Mother fudging guilt! 

Hey guilt,

We don’t need introductions we already know each other fairly well, as you are always there permanent 24/7 hiding in the background waiting to pounce.
I an just writing this letter to let you know that I seriously mother f****** hate you. you know this, you know when am weak and you can manipulate me. You think I will listen but I will but up a fight. There are days when there are constant internal squabbles between me and you. It is tiring and no one comes out.winning in this war. But I still put  up a fight most days, while you hoover in the  background.

I try to be a good mother,  I really do . I don’t get it always right but please stop with the pestering, knocking at my door every corner of the way through motherhood. No one provides a manual with this parenting malarkey so how am I supposed to know. Sometimes I am so scared that I don’t know what to do. All you can do is hope for the best. I am constantly learning through trial and error. Sometimes I win, other times I fail dramatically so. 

I know you love the control over my weak mind, especially when I’m not certain but I’m sick of this battle between you and me. I have had enough of this constant battering me down with your mental torture.

You take advantage of all the information available, whether that be online, TV or whatever to make a stronger argument and bring me down. I am sick of this punishment! You dampen my mood and make me feel miserable. I shouldn’t have to feel like this. I have a right to be happy just like anyone else. 

Ok, I lose my shit from time to time and shout mum makes an appearance. I let the kids watch TV, sometimes I look at my phone a little bit too much but give me a goddamn break it is hard work.

I know people are going to criticise me for making the comment but parenting is a full time job but no-one recognises what you do. Apart from you guilt, you are there waiting at every opportunity to put me down and make me feel like I’m the worst parent in the whole entire world.

Sometimes you mess with my brain so much that I lie awake in the early hours of the morning reflecting and where it all went wrong.
Right now I don’t care anymore and no I’m not 100% perfect but I’ll give it a good try. We all have to learn from my mistakes or how else do I grow as a parent.
I work my ass off, I try to do all them things that you should do as a parent I feed them a clear of them I love them but now and again I make mistakes I am only human after all.
so on a final note to you guilt I want to say f*** you.

yours,

a tired mother dealing with this guilt trip!

 

themumproject


JakiJellz

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If I was invisible I would…

Hey readers,

Id I had to chose a super power for the day I would chose being invisible. It would blow my mind and I wouldn’t know where to start, but boy would I have so much that I would never want it to end.

What would I do if I had a super power?

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Well first of I would find all them annoying people that wind me; Katie Hopkins, Donald Trump, Tony Blair, to**ers who feel the need to rev their mopped when my children going to bed and so far. I would make sure I books of poo and land it on their head that would be totally self-indulging.

Oblivious, got to play pranks on people and make sure you record it and upload on YouTube, just for the laughs!

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Free travel in Luxury to anywhere I wanted to go and sit in first glass drinking all the diet coke and eating crisps. Ideally I would aim to see Norway, Iceland and New Zealand for starters.

Haunt someone’s house, how fun would that be, I might even goes as far as my husband just to see his reaction. He is the sort of person who is totally logical and at times quite clinical about certain, such as death.

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As I am a nosy parker, love Come Dine with me, may the best house win, through the keyhole I would totally go and explore people’s homes. I definitely would pop alone to the Queen’s pad and mix things up a little bit, especially if she is doing a recording, haha!
I think may actually go to Harrods to the food quarter and you know have taster session with all the food that is on offer, my theory being is if you can’t do it when you are invisible when can you do it!

I totally would empty Rupert Murdoch’s bank account and make sure everyone knows about his phone calls/emails and any other type of ‘private’ information.

I would rip up Teresa May’s £950 leather trousers, see how she likes it when other people take things of her!

I could on and on but I shan’t bore you, but it has been good to dream.

What things would you do if you were invisible?

Cheers for reading X

themumproject

JakiJellz

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

How to be content

Hey readers,

In this day and age it is hard not to compare yourself.  I for one am guilty of this, it is so easy to assume that one has it all whilst you feel like you are floating above water.

We can forget that what you see with your eyes on the surface may not be the actually truth. How can possible know everything about someone when we only see a glimpse.

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That is why it is important to look for content within and not on unrealistic ideas that assume make other happy.

Sometimes you can fall under the trap of negativity, where all you see is the bad stuff. That is why it is important to take stock of what is good in life. No one has it all but I am a true believer in that there is one good thing in life even if it is small.

