Defeated

Hey readers,

I have depression, however, I can still function fairly well most of the time. This week though I have suffered a knock back which has been hard to even get out of the bed to function. I wanted to hide because I just didn’t have the energy to fight. The only time I got up was for my children otherwise I felt numb and worthless.

Everything feels like a chore, having to find the motivation to continue was so hard it felt like a mental workout. My body aches because it has taken a battering from my mental torture inside my mind. I am frustrated because I fool myself that I am better when all I do is mask and try to continue.

I suppose with uncertainty my anxiety flares up making me hyper-alert to emotions and always on the lookout because I am not in control. I feel powerless and scared. I hate to think about my future because it saddens me.

My anxiety seeps into my dreams and I relive some painful memories. I don’t like it, I smashed all my stuff on my bedside cabinet not realising until I was awake to find the destruction.

People don’t realise how hard work it is. I know to change the record but it is true, you can’t escape your own mind, there is nowhere to run and feel safe. You have to get through it. It is one of the toughest things I have to do, living is hard work when you feel like a pile crap. I am consciously aware of how I feel. It is exhausting because I am battling my inner monologue.

Sometimes I want to give up a bit I don’t because I would never dream of doing that to my children. They are the only things keeping me going at the moment. I know it just an episode where I feel this crap and I know it will pass. it is just getting through this bad storm to see the other side. during this dark time, it is hard to believe that light will appear because it feels like never-ending.

I think one of the triggers is feeling threatened and not been heard. I feel the injustice and the accusation that has been flowing around. It sucks and hurts. Fear that what I need won’t be there and the fight for getting what I deserve is tough going. It wouldn’t have been so bad had it not been the situation encouraging the event to then turn the other way.

It is hard trying to fight and price something when really the person should open their eyes, but of course, money talks and who cares about being honest when really it all boils down to the number game, f*uck the individual.

I just feel so angered by life and just trying to prove my point. I just got to keep reminding myself it will pass and take one day at a time.

Cheers for reading. X

3 Little Buttons

Anxiety

Hey readers,

As a long-term sufferer from anxiety, I have learned a lot on the way from experiencing anxiety. For one thing, anxiety is the pits! At times when feeling anxious, it feels very real especially when your heart is pounding so hard you feel that it may feel out of your body.

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Over the years anxiety scared me ironically. I wanted to run away and try to hide from it but if you have ever suffered from anxiety then it will find you and you will be sure made aware of it. If anything running away from the anxiety actually makes it worse in my opinion and the experience I have had of anxiety.

person holding white printer paper

Over the years I have come to one conclusion with anxiety is to accept it for what it is. Ok, it is a regular visitor but it is definitely not a friend because it is not very nice. But accepting it and feeling the feelings is ok, it doesn’t make me a failure, which I believed for a very long time.

Accepting the anxiety and knowing that the anxious thoughts are not always true and sometimes my behaviour is just learned from all the years of fear. It is a warped way of protecting myself. Now I embrace it, I allow it to come. If I have a panic attack or breakdown in tears I let it come. It is ok and actually, it is so much more manageable than before. This mindset has helped. Likewise, with feelings of failure, I know that anxiety is something that may be with me all my life but it doesn’t mean I am weak or I give in. I accept it and work with it the best I can at that time.

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You have to ride with the anxiety like the waves of the sea. Sometimes I experience anxiety and it can be only a day where I am cribbled with intense dread. Other times I go through periods of total exhaustion, tearfulness, panic attacks etc. That is ok. It is ok not to be ok. It is ok not to be superhuman and it is ok to have anxiety. It doesn’t make me less of a person. I am not anxiety, anxiety is part of me but there are many more layers to me.

I am still learning about my mental health, it is not easy especially when you are vulnerable and prone to the negativity it can catch you out, anxiety is a bugger like that.  But I am with wisdom moving on with anxiety, if it is there it is there but I am not going to run away from it or be scared of it anymore. I think this is one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned in life. I am not superhuman but I can feel and appreciate the feelings. They belong to me and I can respond to them any way I chose. It is my life and the anxiety does not control me, I am the controller of anxiety.

Cheers for reading X

How to find a psychiatrist online?

Hey readers,

Mental health affects 1 in every 4 people in the UK each year. So it is a big thing and something that is more common then you make think. Therapy is one way of trying to solve or manage your mental health. We may not always have the opportunity to get the right service but you can now with online psychological services. The world is literally your oyster.

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Did you know you could speak to a psychiatrist online? well in this modern day and age yes you can because not everyone can seek professional help face to face or even want to. That is the beauty with technology is that there are more opportunities to seek help, however, do be careful as always there will be charlatans.

Better Help offers a review service before going to seek the type of therapy that you are after because it is important to get the right help you deserve. The good thing with Betterhelp is that they are legit and have been checked and confirmed to be the real deal. Betterhelp is that it offers a variety of therapy so, therefore, more chance of getting successful help tailed for you and your issues. Getting the help can really be beneficial for you and your life and you are getting more out of life due to the effects of therapy improving your mental health.

The sad thing with waiting for therapy on the NHS is that you have to wait and you might not get the right therapy for you. The convenience of going online and accessing therapy fast will have huge benefits for you as you are taking action and doing some positive in turn making you feel better about yourself.

Seeking help online has benefits of being flexible for seeing a therapist and also more choice in the therapy that is on offer. Unlike traditional therapy where you have to see someone face to face and in your area where you live. There are more avenues with the availability and there is the option of anonymity giving you the sense of feeling that you can be more open if you are not that confident.

If you want to read more about finding an online psychologist you can click here to an article on the subject.

Cheers for reading X

This post is sponsored by Betterhelp. However, all opinions expressed are entirely my own. 

