The end of reception year at school

To my darling boy,

Can you believe that you have completed your reception and you will moving to year one. I can still remember when you were first born and being so tiny, how times have changed!

Well what can I say have noticed a real transformation, some good, some challenging shall we say. This year we have learnt so much about you and the person you are becoming.

I and daddy are so learning that you are autistic, even though no one will listen at the moment, but that is more politics and what the eyes can see more than anything but that is a can of worms that I won’t open here.

You have progressively got better with your speech and through expression. You have become more confident and independent. You have thrived in learning – I can’t actually believe how much you love reading now. You can’t seem to stop writing, which is just lovely to see. Your thirst for knowledge is mesmerising (thank Goodness for YouTube).

I know you feel frustrating at the beginning of school due to misunderstandings through communication but you have become more patient and willing to listen.  You’re so determined and possibly a little bit stubborn but I think that this are positive traits in a person and make good qualities in life.

You’re such a caring boy, always being kind and listening to others. You don’t exclude people and you want to make sure that they are involved. This might be down to understanding about mummy’s autism and the way that she cannot do the things others can do. Therefore, allowing you to be understanding of other’s needs.

You have excelled in every element of your school report and we are so proud of you. You have come on heaps and bouts. There is more work to do but I know you can achieve it as you are dedicated and focused.

We spoke to your teacher the day before you broke up and she said that you have improved a lot with your behaviour. When asked do you get involved with the naughty behaviour that other people do y out step aside and don’t get invoked. You are now more of a role model child to kids. Me and your daddy believe that this is down to the fact a few months ago we talked openly about your autism and how it affects you in certain ways.

I love you dear child and you make me so proud to allow me to call you mummy.

Well done and here is to the next year which I know you can’t wait to get stuck into

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Love you,

Mummy X

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My boy of late…

Hey readers,

I have a confession to make, today was hard day for me mentally, not only am I dealing with my  own issues but also them of  my son’s. Today he had a major meltdown which left us at breaking point. Not just for me I think, but actually for my husband as well. My husband is normally chilled out and causal about stuff so, it must be pretty bad when he is worried about how he will not only mange  with his wife’s autism (he is my carer as well) but potentially his son’s.

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I am currently sat in the other room because I really can’t cope at this point with my son’s screaming for over an hour.

We went to visit a butterfly farm locally to us, today, the butterflies are in a massive green house room and can freely flutter by. Here is where the problem lies, my son had a meltdown at this place because he could not cope with the butterflies random movement (which  I struggle also struggle with) but had taken medication to physical effects of anxiety).  He is 5 years old and is an independent walker however, my husband had to carry him around as the only place where he was calm after the heightened anxiety was where the butterflies were not in one of the other areas. The moment he stepped back into the arena where all the butterflies were that was it again, he just could not cope with it and was panic attack.

All afternoon he has been on a roller-coaster of emotions. But finally he has settled to just streaming and I mean screaming. He literally has to be restraint because of how violent his behaviour has become. He is biting, scratching, hitting, and lashing out and potentially harming our youngest.

Now,  I have been on a parenting course where it is frowned upon restraining children. I am very conscious of this. I do not do it under any circumstances but when it is a situation where risk involved and the child is hurting themselves and no other way can help that child stay calm then is not much left we could of done.

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Now you are wondering have we been to the professionals to discuss our concerns and the answer is yes, several times. Let me tell you the background, firstly he started school this September so we approached the school to see what his behaviour was like and to ask for guidance. They did observe but didn’t feel any worries. So, we went to our GP, he said to speak to the specialist person. SO we did and filled out our worries on paper, then they would investigate. That was fine, they came back to us I think within the month saying that they have taken on board our concerns but because his behaviour is not affecting him at school that they can not really do anything. However, they did say that come back in a year and see what is behaviour is like and see if any behaviour changes have occurred.

Well that is great help because as most of us know generally children are totally different when they are school, it is a different environment etc. I asked my cpn (community psychiatric nurse) who see’s me for my mental health what his advice is because he may have had experience and what he thinks we should do.

He said that the only path at the moment is through the school or GP. So because my son’s behaviour is masked (because I know for one he copies a lot of behaviour, he is very similar to me. I kid you not my husband always says that talking to him is like talking to me).

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So, basically there is no other avenue, because apparently if the child is perfectly well behaved then the child will go through the net but if the child is extreme then they will get the help they deserve. Bearing in mind that these teachers are looking after 30 odd children so they can’t spend long periods of time with them individually. It is just so frustrating right now because we just don’t know what to do but one thing is for sure no seems to care if your not extreme. They see the whole picture and that is what really sucks.

