Mother fudging guilt! 

Hey guilt,

We don’t need introductions we already know each other fairly well, as you are always there permanent 24/7 hiding in the background waiting to pounce.
I an just writing this letter to let you know that I seriously mother f****** hate you. you know this, you know when am weak and you can manipulate me. You think I will listen but I will but up a fight. There are days when there are constant internal squabbles between me and you. It is tiring and no one comes out.winning in this war. But I still put  up a fight most days, while you hoover in the  background.

I try to be a good mother,  I really do . I don’t get it always right but please stop with the pestering, knocking at my door every corner of the way through motherhood. No one provides a manual with this parenting malarkey so how am I supposed to know. Sometimes I am so scared that I don’t know what to do. All you can do is hope for the best. I am constantly learning through trial and error. Sometimes I win, other times I fail dramatically so. 

I know you love the control over my weak mind, especially when I’m not certain but I’m sick of this battle between you and me. I have had enough of this constant battering me down with your mental torture.

You take advantage of all the information available, whether that be online, TV or whatever to make a stronger argument and bring me down. I am sick of this punishment! You dampen my mood and make me feel miserable. I shouldn’t have to feel like this. I have a right to be happy just like anyone else. 

Ok, I lose my shit from time to time and shout mum makes an appearance. I let the kids watch TV, sometimes I look at my phone a little bit too much but give me a goddamn break it is hard work.

I know people are going to criticise me for making the comment but parenting is a full time job but no-one recognises what you do. Apart from you guilt, you are there waiting at every opportunity to put me down and make me feel like I’m the worst parent in the whole entire world.

Sometimes you mess with my brain so much that I lie awake in the early hours of the morning reflecting and where it all went wrong.
Right now I don’t care anymore and no I’m not 100% perfect but I’ll give it a good try. We all have to learn from my mistakes or how else do I grow as a parent.
I work my ass off, I try to do all them things that you should do as a parent I feed them a clear of them I love them but now and again I make mistakes I am only human after all.
so on a final note to you guilt I want to say f*** you.

yours,

a tired mother dealing with this guilt trip!

 

themumproject


JakiJellz

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I hate the term girl gang

Hey readers,

There is this term knocking about on the internet called GIRL GANG and I hate it with a passion. Let me tell you why, well for a start I don’t need people to help me and nor do I like a person based on their gender. It is really not important to me and as sickly as it sounds I like a person because of who they are and not because they have a vagina.

girl gang

I don’t want to be an arse licker and you get that sense with this whole phenomena  of the term girl gang. I chose who I like and some girls quite frankly are twats where as others are my idols.

I don’t belong in gangs, it gives a sense of threatening and I don’t believe in ganging up on people to like you or others.

girls

The whole term of girl is condescending anyway, like we are not allowed to be called women because they are too hostile. But that is what we are and we should celebrate it. But also we don’t need to have to push our gender out there surely, shouldn’t we just forget about that and celebrate the actually person.

There are all these kind of ideas of the people in a girl gang whereas if it is men they don’t go on about their gender but merely just get to the point. Which is what is much more attractive. Some great women are not bold and assertive that doesn’t make them less of a female and any less of a reason to celebrate them. You only get certain type of person in these gangs but there is so much more to a person then a title.

feminism

I class myself as a feminist in the sense that everyone should have equal opportunities regardless of your gender. It should be fair and not sticking silly labels to an idea of empowering others when really all you are doing is excluding others. If you want help then cut the sectioning off and let’s just celebrate people regardless of whether they have a vagina or not and see them as a person in their own right.

Cheers for reading X

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Mummuddlingthrough

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Family Finances: Unexpected Situations To Plan For.

Hey readers,

 

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Illness

Your family may be fit and healthy right now, but that has to potential to change any day. Anyone can be struck down by a long-term illness or condition. Sometimes, they are difficult to predict. You need to make sure your family is well-prepared in case you or your partner are diagnosed with an illness. You should start saving for an emergency fund to do this. This will come in handy in case you or your partner needs to quit your job. It is also a good idea to take out a life insurance policy. There are now ones that are aimed specifically at mothers, such as this one claybrooke.org.uk/parents-and-life-insurance/mums-and-mothers.
Life is full of ups and downs. Unfortunately, we can’t always prevent the downs, but we can do our best to plan for them so that we can cope better with them. One of the best ways to protect our family is by ensuring you plan your finances. It needs to take any possible unexpected situations into account. This way, your money won’t be hit too hard by anything that comes your way. Here are some of the most common unexpected situations to plan for.

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Accidents

Just like illnesses, we can never predict when we might be involved in an accident. This can be anything as serious as a road traffic accident or as small as tripping up. But no matter how small the accident is, you could still end up with bad injuries. This might result in you having to take some significant time off work. Even though sick pay should cover some of this time off, you might end up needing to take unpaid leave. You can find out more about taking unpaid sick leave here: nidirect.gov.uk/articles/sick-pay-rights.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/sick-pay-rights. So make sure you have enough money saved up to get you through your recovery period. You could even use it to fund any operations or treatments.

