Peaceful

Hey readers

This week my word of the week is

as I haven’t done a lot but it is just wan I needed for me to rest as I was totally exhausted mentally and physically. I have been to the park, scooting and checking out museums close by home. It has been pleasant and I have just rested which I believe has helped my soul. I think I just needed time to shut down. I have to take it slow, which I have been doing with pottered about, reading and just generally taking it easy.

Also, the boys have been kept busy with accessing free swimming lessons (they also have their normal ones) so that is one of knackering them out, #mumhack.

My eldest has also gone to the occupational therapist to help with hand control. We have had issues as he is left-handed but won’t write with his left hand. This is because he believes that because I am autistic and left-handed that will mean he will be the same. I try to tell him that really doesn’t matter what hand you write with there will always be autistics who either write in their left or right hand. It has been a struggle so hope these sessions will help.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Change

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

First of to kick start the summer hols on day son decides to run in the kitchen with the tablet and accidently drop it on the floor. Restyling in leaving a wonderful massive crack on the tablet, excellent stuff.

We decided to try out the camping for one night this week and sadly I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t cope with the whole situation due to my autism. SO now I feel pretty crappy about myself about the whole situation that I am not good parent again because I cannot do what normal people do. I had a meltdown because of all the stresses and I worry that my husband thinks I’m a right diva but I’m not I just can’t cope with the situation. I am useless with change and dealing with new environments especially when it involves waiting around. It just a big massive trigger for me.

Cheers for reading X

Ways to improve your mental health

Hey readers,

I have spent a large proportion of my life living and battling mental health problems. I have experienced anxiety, depression, and OCD. So, I for one know how hard it is to manage and get on with living your life when you have hurdles to overcome. Here are some of the ways in which I try to help myself with improving my mental health and they may be useful for you too if you struggle.

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Learn to be kinder to yourself. 

This one is an ongoing problem that I struggle with, it is too put yourself down when you have learned to over time. It is easy to batter yourself with the negativity especially when you’re dealing with trauma. That said one of the ways you can do something positive in your life is to learn to be kinder to yourself. I bet if the situation was turned to a loved one would you speak to them the way you do to yourself. Changes are no so looking at the good, praise your achievement even if it is small. You can change behavior though it takes time but needs to be practicing to do so.

Take time out.

One of the best things for me when I am struggling is having time out to myself to have a breather and stop. For me, I like to get my headphones on and walk. It makes me switch off and just go somewhere else other than the situation I am in.

Set realistic goals. 

Goals are brilliant – they help give focus and something to aim for. However, the one thing that can occur for people is making goals that are too unrealistic and less likely over time to stay focused and achieve. So, when you do consider making goals have a big goal but then make micro goals to help along the way to achieve that big goal. Another thing to take on board to reward yourself with something when you have reached the small goals. This will make you feel good and make you want to continue to the next level of achieving that goal.

See the positives. 

As a person who sees the world with an empty cup of water, it can be so hard to see the positives sometimes you got to wing it until you make it. What I mean by that statement is that you have to force to see the positives, write them down and find something even if it is getting out of the bed in the morning, that is progress. Habits are hard to break so get into forcing yourself to write down three positives a day, over time this will become easier to do.

Break up the monotony. 

Life can be boring at times so that why it is important to do something now again that breaks that samey samey up, you don’t have to spend a fortune you could go to the local park and have a picnic. It is refreshing to do something different now and again, it allows you to look forward to that day.

What things have helped improve your mental health?

Cheers for reading X

Ongoing minefield of parenting

Hey readers,

Sometimes I lie in my bed at four in the morning and I am just staring at the ceiling and my tummy is filled with dread. My thoughts are filled with fear and I wonder how I am going to get through another day as a parent.

I don’t feel confident at all and I am always questioning everything. Sometimes, I get annoyed with my husband, how he could allow me to be a parent when I am totally useless. I am always tired and things seem to take a long time to master. I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again.

I am now sitting in my son’s assembly hall waiting and feeling yet again that familiar feeling of being a true outcast or black sheep. This feeling is not new to me, it comes frequently where I feel like I am an outsider looking through the glass where I just can’t reach through. It feels so close yet so far away.