Today I felt sad as if my life is going anyway. I could continue down the negative spiral but won’t get me anywhere, it will just make me feel ten times worse.

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The things I have succeeded in is getting up and making sure my children are well and happy. I have read a book and even writing this post is productive.

I think it is important to accept the things you do have and not dwell. Being content with yourself so a hard thing to achieve when there are so many messages everywhere telling us to be like this or that. You feel like you are questioning everything.

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I think the main that I have learnt in my adult life is meaning and the value you put on something. I think that is the powerful thing. If you let go of connecting to something you would be amazed at how little impact it has on you.

I think the thing that is key in being content is questioning everything and working out what it means to you. Deep down is it really important to you?

Cheers for reading X

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Mummuddlingthrough

Cuddle Fairy

how to improve your mobile battery

 

Hey readers,

Do you suck the energy dry form your phone. Let me give you some tips to help extend the amount of battery phone.

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Firstly, turning down the brightness can help reduce the amount of battery.

When using wallpaper as background for you mobile chose a darker themes as less light is used and can help reduce your battery usage.

Turning off vibrate can increase talk time for an extra 10 minutes, If you go into your settings of your phone it is very simple to switch over.

Turn off additional settings such a GPS, location and anything else that might not be used.

One of the easiest ways to help reduce battery time is to turn down the brightness as this contribute to your battery life. This is one of the most popular and effective ways used by people.

Looking through the apps on your phone and work out which ones are using up more battery then others, then turn off the irrelevant ones.

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Now again go through a clear out of apps on your phone that you do not use anymore, this will help with reducing battery.

If you are not worried about constantly getting notifications with emails and any other notification form apps. Then my suggestion is to turn off them notifications will be a big help in increasing your battery life.

I have found that being on Android that using apps constantly comes with updates that never seem to stop. Well a way to deal with this is turn of your notifications. Therefore saves a lot of battery and if you need to update an app it is easy to do manual through the app store.

mobile

All this tips may seem little improvements but when achieving all these actions then they soon add up to longer battery life, making you get more out of your mobile during the day.

Cheers for reading X

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Mummuddlingthrough

how to reduce feeling overwhelmed

Hey readers,

I am autistic and often I feel overwhelmed by all the information that I am taking in, weather that be in the physical environment or online. So, I thought I would share with you tips that have helped me feel less overstimulated.

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The hardest thing to do so is to step away from the situation but it is the best thing to do. This is because it cuts the information and stops everything from processing. Close the computer, step away from the notes or environment and give yourself that time to calm down/switch off from what is triggering a heighted sense of overload.  I found when I have made an immediate cut off I feel I can think clearer rather than just being in the situation where all I can thing about is that one thing. It gives me change to breathe and think what my next move is.

Writing down what exactly I want to do with all the information that is spinning around in my head. Writing down has helped make me feel more space to think straight about exactly what I am doing next. Hence why I always carry a notepad, so I can write all that stuff down that is important to me. Doing this also gives me a sense of control so I don’t get scared of missing out on any vital information at a later date.

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Often when I am feeling overwhelmed at home it means that I have more than one task to complete. Typically, I am trying to multitask, which is a bad move as I am more likely to make mistakes. Therefore I do a to-do list of all the things I need to get done and then number them in priority. If I don’t finish the list I can leave it for a different time.  Sometimes, you have to accept that you are not super human and there is only so much time that you have to do stuff especially being a parent. If it is not something that desperately needs to be done then it can wait. I have done this and found that the work I do at a later date is much better quality. This is because I can focus more on the task rather than at an earlier time when I am stressed out and unable to contrite on that one task, win-win!

I am a big believer in using breathing techniques (it did take me a long time to learn the importance of this) but using all your power on focusing on the art of breathing has really helped over the past couple of months. It helps relax my body and mind, allowing me to feel a reduction in feeling overwhelmed/anxious giving me the break to think.

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With regards to my blogging I can get obsessed with linking up posts or saying yes to reviews, even though I am half-hearted about them. It is one of the most challenging things to do as a blogger is to say no, especially if like myself I struggle with social anxiety. Therefore, causing me to worry about the outcome. However, you have to look after yourself and can’t please everyone, you need to do what works for you. It is good to have a break or stop and think what makes you happy.

I hope this has helped anyone feeling overwhelmed, is there anything that has helped you get through feeling overwhelmed?