Home Damage

Home damage is just like accidents. You can’t plan for them. Your home may be damaged as a result of a storm or other natural disaster, such as a flood. This could be extremely expensive to repair. The best way to protect your finances from this kind of situation is to take out a home insurance policy. Double check all the small print so you know exactly what it will cover. Not all policies will cover all types of damage.

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Tuition Fees

Not all unexpected situations are bad! There are some happy ones, such as your kids deciding to head off to university! There is one downside to university, though. And that’s the cost! To help your kids with the financial burden of going to university, you should consider opening a bank account for them while they are still young. Pay in a small amount each week. This will build up over the years, and should be big enough to make a big enough dent in their tuition fees. They might still need to take out a loan, but at least it won’t be so big!

Thanks for reading X

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A walk in the woodlands

Hey readers,

One thing I love about Spring is the onset of bluebells and walking through the woods. As it was the bank holiday last week I decided to go for a walk in a new woodlands that we haven’t been to before.
I love woods as I am a self confessed treeaholic. I love to be in the open and feel a sense of being exposed to such natural beauty.Along with waking through the woodlands and the mass amont of bluebells. My son made me laugh when he commented, “why don’t bluebells make a ringing noise and not blue either!”
We enjoyed participating in pooh sticks which is the bestest activity to do with the kids.
We enjoyed walking along the wetland and seeing all the different wildlife. We even got to see baby ducklings. My boys loving the geese as they were so desperate for food they followed us along the path.
The boys favourite part was to be free from holding adults hands. Running and chasing each other through the woods with no limitations. Full of laughter and fun between the two brothers. It is so beautiful see there obond grow and that they are independent from us. Some people may get sad about this but for me this makes me feel proud. They are comfortable to be there own and not feel the need to always rely on an adult. They feel safe knowing we are ther but being independent to make there own choices. Being a little human being it is lovely to see there own personality thriving and just being in the moment.

Cheers for reading X

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This time of year

Hey readers,

Why do I feel guilty if I wrote anything that is not happy or jolly and meeting perfection. Life is not like and defiantly not in my autistic world. But I am going write it down for you to read and understand an adult autistic person.

Argh, this week gearing up to Christmas is so dame hard with the changes and chaos making me feel disorientated. I forget how mentally exhausting it is and all I want to so is slip in  my bed and hide away. All I can hear is noise and light, I love light but soft lighting not the blurring  ones. Everywhere I go makes makes my head spin so much I think I am falling everywhere. The meltdowns are increasing and it is getting me right down. I have to put a smile on my face and focus on my children but so hard with all these social rules and fakery. 

My husband is the type to follow the social rule to the T and worries a lot about what people think and how we should behave. It is so frustrating trying to live in a Nt world and feel so confused.
 This time of year is the hardest, I know very cliché but it is true. We still have only nine days but I will be glad when I can cloe the door from the world and just have to worry about what crap is on TV. 
I just wish things could slow down a bit and not be so bright and touchy touchy. I wish people weren’t rushing around and times changing and my routine out of sync.

Cheers for reading X

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Sons, Sand & Sauvignon

Stratford upon Avon

Hey readers,
At the weekend we went out for a family day out to Stratford upon Avon. We chose there specifically as they had a attraction called Jungle Town located inside a garden centre. Here at Jungle Town they had a play area in one big room split up into several themed rooms. For example there was a room designed as a shop with  tills, shopping trolleys and food. Whereas another room was a construction room with a toy cement mixer, super large foam bricks and a builders work table. Alternatively, there was the home section with a dolls house, all the necessary cleaning tools and  the babies sleeping on their toy cot.
My boys loved playing here and it was great that the kids were allowed to get in and be free to do what they wanted to do. It was fantastic at stimulating little ones imaginations whilst playing along with others.
Surprisingly the children got on really well playing together and hardly any arguments were witnessed. It is amazing when you put little ones in a group together they just get along most of the time playing happily.
There were benches for adults as well which was great for a break as the play area was secure with a locked door. This gave parents peace of mind  knowong that the place was safe. This allowed time if you wanted for your children to think independently and have the freedom to explore what they wanted if they wished without  the adults being permently at their side.

We stayed for an hour and half and that was more then enough time for my sons to check each area out and not get too tired.
As we left the place we were hitting mid-day so therefore we hunted down an eatery. We went to a lovely cafe that served beautiful fish and chips. I definitely recommend visiting the Riverside Café if you are in the area. The fish, I had was haddock which was so light and fresh  with the chips bring crispy but soft on the inside. For my taste and the boys that was perfect.
 
My husband is quite a slow eater and I am quite a fast eater. But my eldest he is grazer. Therefore didn’t take too long to finish his dinner so thought it was best to take him out for a walk before before any. mayhem  was caused.
I decided to go for a walk with my eldest boy. The café is just on the river front of the river Avon so had lovely scenery to go for a walk along there. We even went on an old wind up boats which my son loved as it was something different to experience.

That helped burn some of my sons energy so we headed home as it was quite damp and it already had been a long day. Is amazing how much energy you use up as parents going out with toddlers, haha!
Cheers for reading X

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