Keep writing 

Hey readers,

People say, ‘just keep writing’  is the mantra to live by. I write my blog on all sorts of things that inspire me, from poetry to the food I love. I am not a niche kind of person, I just go with what inspires me within that moment and share it with the world.

There are days when I completely lost my motivation to continue to write or even log into WordPress. As a suffer from anxiety and depression the simplest things can feel like climbing a mountain and sadly one of them is writing. Even though from a young age have found writing down the better way for me to communicate my emotions, the struggle is there.

But when I write it makes a huge difference to me. The hardest bit is to actually get started, as soon as crack that then my thoughts just flow and I have so many thoughts believe me and you!

Sometimes, I think my writing is rubbish, though I believe that should not stop me from writing as it has purpose.  I do believe it is a good mantra to keep writing, no matter what the length, one sentence or pages of words, it keeps your mind light up and can open up new ideas.  Not to mention the benefit of keeping constantly writing every day can build up your confidence and improve in the skill of writing. We can’t be all natural, but we can practice. Deep down that is ok, because even if no one enjoys my content, I still am getting something out of it, no matter if it is big or small it is helping. There are many other worse things to do in life then ramble of some words (my interpretation of  my work). Of course, I am my hardest critic. However, I am going to remain optimistic because I enjoy ands it helps deal with the shit in my life.

Cheers for reading X

 

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Five activities that won’t break the bank 

Hey readers,

Today I want to talk about things to do when you’re skint because that’s my situation right now.  I thought this may be of use to parents who struggle to find cheap entertainment when you have lack of funds.

1. The first thing that I would suggest is the most obvious thing and that is just to take a ball, frisbee or anything that is suitable for the park It can be just the local Apr down the road  but it is still fun. Not to mention getting some fresh air and a break from the four walls of your home.

2. If you are bored, skint and at home then pick film. You can even find a ton of free films on YouTube. Such a easy activity  to kill a couple of hours especially when it is rainy or to stop the never ending.

3. If you are desperately needing to escape the Doom of mummy prison then I suggest get your wellies on and go out. Even if it is to just simply collect leaves, sticks and stones. All I can be fantastic material to paint with at home. It is free and a real winner in my home.

4. I love my library, it is such a fabulous service within the community. It is  free to loan books and children’s audio books. There is free activities such as rhythmtime and story time – in the latter they provide  free activities with all their materials such as paper and colouring in pens. It  is a great day out for everyone and you’re learning, what more could you want?!

5. A classic activity to do when you’re skint is to get the board games out or jigsaws. You will be amazed at how much it can kill an hour or two and it us great bonding time. plus, it helps teach children patience and to share!

Is there anything I have not mentioned that is a real winner in your home that doesn’t break the bank?
Hope you have found this helpful and whatever you do I hope you have lots of fun.

Cheers for reading X

On the side line 

Hey readers,

When I was a child I did this thing called masking, aka faking it and what this means is that I learnt the behaviour of others. The problem being is that if something changes that I can mess up badly because I can’t be flexible with my thinking. That is the one of the characteristics of autism is we manage change and see things  black or white especially when it comes to learn.

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I think it’s really hard being an autistic girl growing up because there is so much more pressure to be sociable then a boy. That all the boys got away with not getting noticed there for less social pressure. I used to absolutely hate being a girl because of this reason and I thought boys had it a lot easier or more relaxed attitude with regards to social and communication which suited me perfectly.

Now that I’m an adult I find it a bit more easier because I have more experience and knowledge but I still frequently mess up. If I am feeling anxious or if there is too much going on in my head can’t seem to focus on the rules. There are times when stressful factors cause me more brain power than normal and it is like I regress in my behaviour. That is why it’s so hard to measure autism, as it is not something that you can say x y and z it’s constantly shifting depending on the environment and mindset of that individual.

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Since being a parent I have learnt that there are so many other social rules involved when bringing up a child.

I first it’s lovely when my children where new born as there is less pressure on me to be sociable but since my child has started school last year I noticed that there’s a hell of a lot more interaction going on.

Me being an autistic parent does affects my self esteem. A lot of the time I feel inadequate,  especially as my husband is very good at communicating and engaging with others. It leaves me feeling really angry and frustrated. I know comparing is the worst thing to do but it coincides with me learning of other people.

I think  one of the hardest and upsetting things is when  people don’t see you as an individual but some sort of invalid because you’re autistic. They don’t look past the label or they do but then they just talk down to you in a condescending way. The thing is I am aware exactly what is happening, I just I don’t have the skills to communicate and express myself as clearly as other people do.

