I be honest I am quite an anxious person most of the time so doesn’t take me much to get fearful so here are three my top fears.
Death – the pain, the feeling of not ever coming back and generally worrying if I did my best. It is so hard when you are getting messages from left, right and centre telling you to enjoy every minute of the day, but that can’t be right surely. Sometimes life is crap or other times I need to sulk and be miserable but the guilt eats away at me. I am one of them people that stew on things and can’t let it go. I find it hard to switch off and generally wonder why some people are so dame laid back. I don’t want to end up on my death bed with what if’s but also I want to be realistic as life is not glossy all the time. There is no cleat instructions on anything emotive right, you just got to go with it and if I didn’t then I can always say I did my best and I didn’t kill anyone.
One of my biggest fears that gets to me regularly is the fear of being embarrassed in front of people. I hate it when I say something to someone and they don’t respond, making me feel like a complete dick. Then fear of doing something in public that will cause me to be centre of attention. I think this is linked to my autism as I detest attention on me. It goes as far back as a child with hating open presents on Christmas. I still struggle till this day, I just get really anxious as I am unsure as how to respond and I am rubbish at thinking on my feet. Then if that is not enough shit to do with, I torture myself further by analysing it for hours on end. I really need to learn the art form of letting shit go!
My final fear is if ever needed an operation (which I have had in the past) is medication not working and being wide away through the whole operation. The thought of the surgeon cutting my body out and moving my organs around, vom!
Cheers for reading X