Cheers for reading X

Mummuddlingthrough

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diaryofanimperfectmum

Beach Life

Hey Readers,

The other weekend we went out for a day to the seaside, which is supper exciting as we haven’t been to the coast for along time, so both my boys were super happy at the prospect.

We went to Dorset as it wasn’t the closest and it had sandy beach as my hubby does not like stoney beach, lol.

We went to a local coastal town called Lymington which was  lovely quaint town. We popped into a lovely little tea room and had some delicious sandwiches.

Then we decided to have a stroll around the town and take it easy. We obviously we had to have ice-cream as it is the law when you away.  We came to a real cool decorated ice-cream parlour, I just love the fun balloon lights.

Their ice-cream is one of the best we have ever had. My sons love bubblegum ice-cream natural but when they saw the bubble gum ice-cream cone that blew their tiny little minds.

It was lovely to just take our time and look around at the shops. We even got to see a gold letter box, which both my boys loved.

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As you can see there was plenty of visual features to see. I am so easily distracted by quirky buildings and what not.

We then ventured on to a boat yard, and that smell takes me to so many happy memories of vising the sea side. There were seagulls and then general hustle and bustle of day to day life of fisherman and all that kind of thing.

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The man in the above photo attracted my son’s attention as he was doing a bit of water-colouring.

We then travelled to a local beach (Avon) as you can’t beat a visit to the beach. Even though it looked overcast it was pleasantly warm.

My boys enjoyed jumping on the waves and building sandcastles. Luckily we didn’t visit during the heatwave period as it was fairly quite which I enjoy more as there is less noise and chaos about. (yeah I know anti-social but true).

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Sadly, we only stopped for the day but it was a good day none the less and both boys returned home full of happy memories.

Cheers for reading X

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diaryofanimperfectmum
Mummuddlingthrough

Observations of what happens in a heatwave 

Hey readers,

 Have you noticed that it is a tat on the hot side, yep, me too and I am terribly British in which I love a good moan about the weather. So let’s look at my accurate portray of what it is like to experience going through a heatwave.

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You know you are going through a heatwave when every sentence, every hour of the day is announcing to anyone who is listening, ‘It’s hot’.  Because no one obviously has noticed that big  yellow ball in the sky.

You go bat shit crazy in the supermarket for multi packs of ice lollies like your life depends on it.

You love your fan like a family member.

sun

Never has a cold shower felt so good until your child decides to walk in on you and declare you have a hole.

You get beyond frustrated at stupid questions asked by children about who is the smelliest when really all that matters right now is trying to concentrate on cramming as may ice cubes as possible into your cup.

You worry your bladder may explode because you have drank your weight in cold drinks in just one day.

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Your pillow has never felt so pumped then during this heatwave with constantly turning over the pillow at night.

You suddenly become a raging manic woman over the tiniest of things  because you fuse has finally blown and throwing wet pants on mummy’s head tips her right over that edge.

The dreaded bedtime you have to do. The ultimate question, should or should you not open the windows? Where the bedroom is like a fucking sauna and outside is just noise from people constantly revving and horn beeping timed just around the bed time hour. Don’t they know these people outside having fun at bedtime hour makes this mama very, very angry.

You pine for autumn so hard, please bring it back, because I don’t know if I can cope with any more under boob sweat.

Cheers for reading X

diaryofanimperfectmum
Mummuddlingthrough

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Messy play, ugh!

Hey readers,

SO the other day I thought I know what would be fun and creative on Sunday morning, pre-9am getting the paints out to some messy play. I know what you are thinking already, I am absolutely insane because it appears that I have some sort of long term memory with forgetting all about the crappy attempts last time and all the stress it caused.

But as per usual ‘mummy expectations’ put on myself through reading too much ideologies through social media, this sodding technological world we live in. I respect the fact that no one ever put a gun against my head, it is just having low self confidence in anything and parenting I worry about everything. I do I am not going lie, I don’t need pity it just a fact of life.

But must remind myself any time I think it is a good idea to go solo with a three year with paints, just step away. Seriously, I appreciate art but I don’t really rate a Pollock style rug, nor walls, nor table, nor sofa, nor bath, basically any fucking where the child decides to put the paint.

I am nervous wreck anyway because I am lucky enough to have a disposition to anxiety type A  personality shall we say.

