The day in the life of a depressive

Hey readers,

Today I woke up elevated with thoughts of all sorts of possibilities and within ten minutes everything got shot down again. You see depression for me anyway is not where you sit in corner and cry 24/7 – though there have been times when I have done that. But I feel depression is not simply the black cloud that hangs above but it is all sorts of emotions that I experience during the day.

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This may seem an odd thing to say but there are glimpses of happiness that can last 30 seconds to five minutes and I have even been know to laugh. You would think nothing was wrong with me, but you will be fooled.

Then my brain reminds  me of how shit my life is and how I mess up everything, and majority of the time it can be rooted to my autism. I don’t care what people’s views are living with autism is no walk in the park and it is hard to deal with. Sometimes, I just want to have a break from myself and then just stop the work. It is exhausting and emotionally draining, which affects my mood deeply.

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The next feeling could be agitation and just general hopelessness of being  stuck  in a situation that I have no  control over.

Anger comes along when I have to listen to the next person who tells me that it is mind over matter and that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. Don’t let the autism get the way they chant, but basically everyone can fuck I want to  be dead. For that one second sometimes you think the world would be better if I simply didn’t exist then having to deal with the nonsense circulates around my head.

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But then there are moments that are beautiful that are full of wonder and amazement that I can almost think I have achieved something good that day.

Until you start crying randomly at some music that brings it all back and all the negativity is refaced.

You see depression isn’t just one set of emotion, I have only named a few in this post but I want people to be aware that this mental illness is not just dichotomy and that it is much more complicated then what the media portray.

Cheers for reading X

Ways that I de-stress

Hey readers,

Sometimes, for whatever reason it can be hard to wind down, particularly if your stressed out and full of energy. It is good to have a plan to know what kind of things that help you unwind. I know myself, when feeling angry I can not think rationally. That is why it is important to think pre-stress to what helps you calm down. There are many things but I thought I would give you some of my own personal example of things that help and you never know, they may help you.

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via Pixabay

  1. Colouring.
  2. Taking a hot shower.
  3. Writing a poem.
  4. Writing blog post about your experience.
  5. Getting distracted by ideas on Pinterest.
  6. Going out for a walk to clear your head and taking yourself away from the situation.
  7. Reading and losing yourself in a story. Helps to focus on something different other then what you are presently feeling.
  8. Painting nails can make you feel better and also it is a physical think which needs your attention.
  9. Watching a comedy and laughing is good for the soul.
  10. Singing some songs can make you feel better and get the frustration out.
  11. Drawing some doodles or sketching can be therapeutic.
  12. Having a sleep and escape from it for a bit.
  13. Doing some exercise can help kick out some of that pent up frustration.
  14. Being kind to yourself – positive affirmations. Remembering that what you feel now is temporarily.
  15. Do some housework, something that can make you feel better and in control.

Cheers for reading X

Diary of an imperfect mum