Parenting is hard at times

Hey readers,

Today I just want to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world. I have had a really difficult day looking after a really energetic child. It didn’t help that when walking into town my son decided all he wanted to do was just scream most of the way and chanting that he wants daddy. It is unbelievably exhausting especially as I am so sensitive to hearing because of my autism.

Then in the afternoon I just constantly had to deal with this mental  battle in my head that if I am not entertaining my child 24/7 then somehow I am a rubbish parent. It is a constant battle that occurs in my own head and the sad thing is, is that it is all made by me. No one has told me that I am rubbish, it is just me putting so much pressure on myself, probably some guilt around being autistic and having shortfalls that other parents don’t have to deal with. However, today my anxiety is so high that I am left with a killer headache because I am so tense from my self-inflicted anxiety. I have already had a panic attack and sometimes when so bad I am fearful social services will come and take my child of me simply because I had the TV on to much or I am a bit rubbish at communicating.  It sounds silly writing this down but at the time them fears are real and frightening.

Why is it so hard to find a middle ground, I suppose this is always my problem never really reaching that right balance of moderation. I have always been extreme because that is just simply the way my brain is wired. I am all or nothing, so naturally it would seem down into my parenting. I think because a lot of things is down to not communicating and no ‘rules’ as such I find it difficulty to manage. All the things that I am good at are structure based and have a step-to-step system, it is what I excel at. I am not good at ambiguous. I never have and I don’t think I will ever have the skills no matter how many times I try. SO, basically I need to accept me for who  I am and instead of putting me down, embrace them skills and use them to my advantage,. I think this is one of the biggest learning curves for me as an autistic parent to master.

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But I will say truefully with having such energetic child who will not sit still or does not want to engage in anything longer then five minutes is tough. Especially, when at times where I am by myself and feel like constantly breaking down with fear of how am I going to get past the next three hours?
I hope this stage gets easier and that I can relax and enjoy parenting a bit more and less of a pain in the arse chore that I have to get through.

I feel awful for writing this but this is the truth, this is how I feel at times. Don’t get me wrong other times parenting feels like a breeze especially when there is another parent to help out. But currently with my 3 years old child you it is solid work and really has an ability to have a knack at pushing my buttons.

Cheers for reading X

February faviourite things 

Hey Readers,

 

I am going share the goodies I have been loving this month. Check it out below 🙂

  1. I have really sensitive eyes and have tried a few wet wipes from cheap shops but love these ones from Poundland and great for a quick way to remove your make up costs £1.00.

2) How lovely is this gold spotty box to brighten up a room. From the brilliant Home bargains for £2.49 and as you can see I have already used the space up to store my nailpolishes.

3) How lovely is this fox cushion. I just love the quirky design with the geometric pattern. I got it off AliExpress online for £3.89.

 

5) Finally, I am in love with Khoal eyeliner from Primark. I have tried a few but this is a firm favourite and to top it all costs a grand total of a pound.

Cheers for reading X

Energy Within

Sometimes I don’t have the energy,

to embrace the day,

to fight this thing called life.

It is more appealing to hide,

In my little bubble,

with no interference,

form the so-called people,

that wide me up terrible.

My head goes into spin,

so I lose my direction,

with no idea,

how to get back in the arena.

All I can do is rest,

Waiting for the moment,

For me to perform.

The front that saves me,

So much heartache and woe,

When my strength appears,

I can get back to fighting levels,

With the  armor of safety,

To complete in this difficulty,

Of life and all it’s mystery.

 

 

My top seven frugal tips 

Hey readers,

I love a good bargain and trying to save money when I can. So, I thought I would share some of the things that really help reduce the cost of my spending.

1.Plan, set a Budget for a X amount and stick to it.

2. Go to the supermarket near closing time to get reduced items.

3.You can put your recipts to a good use by download Shopprize from an app store and scan your recipts. You then can over time exchange the coins into amazon vouchers. It doesn’t take that long either. Sadly the app only works on Android at the moment.

4.Wait until after an occasion to get knocked down prices, I.e. Halloween/Christmas etc.

5.Use mysupermarket.com as it is brilliant for comparing products and finding the cheapest place to go.