Online Psychologists the real deal?

Hey readers,

We live in a technological age where you can practically get anything online from clothing to hayfever tablets to even psychological therapy.

When thinking about receiving psychological services online can you really trust them? How do you know that what the psychologist says is legit and save to do online?

Computer, Pc, Workplace, Home Office

Of course, like anything in life, there will always be some bad apples out of the bunch of potential good apples. However, that does not mean to say that online therapy is all bad. There have been many success stories from people who have received online therapy and it has really helped improve their life.

There are checks to see what qualifications a psychologist has obtained, meaning that they are above board and valid. They have had the correct training to give out to a client and that they are safe to do so. You can check to see if the psychologist is legit by visiting The British Psychological Society  This website allows you to search a database of registered online psychologists and what they have trained in. You can see where they are based and what kind of therapy they offer plus how much each session costs.

Alternatively, if you’re not sure about an online company or online services then there is also another brilliant website where you can check the validity of the website called Scam guard. It is a site where you can see all the complaints given to that company and this will be an indication whether they are worth checking out or not.

A lot of people have really found online therapy beneficial especially if they can’t leave the house or with the overstretched NHS mental health waiting lists. Online therapy gives a person a chance to speak to a professional trained in talking about your issues. Online therapy can give that confidence to improve your situation, you are in control and if at all you do not like the therapy that you are receiving you can say no and end it.

The beauty of therapy online is that it is flexible with time. We are not just tied down to the local therapy that is on offer locally to use that has to be fitted in the traditional 9-5 Monday to Friday slots. The therapy that is offered online can be at any time with the options of evenings and at weekends, for example, therefore giving you the individual more choice and flexibility to fit around your lifestyle. Not only is the times flexible for getting therapy but also the choice of counselor and the type of therapy you want. You have more choice with online psychologists, therefore, you don’t feel you have to do something just because it is one option. You can take your time and find the right therapy for you.

Here is a good read that explains more about psychologists online.

Cheers for reading X

This is a sponsored post for BetterHelp, however, all opinions expressed are entirely my own. 

Ways to improve your mental health

Hey readers,

I have spent a large proportion of my life living and battling mental health problems. I have experienced anxiety, depression, and OCD. So, I for one know how hard it is to manage and get on with living your life when you have hurdles to overcome. Here are some of the ways in which I try to help myself with improving my mental health and they may be useful for you too if you struggle.

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Learn to be kinder to yourself. 

This one is an ongoing problem that I struggle with, it is too put yourself down when you have learned to over time. It is easy to batter yourself with the negativity especially when you’re dealing with trauma. That said one of the ways you can do something positive in your life is to learn to be kinder to yourself. I bet if the situation was turned to a loved one would you speak to them the way you do to yourself. Changes are no so looking at the good, praise your achievement even if it is small. You can change behavior though it takes time but needs to be practicing to do so.

Take time out.

One of the best things for me when I am struggling is having time out to myself to have a breather and stop. For me, I like to get my headphones on and walk. It makes me switch off and just go somewhere else other than the situation I am in.

Set realistic goals. 

Goals are brilliant – they help give focus and something to aim for. However, the one thing that can occur for people is making goals that are too unrealistic and less likely over time to stay focused and achieve. So, when you do consider making goals have a big goal but then make micro goals to help along the way to achieve that big goal. Another thing to take on board to reward yourself with something when you have reached the small goals. This will make you feel good and make you want to continue to the next level of achieving that goal.

See the positives. 

As a person who sees the world with an empty cup of water, it can be so hard to see the positives sometimes you got to wing it until you make it. What I mean by that statement is that you have to force to see the positives, write them down and find something even if it is getting out of the bed in the morning, that is progress. Habits are hard to break so get into forcing yourself to write down three positives a day, over time this will become easier to do.

Break up the monotony. 

Life can be boring at times so that why it is important to do something now again that breaks that samey samey up, you don’t have to spend a fortune you could go to the local park and have a picnic. It is refreshing to do something different now and again, it allows you to look forward to that day.

What things have helped improve your mental health?

Cheers for reading X

Silly things my mind has told me

Hey readers,

I have anxiety and depression and one of the problems with these conditions is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are frightening, they are exhausting (for me) they feel and they make me very anxious. They feel real and can potentially turn into a cycle where the thoughts can come quickly. They may be thoughts that are fear induced or down to lack of control., Control is a big trigger for me and my anxiety.

So, now I am going to share with you some of the kind of silly things my brain tries to tell me and trick me into believing.

  • Husband is going to call social services because I have the TV on therefore I am not a good parent.
  • such and such a teacher is watching my every move I make, see if I am capable. They are taking notes and discussing me in a negative light with their colleagues. They are taking the piss out of me because I stutter, I am shaking and crying. They are watching me and judging me because I am fat, I can’t engage. They think I am not a good parent and I shouldn’t look after my kids.
  • My husband is going to die, he is out and won’t come back. He hates me and blames me for everything.
  • My husband when out shopping with the boys, I get fearful especially for long periods that they have died in the car. I am petrified and shaking. I am having very dark imagery thoughts about how the bodies are dismantled in the car, the process of imagining them dying in the car.
  • A parent in the playground is looking at me, talking about how ugly I am. How rubbish parent I am. How socially awkward I am. How retarded my children are.

The examples I have given are just a handful of examples, that have happened in the last couple of days. I wanted to share how horrible the thoughts can be and they are so scary. People assume anxiety is something a bit mandy pandy but it is a struggle. It is a battle every day for me. Sometimes I have better days, sometimes I have worse days. But the anxiety is always there ready and waiting.

Cheers for reading X