Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough parent simply because I am an introvert. I accept I am an introvert and there are some really good qualities that come with that type of personality.
When I look back as a child I saw people judge me because I didn’t always have a voice or couldn’t find the words to say what I needed to say. I believe that this was a mix of my personality and having autism. Communication is not my strongest point. However, I remember feeling bad because it kept getting mentioned. You see some points in my childhood I lived in the care system and there really was a lot of loud children that wanted to be heard. I was judged because I was not the status quo and then it made me question am I good enough?! I used to think that because I was quite, I was kinda of philosophical in the sense I liked to reflect and ponder over things. People notice loud people, that is fine it takes all sorts to make the world go round. The problem is at such a young age I interpreted the messages I was getting as I was not good enough. Bing quiet wasn’t good, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life because I couldn’t form friendships. To me communication meant opportunity. I still believe that to some extent. Nonetheless, I have come to accept who I am and that world needs both quiet and loud as they both in their own right carry brilliant attributes.
Sadly, there is also a downside, like everything I guess. Sadly, you can’t change who you are, I love quiet time and crave time alone where I can just be left alone to think. When I have time alone it gives me the opportunity to not have to think about the socialising which coincidently my husband thrives off it.
I am lucky in the sense I have a supportive husband that understands my needs and that yes it is selfish but selfish can be good, especially when it keeps the family home life calm.
I find social interaction exhausting with my children at times. I am not saying I hate my children most of the time I enjoy it and find it really fun and amusing. However, it can be really mentally draining for me. I suppose it doesn’t help that I am autistic as well so uses up a lot more energy trying to read the social situation. and trying to work out how to respond correctly. Not to mention my eldest is also autistic and has his own needs on top of everything else.
I think it takes a lot more energy for introverted parents like myself as I spend more time processing emotional stuff and probably over thinking. This can be good but also can be exhausted as it takes it out of you, let’s face it generally parenting is hard work so there is not much energy left for much more.
One good aspect of being an introverted parent is the fact that it can be a positive role model in the sense that shows that it is ok to have quiet time and do your own thing. It can also teach children that not every moment someone wants noise and that sometimes people need space.
Cheers for reading X