Those that make the loudest noise get heard!

Hey readers,

Those that make the loudest noise get heard. I know this totally the opposite of a similar saying and agree that you don’t always have to make the biggest noise. However, in some situations, you need to speak out and make that bloody noise to be noticed. This is a lesson that has taken me years to work out. I used to be reserved, even on my blog I worry about what to write and scared that if I am too honest people won’t like it.

depression

 I suffer from mental health conditions (OCD, anxiety, depression, social anxiety) and some of the thoughts that I have scared people. Living with mental illness is a very dark place to be and them thoughts that are taboo, I have to live with every single day. The kind of thoughts I have is thinking about not being here, the world be better off without me, I can’t cope anymore I just want to die. I dread getting up and having to get through another day. This is real life for me, it’s not pretty, it’s tough and I don’t chose to feel this crap if I could wave a magic wand I would be there like a shoot. I want to be More open and raw on my blog because that is what I like to read from others. I am not looking for solutions or sympathy, it is just my little place to express myself. Sometimes, just writing it down can be so cathartic and really beneficial, instead of bottling it in.

calm

I need to stop feeling so ashamed or worry I talk about anxiety or depression a lot. because you know what it is there in my life a lot. It is part of me so naturally is one my biggest influences on the content I make. One major thing I worry about is being open about my mental health on my blog and then maybe at a later date not getting a job because of it.

I think this conservative sort of keeping quiet and carry on mentality stems from childhood and the way I was brought. My earlier years I was brought a Roman Catholic which is pretty hardcore.

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So, I am slowly changing my thought processes and the way I communicate. It may not be to everyone’s cup of tea but someone may stumble across it appreciate that they do have similar feelings they are not alone. Mental health is very isolating and gets bad press because you know I have come across people that think I am being a drama queen, but accepting that is OK. The more we talk about mental illness the better chance of breaking down the stigma. I believe that mental health should be treated equally the same as physical health.

Cheers for reading X

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Things you do as a mum

Hey readers,

Some people think that us parents do nothing but just sit and drink tea all day. This may be true of some things, however some things I need praise for the things I can achieve as a parent. Here is the type of things I am successful to achieve as a parent.

Cleaning up my darling child’s snot, here you go, darling, have my lovely warm clean jumper sleeve to remove that string of snot. I don’t care if I look a tramp, I just can’t stomach it anymore having to see you try to lick it away.  *This is the kind of thing that normally happens when we are in public and I cannot access any bog roll*

I am suitably relaxed on the sofa watching This Morning and then the sheer terror washes over me as I hear the loud shout, “mummy, I’ve done a poo,” argh.  That means I have to rush to the bathroom to do the loving chore of wiping the feces of my son’s bottom. I just pray it is not runny as it goes absolutely everywhere!

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Some skills you never think you will acquire, until suddenly you become a parent and you have to think right outside the box (which to be honest as an autistic person myself is f**king hard and uses all my resources I can tell ya). It is amazing the stories I can come up with or using techniques just to keep the child quiet for five minutes when we are out. I never thought I could be so creative waiting in a busy dentist room with a leaflet to entertain a child.

You know what I never heard my own voice as much as becoming a parent, I take more notice than my child. Maybe it would be easier to invent a tiny person in my head who appreciates what I say, as no other sod does,  haha!

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I never knew there was such a thing as speed cleaning and boy have I got that down to a T. I have never dashed around the home to quickly make it less of a s**t tip in two minutes when I am greeted with unexpected visits.

One thing you soon learn early on in the game of parenting is that bribery wins the day, saves societies and makes family units strong.

It seems my children are allergic to finding anything that is requested of them, I seem to have developed a skill where I can find anything, particularly when it is so clearly visible to the naked eye. This skill takes little effort and nine times out of 10 can be sorted within 30 seconds, I know what your thinking totes amazeballs, right?!

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Once I  became a parent it seems I have another person to deal with and that is my little friend guilt, that is always committed to being there for me 100%.

Once I was not a fan of sick, but somehow miracles do happen and I am not afraid of sick anymore. If my child spontaneously wants to be sick on me, not that I would have chosen it but I would get on with it and deal with it.

Isn’t motherhood amazing, people don’t realise the commitment, but parents you mostly on average rock. *bar the odd dodgy parent*.

Cheers for reading X

Why daily routines are good

Hey readers,

I love having a daily routine. There are times in my life where things happen such as Christmas where that routine goes out of the window. During these times it really makes me appreciate a routine even more. I literally pine after that routine and get itchy feet to put down a to-do-list for the day.

A journal open to a blank page on a table with three pens and an eraser

Here are some positive reasons why having a daily routine can be really beneficial to you.

Because it creates automatic habits over time that you don’t need to think about. Therefore, leading to not having to use your time to think about it means you are being more efficient to do other things.

Less need to plan when you have a regular routine because you subconsciously just do it, in turn, leads to healthy habits that you automatically do over time.

Routines help creates motivation to keep going because you can see the benefits that a routine is having on your life.

A woman sits on a bed with an open book, holding a mug and her cell phone

Once you have your s**t together you will be quicker. Therefore more time to relax.

Less likely to procrastinate because you wire your brain to do the things that need doing as you have a plan and know what to expect.

You will feel more in control as you know what you are doing, giving you the confidence to get stuff done.

Having a plan for the day can help you get a better night sleep when you know what to expect without having to dread the night before what the day will happen.

It gives you a sense of security as you know what to expect and can make you feel comfortable about life.

A pencil on top of an open notebook

Routines help reduces stress levels as you feel more confident, in control and having that sense that you can get something done in a day.

Having a routine can help give you a structure to your day.

I hope that has inspired you.

Cheers for reading X

Today

Hey Readers,

Today has been hard. Well not the whole day but in the morning where for the first time I took my eldest swimming. My husband and youngest were also there. I struggle with social anxiety, autism and a fear of drains.

The first half was ok as it was just me and my eldest. The swimming pool swimming features weren’t switched on so, therefore, a lot, lot quieter, phew! My hubby was with my youngest in a different area as my youngest was having a swimming lesson.

Close-up Photo of a Flowerr

However, the moment when the features got turned on and the crowds appear I am shaking. Then the youngest and husband come into the pool. If that isn’t hard enough my eldest has a friend who I didn’t expect to be there so that is another stress.

Before too long I was struggling, had a panic and all I wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole.

I didn’t manage the whole time arranged as I just couldn’t cope. The husband recognised that it was too much so suggested leaving early. Now I have the rotten mother guilt to boot.

Photography of Trees Covered With Snow

I feel rubbish, and I am literally shattered. It does not help that I spend most of yesterday feeling really anxious. All adds up – my mind and body are aching. Luckily hubby looks after the children when I sleep for a couple of hours. When lying down and sleep I just felt all the physical pain.

I hate anxiety!

Cheers for reading X