6.Take advantage of the advantage card. Tesco and Boots are my favourite and they are nice little earners.


7. Save 10p every say in a jar, it soon adds up after awhile.

Thanks for reading X

How to tell if you are a hipster

Hey readers,

Today I saw a colouring in book in Poundland and it all based on this term Hipster. I have heard this termnology quite a few times over the past couple of years, so I thought I would come up with some key chartersitics in what makes a hipster. 

I just thought I would start of with the definition of what a Hipster is: It is someone who follows the trends/fashion that is outside the cultural mainstream.

Please note it is just a bit fun, nothing serious.

1) Firstly, I think one of the main identify features is the beard, not the dirty biker type but you know the clean and grommed variety. It is looks pristine and full of beard oil.

2) They hate anything associated with mainstream, for instance they love films that are underground and unheard of.

mainstreanm

3) To be a true hipster they don’t like any well named bands such as Beyonce but go for the more unusal tastes. They love bands such as Death Cab for Cutie or Radiohead or Archaide of Fire.

4) They hang out in artys fartsy coffee shops and post their arty coffee on Instagram. Or unusal places that no other person has heard avout.

hipster-cafe
A lovely little cereal cafe for hipsters

5) They are likely to be riding a bicycle as a mode of transport and look down on people who drive a car.

6) Old technology is popular for the hipster and when they are walking about outside they flash the old walkman.

hip-3

6) Massive fan of ‘vintage’ and get all there clobber from flea markets or raided from there parents and grandparents wardrope.

7) They wear spectcles not because of poor vision but for a fashion statement.

hip-2

8) Tend to be a vegan and more then likely have a speicfic instagrem account for all their foodie pictures which happen to be taken from there old style camera such as a Fuji X.

9) A hipster is found to have on their YouTube channel videos full of live music.

10) They wear lumbar jackets, skinny jeans and converse…you know what am talking about, this is a common uniform for a hipster.

hip-4

Cheers for reading X

Olive Oil and Garlic Roasted Chickpeas

Hey readers,

For a quick and tasty snack check out this: Roasted garlic and olive oil chickpeas.

The ingredients you will need:

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  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • Pinch of salt
  • 400g can of chickpeas
  • Couple of cloves of garlic

Method

1) preheat the oven to 200C/400f.

2) Drain the chickpeas, place them on some kitchen roll and dap them dry.

3) chop the garlic up finely.

4) In a bowl drizzle olive oil over the chickpeas, add a pinch of salt and mix the garlic altogether.

5) place on to a tray and cook in the oven for 35 minutues.

6) Take theout the oven to cool down for five minutes and voil you have a yummy and crunchy snack.

Cheers for reading X

Today is the day

Hey readers,

I know I am like a recorder player keep coming back and discussing the same old topic. So I am really sorry if it is repetitive and boring. But I need to do something and I need to lose weight. TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!

I don’t know why i get into these viscous cycles of binges. I need to focus, so where better then my blog to help keep a record of my ‘weightless journey’.

Argh…. so today I have eaten a cream egg (not so bad until the rest), 5 kit kat things and 500g Galaxy caramel washed down with full fat coke cola (330ml). I feel sick, hideous and ashamed. I did this when the husband was out and feel like  a sneaky snake. Because let’s face binge eating is sneaky and private.

Why do I do it? well from as young as 7 I turned to food for comfort, whether good or bad, I was there shuffling it in. Sadly, I now have piled on the pounds and I now the heaviest I have ever been.

I have lost weight so I know can do it, it is the change of behaviour and quitting the sugar.

To me sugar is like a drug and so very addictive. Once you start getting sugar, you just want more and more of the fucker. I want to quit it because I don’t enjoy it and it is merely but an enemy now, who I hate!

I struggle with willpower but hoping to use a goal such as lose x amount and I can buy something that i desperately want. If I don;t reach that goal I have to weight. What I am going to do is every pound I lose i put aside £1. When I have got the money for the desired object i can pay for it. My first thing that I want is some more emoji cards for my light box.

 

Wish me luck.

Today is the start:

Start weight – 14.11.5

goal weight 13.11.5

Here is a full shot of me and like most over weight people hate it!

cheers for reading X