I am writing this so that I can document my journey with my eldest, who knows where we will end up but his behaviour is erratic and there is genuine concern there.

Cheers for reading X

Dear Bear and Beany


The Tale of Mummyhood

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

 

Things I would like to change

Hey readers,

I love my blog as it is place where I can track my thoughts and a way to express any worries I may have. Some things recently I would like to change to help make me life little easier.

happy

Recently I have been struggling with tiredness. It normally occurs around the end of the week and think that it is just because that it is a knock on effect of all the week has on me. I get tired anyway because of how much energy it takes to deal with my autism difficulties. I think just being kind of and not so demanding on myself. Taking it slower is better for me and my health and that is what I want to achieve. I am a firm believer in taking small steps or else it can be risky to lose motivation if I push myself too hard.

journey

I also want to try to be more experimental in the kitchen and try new recipes to help with getting more confident or at least giving hubby a break from the wonderful cooking he does. However, I do love trying new recipes, even if it is just once a week, it really does help with my confidence and esteem when I achieve good results.

Because of my tiredness and anxiety I dip in motivation to go out and about. I am hoping with my YouTube and the lighter days get more encouragement to go out. The thing is when I am out I feel good but my downfall is getting past the first step.

I know so cliché but someone with an anxiety condition it has to be to try not to worry so much. I panic about my parenting and how good I am. Sometimes, just accepting situation can reduce that great big weight of my shoulders.

reflection

Cheers for reading X

10 Reasons Why Animals Are Good For Children

Hey readers,

I believe that animals are really great for children and help them learn in so many ways. Let me express them reasons below:

  1. Animals teach children how to be gentle and soft towards animals. Girl, Cat, Child, Animal, Hug
  2. Animals can help with learning, mainly dogs because children who are not feeling confident in reading out loud are more willing to do so when dogs are around. They feel more confident in reading to dogs which can really help enhance their education.
  3. Animals can be loving and be a companion towards children. Humanities, Kitty, Play, Child, Street
  4. It can give responsibility to the child to learn to clean, feed and make sure the animal is loved.
  5. Stroking animals can help lower blood pressure and calm down a child who is angry or anxious. By giving the child something to focus on, therefore can help relax the child through touch and stroking movements that are slow and gentle.
  6. Animals help provide love and build a relationship of trust between child and animal.
  7. Having animals around can help strength immune system.
  8. Living with an animal can provide compassion in children.
  9. Sharing  a common interest of looking after animals with other siblings can help enhance the relationship of the siblings because they have a common thing that they are both interested in.
  10. Having an animal to cuddle can help reduce loliness, isolation and feelings of hopelessness. Dog, Child, Exhausts, Freedom, Luck

Cheers for reading X

Diary of an imperfect mum

FTMOB – December

Hey readers,

My youngest is obsessed with pumpkins and every time he sees something that is orange and round it is a “pumpkin”, especially when he sees the lights on top of the zebra crossing.

My eldest has been to our local cathedral in our city for a trip with the school. So many questions about Jesus and bombing. He asked his daddy, “why did Jesus get bombed?!”

My youngest always comments about his brother by stated, “he is my big brother”. Super cute.

My youngest sees bees and calls them, “bzzzzzz, bzzzzzz”.

Anything that my ds1 sees that needs mending or painting or whatever he says, “daddy can fix that, he can mend anything, he has strong muscles, super big muscles”.

Cheers for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love

Ftmob – October 

Hey readers,

Hubby shared a chat he had with my eldest early, “I wish mummy didn’t have autism. Can’t Dr’s give her medication to make it go away”. How to feel shit in fice seconds. It breaks my heart that I am now getting noticed by my son with being different, I suppose this is the start of things to come.

My eldest asking,” why do so many people get cremated it’s silly!”. 

My DS1 saying, “I wish we could live in Wales forever and never come back”. Yep me too son I wish I could totally run away from it all at times :|.

I attempted to make a joke to my DS1 saying I would leave him in the car all by himself. His response was that it is ilegal to leave children alone in the car and the police will put you in jail mummy.

As we were driving past the graveyard the other day way DS2 comments, “boo”. this is becuase he thinks the tear ghosts there, 😂 
Cheers for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love

Ftmob 

Hey readers,

Joining in with some clippets of conversation with the boys.

My ds1 joke, “How do you make bacon? By killing a piggy 🐷!” 

“If all children die together becuase of gun shooting in America then they can have a funeral together”. My eldest son comment after taking about gin crime originally around police carrying guns. Jeez it is a web of questions how the heck you got here.

