Today

Hey Readers,

Today has been hard. Well not the whole day but in the morning where for the first time I took my eldest swimming. My husband and youngest were also there. I struggle with social anxiety, autism and a fear of drains.

The first half was ok as it was just me and my eldest. The swimming pool swimming features weren’t switched on so, therefore, a lot, lot quieter, phew! My hubby was with my youngest in a different area as my youngest was having a swimming lesson.

Close-up Photo of a Flowerr

However, the moment when the features got turned on and the crowds appear I am shaking. Then the youngest and husband come into the pool. If that isn’t hard enough my eldest has a friend who I didn’t expect to be there so that is another stress.

Before too long I was struggling, had a panic and all I wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole.

I didn’t manage the whole time arranged as I just couldn’t cope. The husband recognised that it was too much so suggested leaving early. Now I have the rotten mother guilt to boot.

Photography of Trees Covered With Snow

I feel rubbish, and I am literally shattered. It does not help that I spend most of yesterday feeling really anxious. All adds up – my mind and body are aching. Luckily hubby looks after the children when I sleep for a couple of hours. When lying down and sleep I just felt all the physical pain.

I hate anxiety!

Cheers for reading X

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12 thoughts on “Today

  1. Oh definitely, I am craving a routine now as everything has been so out of control lately. I have already decided that as soon as this week is over (routine upset by hospital visits) then I am going to set a strict routine, there is far too much not being done!
    #MMBC

    Liked by 1 person

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