Lost

Hey readers,

Today I feel a bit lonely, though not in the sense where I want to mingle with people. More isolating, knowing that I am different and that sense of not being ‘good enough’. Often I can ignore or distract myself from focusing on negativity. But today is a struggle. I just feel like I can not function like the rest of society. I feel my inadequacies…. they feel so loud in my head, they might not be real but they feel real to me and today it hurts.

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I have always battled with being autisitic…it is tough going, after a tough long week of challenges with a little fight left it can defeat you. I think one of my problems so I am not often relaxed in situations such as having to go to the school assembly, this is where I feel most insecure. I don’t feel right and I feel like everyone is watching me. I know I  am probably being narcissistic and changes are no one is, no one cares, hey even some may feel similar.

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At the time it feels scary, and because my anxiety is on that super alert it is hard to come down without the good old meltdown. Yes to that question I did have an epic meltdown, it is all I could do. Then I took my laptop and wrote my thoughts. No real answers, it is merely a record of how I am feeling.

I feel not amazing but cathartic, now I am going off for a tea, cause let’s face it, tea doesn’t cure feeling crap but sure makes the painless hard to bear.

Cheers for reading X

Fashionable and practical medical ID bracelet

Hey readers,

As some readers will know I have Asperger Syndrome and with that condition comes a lot of communicational difficulties – verbal and non-verbal!

One thing that has been problematic is when I have a meltdown or really struggle in an emergency because of the unexpectedness and just generally not knowing what to say or do.

I am lucky that my husband is the total opposite of me and really good at communicating, one of the reasons he is my carer.

That is why I am grateful when Butler and Grace asked me to review there fashionable medical ID bracelet

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The whole idea of Butler & Grace is to provide a range of fashion jewellery but will the purpose of having conditions and contact details to help get the right communication information across when in an emergency.

This will be so handy as I literally freeze under pressure and just can’t get out of the anxiety bubble to get the information across, so this medical jewellery is such a good way to resolve that issue.

Tanya Butler is the founder of the company as she has a son on the autistic spectrum and she understood that attractive jewellery but with the right information is something that is missing in the market of ID jewellery. Before ID jewellery was It was a big and chunky and not very fun with the designs.

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There are many different choices of styles and you can get personalised with whatever you want, any condition. It does not necessarily have to be a physical thing, hence the autism aspect so it’s very flexible with mental as well.

I love silver and teal combined so you cannot believe how happy I was to find the piece that suited my preference in design. It is made to the size of your wrist and there is a drawstring so making it flexible with the size and comfort of how tight you like it on your wrist.

It is also fashionable because if you are wearing it every day you want something that looks pleasant on the eye. The bracelet is handmade and using polymer clay with geometric beads. You can find more details about the bracelet here.

Very easy to order on the website and choosing the selection. No problems with the delivery and great communication. Definitely, recommend if you need an ID jewellery but something bit fun as well.

Cheers for reading X

I have been gifted a bracelet, however, ever all opinions expressed are entirely my own.

 

The struggle is within

Hey readers,

I don’t often discuss my parenting issues in relation to my autism, mainly because I am embarrassed and quite frankly ashamed.

I am going to be straight up and honest and say that I struggle with this parenting thing. Let’s be more specific as I am aware that actually, I am good at some bits. Depression would argue but that it is the truth. However, the one area I do struggle with is mainly with my 4 years old and trying to entertain him for long periods. I feel guilty if I can’t entertain him but stuck in a dilemma where I can’t concentrate on people for long periods of time, it totally exhausted me. I am also an introvert so therefore need time alone to energise me, I find interacting exhausting as a lot of the time I am thinking beforehand about how to communicate. The times when I am not thinking are when I am being impulsive due to anxiety therefore not censoring and not always saying the right. Not really rude, just random and repetitive. Kinda overlaps with ADHD/OCD traits I have learnt. I don’t have ADHD but with Aspergers there many overlapping traits from other conditions that are apparent. I digress (a major trait of mine right there).

I find it hard to entertain as there are many thought processes that occur and that is tiring. 9 times out of 10 after ten minutes of play I am exhausted mentally. I need to do nothing and shut down as I have used all my energy up focusing on that one action that takes many different social rules.

Little Girl, Child, Girl Child, Person

I think one area that is really tough for like me as an autistic living in a technological world (though most of the time it is the dream) I do get sucked into the whole idea of perfect parenting with this idea that you have to entertain your children all the time.

I am one of the few or many not many other autistic people have spoken out in actually I do care what people think and I am very aware of me. I am not dissing autistic people that don’t give a dame, in actual fact, I admire you and wish I was bloody like that, hell it would so liberating. But I have not reached that acceptance of me.

I wish I could just be laid back, but it seems I am a worrier and feel that because I am an autistic parent I need to make up for my inadequacies.

Cheers for reading X

 

New

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

NEW

because my son this weekend went to his first ever scout camp. We were a bit apprehensive as my son is autistic and we weren’t sure how he would respond. Luckily my husband is a volunteer so he stays with him so he doesn’t have a sudden breakdown. That helped a great deal. He did struggle in the evening and the following day. However hubby took him aside to talk it though.

The good news is he did enjoy the camp and he is really looking forward to the next one. However, Monday he was mentally drained from it, so we had to take it really slow with him. Still, for us it is positive he stuck it out and enjoyed himself.

He loved the food from camp as well, I can’t believe how much he ate and even tried the jacket potato though previously he would be against it.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X