The system 

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Pain 

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:


because I received the letter from the DWP for a reconsideration answer for a request to look at my application again for disability benefit.

The answer was no and scored zero again. I even included a letter of support from my old CPN but it appears that they have sent out the letter two days before receiving my letter, I just don’t know I bother.

It is headache that I don’t really need and it’s making me feel crap. This is how it is now we have to fight for an appeal. my anxiety goes through the roof and I just don’t feel good knowing that I have to wait for the whole appeal process to happen which could take months.

This seems to be making my mental health worse, it just makes me so angry as I have worked so hard over the past couple of years to make small but big improvements.

I suppose I have to remind myself I am not alone and other people also have to fight. I just feel angry at the system which is meant to help the I’ll and disabled. but they have just let most of us down big time.

Cheers for reading X

Autism and sadness

Hey readers,

Today has been tough, as I write this it is the evening of Christmas Day, my son has had a three hour meltdown, including an unexpected visitor at the door causing further distress.

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Both me and my eldest have autism and are greatly affected by change and over stimulated environments. As lovely as Christmas can be to celebrate a time when families get together, it can be very difficult for an autistic person because it is out of sync to their routine. Not to mention the stress of new stimuli in the environment even though I and my son enjoy presents it can still contribute to anxiety.

The whole idea of a day where it is completely different from normal, unpredictable and long can take its toll. This normally exhibits itself in a meltdown due to struggling with how to deal with emotions.

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The bright lights, the busy chaoticness of the day, the length of time together are all influences that can trigger an autistic person. It is hard even as an adult after experiencing Christmas several times in my lifetime I still struggle. I think the not really knowing what I am meant to do is tough.

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This year I seem to feel more sad because I witness the autistic behaviour in my eldest more. I can feel his pain and I know this is so illogical and silly but truth be told part of me hates myself for being the risker of passing down the genes on to my son. No one really likes to see their child in pain, you want them to be happy and thrive. I don’t care if I get slated by the autistic community if I could take that pain from my son away I would in an instinct. Yes there are some super qualities but I would choose happiness over stress any day of the week. I want the best for my son, I don’t want him struggling, however the autism will always be a barrier and it is something we will have to manage. That doesn’t stop me from being sad. I love my son unconditionally with autism but if I could I would get rid of it. He is struggling in a neurotypical world, I can see pain now and that it is the hardest bit, seeing my poor boy struggle, I just want to protect him and see him happy. That is all.

Cheers for reading X

 

Crap

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

because after the funeral I got home and I received the dreaded Brown letter from personal independence payment to find out that I have zero points and suddenly my autism seems to have vanished.

This benefit helps me with my autism manage day-to-day life and now I have to go through the hell out of appeal.

When I went through the whole stress of the face-to-face assessment, on the day we recorded it because we knew that DWP had a bad reputation for lying and putting information down that wasn’t true. Well the report low and behold this is  riddled with with lies. We think the reason I scored 0 points on everything is because she didn’t like the fact that we recorded the meeting. I am so glad we did as it is going to help a lot with evidence when I finally do the appeal.

The stress has taken its toll on myself and my husband. Now my husband is really strong minded and calm and collected with everything. I know if he breaks down that were in serious trouble, which has happened more than once this week.

So, we’re going to fight this even if it takes months you can’t give up I will kill you.

Cheers for reading X