Grumpy

Hey readers,

My word of the word of the week is:

Grumpy

because sometimes life sucks, especially during the week before your period, which affects me emotionally the worst. Seriously, the smallest things are triggers and I get SO irritated, breathe and I may snap, lol!

It doesn’t help that I have a stinking cold courtesy of my boys, cheers lads I love you too ūüėČ So I have been accumulating piles of snot rags with this constant stream of snot, when will it end, boohoo! It sucks too because as a mum you are expected to just get on with it regardless if you feel like hell. I mean my arm could be dangling of and I would still have to get up and wipe my son’s arse! Parenting sometimes lovely other times well quite frankly it is pants!

I be honest I spend most of my time mopping at home, in the most comfortest clothes as I am so bloated. But I am entitled to that because I am a women and that my friends is a fact!

Hope you have had a lovely week readers,

Cheers for reading X

 

The Reading Residence

Why it’s good to cry

Hey readers,

I really struggle with my emotions at the best of times but there is one thing that I always fin helpful when dealing with my emotions and that is to cry.

crying

Before,  I used to hate it, as I felt so weak and a useless lump. However, my mindset has shifted as I got older and I came to the firm conclusion that I do enjoy a good old cry. It might not come to any solutions on how to deal with the problem but the feeling of when you cry feels like a cleaning of my motions, which I think is good for me mentally.

A lot of the time when I cry it occurs when I have had a build up of all the frustration and believe me and you I ¬†get frustrated A LOT. I am autistic and struggle with seeing the world through a non-autistic way, ¬†therefore I fee at times really angry and sad. That is why it is also important for me to find an outlet to get them feelings out in the open so they don’t get so overwhelming and interfere with my life too much.

crying 2

Therefore, I appreciate it when I cry, it is my body and mind telling me to let go, just let it all out and to me it feels like all the tension floating away. The after feeling of crying is what I enjoy the most, that transition where I can think clearer. I might not have any power to sort out a problem, nevertheless it helps make me think a bit more logically.

I see crying as a healthy way to manage my emotional response to a problem. we all cry  whether we admit to it or not. We should celebrate crying more and view crying as a natural reaction to situations when we feel sad.

crying 3

Research has highlighted that crying actually has a chemical response in the fact that we reduce our manganese levels. It has been found that when we cry the mineral manganese affect our mood and it is 30 times greater concentrated in tears then in the blood serum.

Crying gives us more control as we are actually physically doing something to help ease the pain, acknowledging the feelings and in a sense has been a way to helps humans survive in life.

Cheers for reading X

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Mummuddlingthrough
diaryofanimperfectmum

why being a woman sucks!

Hey readers,

Sometimes being a female can be lovely but other times it can totally suck. Let me tell you the things that I hate as a women.

I suppose the most obvious one is periods, which occur typically once a month where your emotions are all over the place and if that is not bad enough, you have blood for five to seven days leaking out of your vagina.

U by Kotex Brand shocked facepalm smh period GIF

A pain is having to wear bras and dealing with twisted straps, it is so frustrating.

The size of female clothing is ridiculous and varies from one shop to the next. Men have it is so much easier because they have a certain measurement that fits where as different sizes occur in women’s fashion, grrrrrr.

Feeling that if you have too many emotions going on then your not taking serious to the point where people deem you as being a drama queen.

 sad no baby crying emotions GIF

Pressures of being thin and trying to be this perfect ideal is horrible and you feel crap most of the time because I am so fucking fat.

You can’t pee anywhere, you have to find a suitable place to sit. I am so jealous of men that can piss anywhere including a bottle.

This expectation that us females are good at cooking, talking and all the other crappy stereotypes, not round here mate.

The pain of having to frequently  shave your legs in the summer if you want to wear a skirt.

If¬†you chose to wear miscara are or eye make up and restraining yourself from rubbing your eyes or else you end up looking like Alice Cooper’s sister.

This idea that females are meant to be good at communicating and that we all love small talk. Well I don’t and I am suitable shit at, not to mention saying things at the wrong time.

Cheers for reading X

 

The day in the life of a depressive

Hey readers,

Today I woke up elevated with thoughts of all sorts of possibilities and within ten minutes everything got shot down again. You see depression for me anyway is not where you sit in corner and cry 24/7 – though there have been times when I have done that. But I feel depression is not simply the black cloud that hangs above but it is all sorts of emotions that I experience during the day.

abstract 1

This may seem an odd thing to say but there are glimpses of happiness that can last 30 seconds to five minutes and I have even been know to laugh. You would think nothing was wrong with me, but you will be fooled.

Then my brain reminds ¬†me of how shit my life is and how I mess up everything, and majority of the time it can be rooted to my autism. I don’t care what people’s views are living with autism is no walk in the park and it is hard to deal with. Sometimes, I just want to have a break from myself and then just stop the work. It is exhausting and emotionally draining, which affects my mood deeply.

abstract 2

The next feeling could be agitation and just general hopelessness of being  stuck  in a situation that I have no  control over.

Anger comes along when I have to listen to the next person who tells me that it is mind over matter and that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. Don’t let the autism get the way they chant, but basically everyone can fuck I want to ¬†be dead. For that one second sometimes you think the world would be better if I simply didn’t exist then having to deal with the nonsense circulates around my head.

abstract 3

But then there are moments that are beautiful that are full of wonder and amazement that I can almost think I have achieved something good that day.

Until you start crying randomly at some music that brings it all back and all the negativity is refaced.

You see depression isn’t just one set of emotion, I have only named a few in this post but I want people to be aware that this mental illness is not just¬†dichotomy¬†and that it is much more complicated then what the media portray.

Cheers for reading X

Fluid

 

clouds

Sometimes these feels can come and flow for hours without stopping. I feel I am stuck this way but something out of the blue happens and it vanishes, just like that. It feels like it just melts away and some other sensation takes over the reins leading m to feel a certain way. I know these may be an excuse but it feels like an unconscious invasion when really let’s face facts it is all my own doing, I have no one to blame but me and my responses to situations. The emotions are so erratic at times I worry.

spaghetti unwined

Hey readers,

I was eating spaghetti today and it promoted me to write about it as you do. But look deeper the layers of thought of an eating disorder that crops up. i will promise one day I will write a lighthearted poem with no dark undertones.

Sometimes spaghetti can be quite charming,

squealing around the plate at me,

maybe because I have a weakness,

but I would rather have a carb then a hamburger,

any old day of the week is fine by me.

In the mist of my hazy love affair,

where my emotions and food are complex,

that I feel perplexed to understand my weakness,

for all things gluttony .

Even though it at times makes me squeal with delight,

I will always struggle with being weak,

it will catch me when I am desperate,

for the love of food can not be matched,

to any other relationship,

that is manifested with hate and love.

Cheers for reading X

Prose for Thought