The struggle is within

Hey readers,

I don’t often discuss my parenting issues in relation to my autism, mainly because I am embarrassed and quite frankly ashamed.

I am going to be straight up and honest and say that I struggle with this parenting thing. Let’s be more specific as I am aware that actually, I am good at some bits. Depression would argue but that it is the truth. However, the one area I do struggle with is mainly with my 4 years old and trying to entertain him for long periods. I feel guilty if I can’t entertain him but stuck in a dilemma where I can’t concentrate on people for long periods of time, it totally exhausted me. I am also an introvert so therefore need time alone to energise me, I find interacting exhausting as a lot of the time I am thinking beforehand about how to communicate. The times when I am not thinking are when I am being impulsive due to anxiety therefore not censoring and not always saying the right. Not really rude, just random and repetitive. Kinda overlaps with ADHD/OCD traits I have learnt. I don’t have ADHD but with Aspergers there many overlapping traits from other conditions that are apparent. I digress (a major trait of mine right there).

I find it hard to entertain as there are many thought processes that occur and that is tiring. 9 times out of 10 after ten minutes of play I am exhausted mentally. I need to do nothing and shut down as I have used all my energy up focusing on that one action that takes many different social rules.

Little Girl, Child, Girl Child, Person

I think one area that is really tough for like me as an autistic living in a technological world (though most of the time it is the dream) I do get sucked into the whole idea of perfect parenting with this idea that you have to entertain your children all the time.

I am one of the few or many not many other autistic people have spoken out in actually I do care what people think and I am very aware of me. I am not dissing autistic people that don’t give a dame, in actual fact, I admire you and wish I was bloody like that, hell it would so liberating. But I have not reached that acceptance of me.

I wish I could just be laid back, but it seems I am a worrier and feel that because I am an autistic parent I need to make up for my inadequacies.

Cheers for reading X

 

8 thoughts on “The struggle is within

  1. Oh hun I feel for you. I like to have time to myself to recharge too. I’d suggest getting an activity book or sticker book or something that your 4 year old could almost entertain himself for a while. My youngest (now 9) was a real pain to keep occupied and giving him things like sticker books was a really great way to entertain him.
    Hope this helps. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks so much for writing this post. Every day I feel so bad that I don’t do more to entertain my children even though two are teens and one a tween on the cusp of being a teenager. I feel I have not given them the super magical childhood that I would have wanted for them if they had a more equipped mother. But your post made me realise that I am me doing the best I can and also that I am not the only one who struggles. #AnythingGoes

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have struggled with that too and sometimes I do still feel guilty about not spending enough time with them but I did spend a lot of time with my kids when they were younger and even though I often found myself questioning if it was enough, I have come to accept that it was. My boys are 16 and 11 now and completely capable of entertaining themselves. Too many people think they need to entertain their kids all the time but that leaves very little in the way of using their own imagination and learning to spend time along is a life skill. You’re doing a great job as a parent. A little something I used to say to myself when my kids were small and I was feeling guilty is this: “My kids are happy and healthy. They are loved beyond measure. I’m a good mom.” We often talk negatively to ourselves but we all need to work on talking more positive to ourselves, especially when it comes to parenting. I hope this helps you:) #MMBC

    Liked by 1 person

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