You are the artist

Hey readers,

When I think of the term ‘you are the artist’ I envision it as interpretation. I am mostly bad at interpreting quite frankly. That being said there are times when I see that I think outside the box. I don’t follow a linear movement of what is expected of me due to my autism. I can’t read faces but I can follow my intrusion. I feel it is my light that guides me and helps me move forward.

Free stock photo of sea, dawn, nature, beach

They do say if you don’t have a strength with your senses then you are enhanced in other ways, I believe that to be true. I am not good at communicating, grammar is not my forte but my words are raw and I feel they have weight to them. I feel I am better with written words, I was mute when I  was younger and used poetry as a form of expression. Some may deem this as an art form and that is my calling. I love words, I find them powerful when writing down, maybe because I can take my time to think about what it is I want to say, maybe because I have so many ideas racing through my head I feel inspired. I am lucky that I have this art form. A few years ago I stopped writing, through a really bad trauma I took a change and started blogging, random stuff but it helped me greatly out a dark depression. It motivated me when I lost all hope when my hurt was so raw, words were my therapy. They gave me the strength to get up and carry on. Therefore I am grateful for having a love relationship with words, it has helped me heal and move on with my life.

 

Getting to know you tag

Hey readers,

I got tagged by the lovely Confessions of a new mummy to do the get to know me tag.

When was the last time you cried? Today, I am due on and appears that smallest of things can trigger me for no reason, bloody hormones.

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Yes, I would.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Always, life is much better-having sarcasm in your life.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their face, ironically even though I tend to get confused with facial expressions as I have autism.

Scary movie or happy endings? I suppose scary movies but more in the sense of mind f*ck with Psychological thrillers, horrors bore me now I am older. However, when I was a teenager I used to love them!

Favourite smells? The smell of washing coming in from the line, an open lit fire, when you come home after a holiday.

What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Spain.

Do you have any special talents? Procrastination!

Where were you born? Coventry.

What are your hobbies? Blogging, vlogging, poetry, reading, colouring in, photography,

What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to work in a morgue and get the dead ready for the funeral.

How many countries have you been to? Four – Ireland, Spain, France and Germany.

What was your favourite/worst subject in school? My Favourite was History, Geography, English Literature. Worst – maths and P.E.

What is your favourite drink? Tea.

What would you (or have you) named your children? I don’t share my kid’s names online however, I would of loved fleur just because I love the way it sounds.

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers? I love commentary videos and people that make me laugh. Pyrocynical and H3H3 productions are brilliant for light-hearted, sarcastic p*ss take.

How many boyfriends have you had? less than 10.

Favourite memory from childhood? evening walks or playing in the garden late on summer evenings.

How would you describe your fashion sense? Whatever the f*ck can fit into, being a size 22 sucks but that result of medication else I would kill myself otherwise. I try to find stuff I like but with funds it is hard. I definitely am a sucker for a slogan tee!

Tell us one of your bad habits? bidding my nails, technologic, insomincac, worry wort, socially awkward.

I tag anyone who wants to join in 🙂

Cheers for reading X

Age is a wonderful thing 

Hey readers,

People knock being old, for fear mainly. However, age happens to everyone. So, let’s celebrate it because it can be wonderful for many reasons and here is why.

With age, you become more confident because you have lived on this planet longer and you know what the crack is. You know most people in front and you learn to not give a s**t in some respects. You change and you learn to grow into a different person, with different needs. With age you slowly don’t give a monkey’s about peer pressure, you can wear what you want, listen to what you want and it doesn’t matter who you know because you can do your own thing.

Now that I have become older I care less about materialistic things that were much more important when I was younger. Not because of money more the fact I put more meaning on to them.

You are wiser with age and have learnt more so you have that experience. Which comes in handy sometimes as we all know knowledge is power.

I think we age certainly with myself I am less likely to judge. I am much more understanding and flexible with my thinking, understanding that people are different.

Let’s celebrate wrinkles as a positive because they indicate that we have lived, experienced and still here to tell the tale. If we stopped worrying so much about looking younger then the messages would slowly stop with trying to get us to buy wrinkle what not because it wouldn’t be working because no one would buy their products.

I like the fact I can get to see my children grow as I get older. I don’t fear it or get sad but happy and feel blessed that they are alive. As so many parents don’t get this opportunity.

What reasons do you have to why ageing is good?

Cheers for reading X

Ways to deal with anger

Hey readers,

Life can be tough and make you feel angry and lash out. I have written a post about ways to use that angry in a constructive manner so that people don’t get hurt but you can deal with the angry positively.

Night falls over a beach as a crescent moon shines in the sky

Do something to use up the rage, maybe go for a run, rip paper or like me clean kitchen floor and get that frustration out of your system. I always better after cleaning up and I have the added bonus of a tidy kitchen, whoop!