There are other times when I get jealous of my husband, he can just get things and communicate really well. I am sitting back permanently struggling and my tummy is in knots with anxiety. He does try to understand my neurosis bless him but he is the complete opposite of me. I watch on as he mingles and just gets these social rules that I seem to get muddled and fail all the time. I just get things, or I am just anxious state of a person. That is one good thing about summer holidays even though I am dealing with the change but not having to think. I over analysis I know but at least it gives me a break where I don’t have to feel completely sh*t again. I know I will never be one of them, good parents that I so desperately want to be, I mess up it is a natural talent of mine. I just get so fed up with it all and after takes its time. It hurts deep and it so damn frustrating. It is a minefield and just getting through the day is a challenge in its self. The thoughts that trigger me are so strong, they keep me awake and let me everytime my downfalls. I just need to a breather, time away and not to think that would be totally blissful.

I remember when I was pregnant dreaming of being this type of parent that would swim into motherhood like flies to poo. Sadly, it hasn’t happened, to delusion, I am nothing that I expected. I thought I would be good at communicating because I was living this role as a mother that it would all somehow come to place. That I would have this maternal instinct. The only thing that I am good at it appears to be is hanging up the washing and creating random fun stories for my boy. It is not much, I am never good at small talk but I take it now and I got to learn to accept the situation for what it is.

Cheers for reading my ramblings X

How do I find a therapist near me

Hey readers,

If you have read my blog before then you will know that I have suffered from mental health problems for a large portion of my life and have had several different types of therapists in my time.

If you are in need of a therapist to explore ways of managing your mental health issues or just talking to someone where do you look for one?

Finding a therpist1

Well first of you could ask your GP for a referral for some kind of talking therapy. However, in this day age, it can be a long waiting period depending on the severity of your mental health problems sadly. In the past, I have waited for two years to seek help and during the time my mental health has deteriorated.

There are community mental health nurses who can see you are a regular basis and can deal with a more practical side of things such helping with benefits, accessing services, housing etc. CPNs are primarily there to provide support for people with mental health problems adjust to living life in the community. You will need a referral from your GP to access a CPN. Alternatively, there is a service called IAPTS (improving access to psychological therapies) run by the NHS and they can provide CBT for mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Normally you can also self-refer. However, this service is not available everywhere so you will have to check that it is available in your area.

If you can afford seeking private then the world is your oyster quite frankly. One place that you may want to look at this article Betterhelp that is a clear and concise in-depth information on where to go to find a therapist.

When thinking about seeking a therapist you have to understand that there are several different types of therapy and some conditions respond better to the type of therapy that is offered.

So, for instance, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) deals with current issues and doesn’t look at the past or childhood. Its main focus is problems that are present now and working with thoughts and behaviors to change the way you’re responding to the situation, This is great for anxiety, OCD, eating disorders for example. It is about changing one behavior for a positive behavior and it is short term. Normally courses last six to twelve weeks and it is a very practical way of seeing fast results.

However, if you have experienced trauma such as rape, abuse then I think therapy that is more exploring feelings and talking openly to someone in a confidential setting may be more suited because not about changing opening up and allowing them emotions to come to the surface.

Therapists can also be online and you can use Skye which is a modern practical way of communicating and seeking therapy. Depending on what you are looking for this option allows you to have more choice in the variety available rather than just having what is available within the area that you live in.

Also, if you are searching for a therapist in the private sector make sure that they have the right established qualifications to work with people who have mental health conditions. They need to have the right accreditation to work in mental health and giving therapy. Each type of therapy has a set of qualifications that a therapist needs, this is to show that the therapist has had the correct training to carry out the therapy on people.  It is good practice for therapists to be signed up with The British Psychological Society  and this allows you the general public can go to the BPS and ask what qualifications the therapist has and the training that they have undertaken.

Hope you find this information useful.

Thank you for reading.

This is a sponsored post for Betterhelp. However, all opinions expressed are entirely my own.