Maybe

Hey readers,

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, a mild form of autism (though to me it is not mild and it is present every day in my life).

Though there are so many areas to discuss autism today I am going focus on one thing that affects me and causes great distress at the moment. That is the word ‘maybe’, which by the way I hate it and I hate it in relation to a response to a question. It is covered in grey and makes me stressed, especially when it is a response to a question which I want a definite answer (which 90% of the time).

Birds II

You see as an autistic person I like control, I like to know what is happening. I love routine it comforts me. Sometimes I admit I get too rigid that I get struck and obsessive making my health deteriorate. One of the reasons is because I like black and white, I don’t like the murky waters of the unknown. I never have, I feel it is innate and my body responds instantly. I can remember as a young child-hating change and uncertainty. I had carers who seemed unpredictable which is not great if you have an autistic mind like myself you get very confused as to what is happening.  I was on edge not knowing how someone would respond. I had night terrors because of the fear. That is just one example.

chicago night traffic

Maybe I will, maybe I won’t? but why can’t I have a yes or a no? Often, I didn’t care either way, I was more focused on the answer to be certain. I don’t like guessing games, I like certainty.

The blue window 02

I don’t know really what is the point to the point of this post, I just wanted to get it off my chest because right now I am dealing with maybe which quite frankly is most infuriating.

cheers for reading X

17 thoughts on “Maybe

  1. I find these types of posts really helpful. I know that everyone living as an autistic person is of course different, but I have very little direct experience of those on the spectrum. My godson has recently been confirmed as being an autistic person and so any post like this helps me to understand what he may experience. I know change and routine are very important to him. #readysetlink

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love your blogging and your honesty and how you explore too. I wrote about autism yesterday in relation to my daughter but I sense it probably applies to me too. My late Mum used to get frustrated with how I looked at things in black and white always trying to sell areas of grey to me. So I empathise and sometimes these posts where we don’t know why we are writing them are the most powerful of all #PoLoCo

    Liked by 1 person

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