I know this can be hard but if you are in a situation that is causing that angry it is better to hold your tongue and walk away in the long term, We all have said things in the heat of the moment and when you are angry you can’t think straight. That is why it is better to walk away and postpone what you want to say at a later date when you are thinking rational and calm.

Speak to someone can help if it is anger that is a long-term problem. I problem shared is a problem halved, especially if is someone that you can trust and may be able to offer some answers to your problems. However, sometimes or we want is to vent and that is ok too because it is better to let it out then keep it bubbling away inside.

Find a solution – maybe not instantly but read on the internet or ask someone for advice can help.

When I am angry I am just not in the mood for anything. I simply need to do is go to bed and sleep before making a big decision. I feel much calmer after having a rest and it gives me a better to change think clearer.

Sometimes, I can not always express myself verbally so I grab a pen and pad and Write it down. It feels after fantastic because it is much clearer to see the problem rather than going over and over things in my head.

you know what I love a good cry and that is all need to have the moment to break down in my room and get it out of my system, I feel tons better and I love calming feeling after.

Hope this helps,

Thank you for reading X

Relaxed

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

Sometimes, if I am honest I can get overwhelmed before the half term as the prospect of having two boisterous children during the holidays fills me with dread. However, I have to say it hasn’t been too bad. The boys love playing together and not too many meltdowns. I have been relaxed and that makes a huge difference.

My eldest has made me his first ever cup of tea. He was so pleased because he has been so desperate to make me one. It was a lovely little surprise. Don’t worry he didn’t just do it himself but with assistance from his daddy. Then he was like I want to get a plain cup and he wanted to write with the sharpie pens ‘I love mummy and daddy’ and it was like an awwww moment, bless him!

Hope you have had a good week,

Cheers for reading X

Blog Therapy 

Hey readers,

Some days are really crap, you wonder how you are going to get through them especially when it is only 9:30 on the morning.

I am so tearful because I have reduced one set of medication. I know it is only a side effect and will be worth the pain in the long run. But right now it is a struggle especially when I am so needed during the summer holiday.

recovery 2

I am not very good when people demand me for long periods of time.  For me being autistic it is mentally draining and a real battle. I need to switch off and sometimes I just need escape to my bedroom for some peace for five.

I feel a bit suffocated as well being in a flat and the weather being rubbish. I just haven’t got the motivation to anything when I am so tired.

suffocated

I feel so guilty for feeling tired when I should be on the ball but sometimes I question My ability to parent such as today. I know this is just short lived and because I am frustrated, that being said I have to battle with this thoughts.

I feel pulled into two ways to right my personal feelings as one side of me thinks I am being silly. The other side feels it is cathartic and may help someone.

recovery

It is amazing how powerful words on and just writing down your thoughts can really help even if there is no solution. It is a bit like therapy and that is one of the reasons why I love to blog. As in real life I am rubbish at expressing myself to others. Words seem to get mangled up and I stutter and shut down. Again this is influenced by my autism.

So, that is why I turn to my blog as a place of comfort and release of emotions. I don’t feel judged and it is a place where I can freely right without having to worry about all the other social aspects involved when speaking verbally.

Cheers for reading X

Cool for cats

Hey readers,

You can learn a lot about cats about how to live a more relaxed life. I hate being human sometimes, I just doubt everything in my tiny little mind. I dread Friday is the worst, it is like I have had a whole week to beat myself up on not being good enough.

CAT 3

Why do ‘some’ of us torture ourselves, we think we are weak when really we must be strong to get through this personal torment. There are days when all I would love to do is sit back in my hammock and just forget everything.  I know, I know I think too much, that is always been my downfall. I am just so glad for summer holidays, I am exhausted from worrying about not being good enough parent.

CAT 1

I hate failure, we all fear it but if asked what is success, I wouldn’t be able to tell you so how can I fail if I don’t know what the alternative is?!

Life is much simpler being a cat, all you need to worry about is the small stuff like finding a place that is warm and sunshine touching your fur. How amazing would that be to have to care in the world. Maybe I should ask my husband because he is an expert in it.

Being a cat has so many benefits such as, getting rent free, being able to sleep as much as you want and have the freedom to roam about and piss on your territory . I would definitely be up for that, haha. Even if people annoy you, you cats can walk away and not give a damn, that must be so liberating not caring what other people think. There is no drama about being fat and what worrying about how people view you, you just prance about in your fur all day, look great with no effort whatsoever.

CAT 2

Told you cats have it great, we can learn a thing or too.

I now leave you on a final quote:

Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.  

James Herriot.

Cheers for reading X