist pumps*.

Cheers for reading X