Why, is it so important to paint, it consists of the child painting a grand total of five minutes whilst muggings here spends a good old forty minutes to clean up. I spend more time doing the work then the actually child, surely that is not right.

I be honest I am not very good with mess, and disorder with no logic to it. I REALLY, REALLY should leave this type of activity to the professionals AKA the nursery . He has a good three hours, five times a week to lose his shit with the paint then all I need to do is bath him in the brown mess every single day and constantly add to the pile of washing.  I am down with that, they can guide him to be a outstanding artist, nursery staff are trained and expert in this field, hence why they have so many teacher training day to deal with such skills.

So, the moral of the story  is don’t ever let your child lose with paint until they are at an age where they can clean up after themselves. I shall just embrace painting Mr Tumble’s bow tie on the Cbeebies app and leave the important stuff to the professionals!

Cheers for reading X

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

Let's Be Friends

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diaryofanimperfectmum

Hubby’s treacle  waffles recipe 

Hey Readers,

Looking for a sweet recipe look no further, I have a winner recipe here!

Ingredients

Makes 12 big waffles

  • Plain flour 300g
  • Demerara Sugar-  75g
  • Baking powder –  2 level teaspoons
  • A pinch of salt
  • Two eggs
  • melted butter – 100G
  • Milk – 500ml
  • Treacle – 1 tablespoon

(For savoury exchange the treacle and sugar for one more egg plus any herbs you want).

Method

  1. Flour, sugar, salt and baking powder into a bowl, make a well into the centre add the eggs and melted butter  and treacle. Gradually mixing from the centre mix the liquid into the dry (hubby find’s it easier using a dinner knife to do this because of the stickiness).
  2. Starting a  little at a time add and mix the milk in, you should get a mixture that is quite runny but thicker then pancake mix just add halfway through mixing hubby switches from a knife to a spatula, leave mixture to stand while you get your plate, toppings and waffle iron ready.
  3. If you normally make waffles then we find these work better on a slightly lower heat for a longer time, so for us instead of 3 1/2 minutes at setting 4.5 out of 8, we do it for 4 1/2/ minutes on setting 4.
  4. Enjoy!

Cheers for reading X

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Mummuddlingthrough
diaryofanimperfectmum
Sparkly Mummy

Social anxiety kicks in!

Hey readers,

Today I attempted to a volunteer place but totally failed at it and now I feel a fool. 

It was an admin role but it was in an open arena with different people at different desks etc. and I just felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable paranoia and anxious. 

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I was so anxious that I had a panic attack. I felt so claustrophobic in that room. Like a fish in a glass bowl and everyone was staring at me. It is the most horrendous and intense feeling ever. 

I just could not handle it mentally. I don’t do small talk and the things I think about to talk about are not appropriate. I think it is anxiety that does that. 

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I just could not handle it and just went into flight or fight response. I forgot how bad my social anxiety can be, I have not been in this type of social situation for a long time.

I hate myself and now I am beating myself up about it. I know when I have cooled down and talked sense to myself I will see it from a different perspective but right now, in this moment, I am really down and emotional.

I feel that my response and lack of ability makes me a bad person, incapable and a failure. For a brief second I was tempted to jump in front of a train. Don’t worry I won’t but I want to be frank and real. This is real life going through the motions. You have a warped view of yourself and what you ‘ believe’ others think. 

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I feel I am less of a person because I can’t do this role, because I view success on where I have a job or not and feel that what society views as a good person or parent. This message feels even more present currently through the media when we are heading towards the general elections. 

I feel I have let myself down and my children. Why can’t I accept that I am autistic and some things are hard? I would never, ever expect a person who is confided in a wheel chair to just get up and walk.  That does not stop me being so hard on myself because the stigma is still prevalent and I don’t in normal life discuss really autism because to be perfectly honest I am embarrassed and ashamed. I feel guilty and let down. I know you’re going to say I shouldn’t feel like this but I do and I have experienced people judge me so it is hard to change. Though on a positive note it is something I am working on, but it takes time especially when it damages you so emotionally. The treatment is still discriminator out there, people see mental illness or invisibility as a negative and something that makes you less of a person.

I think I am also scared with regards to autism as it was reported in the news that NHS are diagnosis less children with less severe autism. What next I feel like autism is misunderstood and I am scared for myself and others what the fortune holds. 

Cheers for reading X

diaryofanimperfectmum

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Dear Bear and Beany