Depression and parenting

 

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed, because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in-turn makes me feel weak. But deep down I know that my depression is genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

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Truth be told as a parent with depression there days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the the bear minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build up sadness and  frustration from the day.

Some days are better then others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated  and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. I am autistic on top of all this and usually I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents. It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

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Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating in that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the changes of irritability between me and my husband. I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but in that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it I kind of feel better getting it out of my system. It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

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Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state. I have learnt when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my ‘meltdowns’. I feel now that I have learnt how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X

3 Little Buttons

Mummascribbles

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22 thoughts on “Depression and parenting

  1. Well done on a super brave post. Society can make you feel ashamed of mental health, I have experienced the same in the past. I am fortunate that I have mild/ moderate depression and thanks to medication and CBT I am able to manage it very well and so have very few dips nowadays. I think my biggest boost, was embracing it and accepting it’s part of me and who I am and refusing to made to feel bad about it. I really do love your post and your honesty, well done #MMBC xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the commenting and good to hear to your getting the right help, makes a huge difference. Totally agree with the whole acceptance, it is the hardest bit, especially when you pu high expectations on yourself X

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  2. What a brave post, you should never be ashamed of your mental health. In reality it’s not different to being physically ill. You should not feel like a rubbish parent either, you are not, you are doing the best you can. By admitting that you have problems and addressing them makes you a good mum and a good person. Sending you a big hug x
    #MMBC

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad you have found the best ways for you to deal with your moments of depression and situations that make you tense. I am very shy and avoid people most of the time but am trying to be better to set a good example to my children but is is soooooo hard sometimes #mmbc

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    1. I totally identify, the struggle is real. But I do tell my children in simple terms what mummy is going through. Not my choice, but husband’s, sadly still too ashamed to admit it to people face to face X

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  4. This is such a brave and important post. It’s hard to be so honest, and I applaud you for that. I think it’s important that you allow yourself the freedom and time to embrace and deal with how you’re feeling, and I truly think that’s a positive way to handle it. It sounds like your husband is there for you when you need him, and although it must be hard for you both, it’s great that you have each other. Well done on such an important post. #DreamTeam

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  5. After I found out that my shuband has been lying to me. I just succumbed into depression. For the longest time too I can only do so much and those moments mostly involve my son. Its so hard to be a parent and so hard to explain to my son that I am suffering from something. Before I also dont want to share problems about me and my life because I dont want to push readers away. Then I realized that the blog is mine and it helps clear out my head when I write. So I dont hold back. You are always so honest with how you feel here and at your instagram. I appreciate the honesty because its nice to know that I am not the only one who is struggling. #mmbc

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely, you write for you and maybe a reader may find it helpful. You definitely not alone and understandably the ordeal you have been through, you are very strong and your boy is a real asset to you X

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  6. This is such a brave post to write and it must be very good for your mind to get such thoughts our of your head and written down. It’s so important for people to be aware of this and you’ve done a great thing by talking so honestly about it. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

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  7. It was very brave of you to share what you go through in a post and you shouldn’t be ashamed. We all have different ways of coping with our issues and you have found yours. Slowly, slowly things are changing in regards to mental health and so it should.

    Have a nice weekend and thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    xx

    Liked by 1 person

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