The times are changing,
Everything is moving,
The temperature dips,
Whilst colours evolve.
The craving for home
Is a strong game,
To the shut the door,
Safe from any danger.
My word of the week is:
because it is now officially autumn and it really does feel like autumn. We even have rain and not just my order in but pour down rain which adds to the autumn feel.
I’ve been enjoying burning candles, getting cosy, drinking tea and watching crap on TV which literally is a perfect way to indulge on an Autumn evening.
I’ve also planning on ome autumn activities for the boys because I enjoyed them but not too complicated because no one needs that stress do they!
I’ve also been loving taking photos of leaves falling, it’s just so pretty with all the colours around.
Also, been dusting down my knitwear of course because the temperature or lowering making it super duper cosy. I love the fact that the air feels colder now I may be odd but I prefer the cold weather.
Cheers for reading X
I have a confession to make, today was hard day for me mentally, not only am I dealing with my own issues but also them of my son’s. Today he had a major meltdown which left us at breaking point. Not just for me I think, but actually for my husband as well. My husband is normally chilled out and causal about stuff so, it must be pretty bad when he is worried about how he will not only mange with his wife’s autism (he is my carer as well) but potentially his son’s.
I am currently sat in the other room because I really can’t cope at this point with my son’s screaming for over an hour.
We went to visit a butterfly farm locally to us, today, the butterflies are in a massive green house room and can freely flutter by. Here is where the problem lies, my son had a meltdown at this place because he could not cope with the butterflies random movement (which I struggle also struggle with) but had taken medication to physical effects of anxiety). He is 5 years old and is an independent walker however, my husband had to carry him around as the only place where he was calm after the heightened anxiety was where the butterflies were not in one of the other areas. The moment he stepped back into the arena where all the butterflies were that was it again, he just could not cope with it and was panic attack.
All afternoon he has been on a roller-coaster of emotions. But finally he has settled to just streaming and I mean screaming. He literally has to be restraint because of how violent his behaviour has become. He is biting, scratching, hitting, and lashing out and potentially harming our youngest.
Now, I have been on a parenting course where it is frowned upon restraining children. I am very conscious of this. I do not do it under any circumstances but when it is a situation where risk involved and the child is hurting themselves and no other way can help that child stay calm then is not much left we could of done.
Now you are wondering have we been to the professionals to discuss our concerns and the answer is yes, several times. Let me tell you the background, firstly he started school this September so we approached the school to see what his behaviour was like and to ask for guidance. They did observe but didn’t feel any worries. So, we went to our GP, he said to speak to the specialist person. SO we did and filled out our worries on paper, then they would investigate. That was fine, they came back to us I think within the month saying that they have taken on board our concerns but because his behaviour is not affecting him at school that they can not really do anything. However, they did say that come back in a year and see what is behaviour is like and see if any behaviour changes have occurred.
Well that is great help because as most of us know generally children are totally different when they are school, it is a different environment etc. I asked my cpn (community psychiatric nurse) who see’s me for my mental health what his advice is because he may have had experience and what he thinks we should do.
He said that the only path at the moment is through the school or GP. So because my son’s behaviour is masked (because I know for one he copies a lot of behaviour, he is very similar to me. I kid you not my husband always says that talking to him is like talking to me).
So, basically there is no other avenue, because apparently if the child is perfectly well behaved then the child will go through the net but if the child is extreme then they will get the help they deserve. Bearing in mind that these teachers are looking after 30 odd children so they can’t spend long periods of time with them individually. It is just so frustrating right now because we just don’t know what to do but one thing is for sure no seems to care if your not extreme. They see the whole picture and that is what really sucks.
I am writing this so that I can document my journey with my eldest, who knows where we will end up but his behaviour is erratic and there is genuine concern there.
Cheers for reading X
The Tale of Mummyhood
My word of the week is
No surprises why, but it was lovely this year to watch the fireworks with the family. I live on 16th floor so can stay at home and watch it all from my balcony. Last year, there was hardly any for some strange reason. But this year it seemed quite spectacular. It was particularly good now that my youngest is a little bit older to appreciate them.
Both my boys loved the way the fireworks lit up in the sky with all the different colours. We also had hot dogs and it has turned into a bit of tradition here so it was great way to end the evening. I am so glad that we can see them at our home because how cold was it on Saturday night, blimey the heating was working overtime that night. I have to really motivate myself to leave the home as I much prefer to be at home all warm and snugly.
Cheers for reading X