Today I wondered into town on a hot Saturday. The atmosphere was busy, people everywhere. Both things I am not very good at.
I appreciate that this is standard, I aimed to go to the supermarket to do shopping. I got half way there and had a funny turn. Don’t worry it is my anxiety based symptom. I have social anxiety and today it reminded me that it was there. I am not invisible, maybe a naive thinking I am better then I actually am when in reality some days are tough.
I think sometimes I forget that being in recovery from mental health problems is a rocky road and it is not simply just black and white. It takes as long as it takes, some days are better then others. It may take years to recovery or it might be something I have to live with and manage. I think as a person dealing with social anxiety it is really quite hard to remember that life isn’t linear and it is quite messy.
It is so easy for me to put pressure on to get get to the end but sometimes you have to just accept the fact that you are not ok and you know what that is ok. I also feel when you discuss mental health with others who may not have experienced it or have a different experience to yourself their ‘helpful’ advice is really not that. They put their frustrations on you and there is so much pressure to ‘pull yourself together’.
These expectations that you should instantly find a magic cure especially when you have a label as such you sense that patience runs so thin. People don’t see mental health like physical, ok mental health awareness has improved but not the acceptance. People thing by changing your attitude it will instantly get rid it doesn’t work like that. It is something that you have to constantly work at it and you can be so hard on yourself. You forget that it is your journey and some days are just rough. It is ok to say you know what today is a shit day, sometime we have them. I am going to say quite controversially that sometimes it can be good to have a bad day because it gives you change to reflect and appreciate the good stuff.
Cheers for reading X