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It has really made me feel quite low at times because I feel like I can’t give my child everything that a typical parent has to offer. I suppose that is why I enjoy the school holidays more because I don’t have to worry about the social things. The only downside is that when I return I have to deal with the social side of education and what not.I feel rubbish and I have felt very very low causing me to struggle to get up in the mornings. I have also learnt to avoid situations and tend to get my husband to do them tasks because it’s too upsetting at times to have to face the discrimination against me. I think that’s one of the saddest things about being an autistic parent is the fact that you deal with a lot of rejection or misunderstanding. I like my voice isn’t heard and again that familiar Outcast feeling appears.

Cheers for reading X

It’s OK to not be OK

Hey readers,

Today I wondered into town on a hot Saturday. The atmosphere was busy, people everywhere. Both things I am not very good at.

I appreciate that this is standard, I aimed to go to the supermarket to do shopping. I got half way there and had a funny turn. Don’t worry it is my anxiety based symptom. I have social anxiety and today it reminded me that it was there. I am not invisible, maybe a naive thinking I am better then I actually am when in reality some days are tough.

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I think sometimes I forget that being in recovery from mental health problems is a rocky road and it is not simply just black and white. It takes as long as it takes, some days are better then others. It may take years  to recovery or it might be something I have to live with and manage. I think as a person dealing with social anxiety it is really quite hard to remember that life isn’t linear and it is quite messy.

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It is so easy for me to put pressure on to get get to the end but sometimes you have to just accept the fact that you are not ok and you know what that is ok. I also feel when you discuss mental health with others who may not have experienced it or have a different experience to yourself their ‘helpful’ advice is really not that. They put their frustrations on you and there is so much pressure to ‘pull yourself together’.

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These expectations that you should instantly find a magic cure especially when you have a label as such you sense that patience runs so thin. People don’t see mental health like physical, ok mental health awareness has improved but not the acceptance. People thing by changing your attitude it will instantly get rid  it doesn’t work like that. It is something that you have to  constantly work at it and you can be so hard on yourself. You forget that it is your journey and some days are just rough. It is ok to say you know what today is a shit day, sometime we have them. I am going to say quite controversially that sometimes it can be good to have a bad day because it gives you change to reflect and appreciate the good stuff.

Cheers for reading X

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
3 Little Buttons

MIU Color picnic blanket and water bottle review

Hey readers,

I was asked by the people of Miu Color to review a picnic beach blanket and a glass water bottle.

Firstly,  I went out went out with my youngest to give both items a whirl.

With the picnic blanket what I liked about it is the size (At 5’x6.5) is really good, easily could get me, hubby and two children sitting on it.

It is wipe clean, which is really handy, especially for just  a quick mop over with small spillages. It has a water and sand proof, fabulous for this time of year for when we head to the beach. It is really well padded as well with the two layer compared to some of the other similar items on the market.

I like the colour and the stripes, really vibrant and fun design. It has a handle on the blanket so brilliant if you want to hold it. Or alternatively it is really compact when folded up and excellent in putting it in my backpack which makes life a lot easier when you have children in tow.

The blanket folds away really nicely with the Velcro stripe so it is all held in once. Making it much tidier and in order, which is really attractive feature for me.

Someone is in their element 😉

 

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The water bottle is made of glass and comes with a silicon sleave. Mine was grey but there are alternative options with regards to colour. I really like the design it is slick and I lie the fact there is little circle windows, so you can see the liquid in the bottle.

The bottle is environmentally friendly and is BPA, PVC, Plastic and Lead Free. The bottle is made with borosilicate glass—the gold standard for safe, environmentally-friendly glassware. I find it really light weight actually.

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The bottle comes with brushes so great to get to the bottle and it is super easy to clean.  I liked the little lop holder at the top of the bottle and I didn’t have any worries regarding leaks, which I have experienced in the past with other bottles

Overall, I am very happy with the products, the quality is really good and I think I am going to get a good few years wear out of them. Which again is great for the environment because I am not constantly buying the similar products so saves me some money, as a frugal person makes me very happy indeed.

I also did a little vlog down below 🙂

 

Cheers for reading X

 

I was given the picnic blanket and water bottle in exchange for a review. All opinions expressed in this post are entirely my own. 

Twin Mummy and Daddy
Mummuddlingthrough