“Mummy more Octonauts please”, ny you youngest asks me a million times aday. But at least now he is getting.more words in a sentence.

My eldest had a new catchphrase and constantly says to me, “everything going to be alright”.

Everytime the internet video is loading my eldest says, ‘ circle of doom”. Which is a phase he learnt of his daddy!
Cheers for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love

Letter to my son about school and things!

​Dearest son,

Right now you are embarking on your newest adventure primary school. Oh boy were you overjoyed at this prospect and love it to the moon and back. 
Well where do I start all them years ago when when I was overjoyed to feel you wriggle and jiggle inside of me. I have never felt more alive when I fell pregnant with you. 

I have seen you grow from a little blob to a happy independent little boy who I am so proud to call my son.

Your such a quizzical boy and you want to soak up everything around you. You love learning and finding out why things work the way they do. So I am sure you are going be OK during school. 

You have so much lust for life and start every day with a spring in your step. Of course, in some cases you are poorly but that is a rarity. You are hard work at times but that is only becuase you are so excited and have so much processing away up in your brain. There are times when I think will you ever stop to just enjoy the moment but maybe that is how you get your kicks by exploring.

Over the last year you have developed a wicked sense of humour and mischievous laugh which I so enjoy. You make mummy laugh (but I know secretly some of it is down to my making shhhh).

You also have a caring side especially towards your brother. When anyone cries you worry and do your best to make them happy. You love babies and everytime you pass one you say hello. I am sure you will make friends as you are a ball of energy and such fun.

It has been over a week and already evert single day you can not wait to go back. You can’t wait to play and get creative. I feel this is a big step where you will evolve intellectually and grow more mature. I’m going embrace the fact you will have fun and be happy.

The only downside is your speech but you are already getting there and it is a challenge we will face together.

I know at times it is frustrating when you don’t feel heard or the difficulty of expressing yourself to others.  Never forget though that you will ALWAYS  have the support of mummy and daddy. 

Finally I just want to say how proud we both are of you. We have watched you in the begining staring at lights all day in the first few months of your life  to watching far top many ‘ how to ‘ videos on YouTube. I love you as your own person and even though it is frustrating when you are so you stubborn it is merely I sign of how determined and motivated you are. I know that you will achieve because you have the drive.

Regardless of what path you take in life, always know that mummy and daddy love you dearly.

Love always Mummy X

Run Jump Scrap!

Ftmob – September

Hey readers,

It us that time to record them special moments with your little ones.

Both my boys were playing lovely together on mummy and daddy’s bed. U was in the next room and I overheard this conversation. DS1 says to DS2, “you be mummy I be daddy”  you then can hear movement. DS1 announces, “Mummy it’s ten o’clock time to get up”. I wish I could lay in till ten haha!
After watching Power Rangers DS1 declares to me that, “Mummy if I take your backbone out you will go all wobble like they did in the power rangers”.what a lovely thought 💭
DS1 when shocked or surprised he says ever so sweetly, “oh my goodness”.
We went to our local museum recently where they were showing an exhibition all about Lego. My DS1 commented, “were at Lego Land”. I thought this was cute. i don’t mind because it is free and feel guilty because he keeps seeing the ads on TV for Lego Land and he so desperately wants to go. But sadly we can’t afford it but coming here today he was overjoyed and contended.
When my DS1 is thinking or sees something slightly different he comments by saying, hang on a minute”.
Thanks for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love

FTMOB 11/04/2016

Hey readers,

Hope you enjoyed your Easter hols! We have had lots of chat and exploring the environment from the boys.

1) My eldest son has informed me, “Mummys have big boobies so they have milk for babies to feed and go in their tummy”. My son is exploring his body at the moment and wondering why he has small nipples and adults have bigger ones, lol.

2) My DS2 has adopted his brother ‘s obsession of Minions and can spot Minion product a mile off. He loves saying, “Minion, banana”.

3) DS1 informed me that, “when he grows into an adult he will be a man. He will go with me to Wales to a pub and he will drink wine”. This made me howl!

4) When my DS1 saw some of my waspi tape he commenred and said, “aw, mummy your tape is really pretty”.

5) On the train with DS1 which happens to be a cross-country slow train. He observes, “train wibble wobble maybe some of the train has come of the track”. Just to clarify no train has come of the track. It is just a very wibbly wobbly train 😉

6) DS1 reminds me, “daddy got poorly knees because daddy has done a lot on his knees. That is why he has poorly knees”. It is also because he has arthritis in his knees!

7) When DS2 eats jelly babies he says, “babyyyyyy” then he bites head off very
sinisterly haha!

Cheers for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love