3 fears that I have

Hey readers,

I be honest I am quite an anxious person most of the time so doesn’t take me much to get fearful so here are three my top fears.

Death – the pain, the feeling of not ever coming back and generally worrying if I did my best. It is so hard when you are getting messages from left, right and centre telling you to enjoy every minute of the day, but that can’t be right surely. Sometimes life is crap or other times I need to sulk  and be miserable but the guilt eats away at me. I am one of them people that stew on things and can’t let it go. I find it hard to switch off and generally wonder why some people are so dame laid back.  I don’t want to end up on my death bed with what if’s but also I want to be realistic as life is not glossy all the time. There is no cleat instructions on anything emotive right, you just got to go with it and if I didn’t then I can always say I did my best and I didn’t kill anyone.

One of my biggest fears that gets to me regularly is the fear of being embarrassed in front of people. I hate it when I say something to someone and they don’t respond, making me feel like a complete dick. Then fear of doing something in public that will cause me to be centre of attention. I think this is linked to my autism as I detest attention on me. It goes as far back as a child with hating open presents on Christmas. I still struggle till this day, I just get really anxious as I am unsure as how to respond and I am rubbish at thinking on my feet. Then if that is not enough shit to do with, I torture myself further by analysing it for hours on end. I really need to learn the art form of letting shit go!

My final fear is if ever needed an operation (which I have had in the past) is medication not working and being wide away through the whole operation. The thought of the surgeon cutting my body out and moving my organs around, vom!

Cheers for reading X

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs

12 thoughts on “3 fears that I have

  1. I have no fear of dying, I do worry about leaving my family behind so I hope my children are all grown up before I go, but actually dying holds no fear for me. Also, I’ve actually had an operation while being wide awake! I had a spinal block while they delivered my youngest by caesarian section, it was most surreal, but although I was scared before I wouldn’t be scared again. Then there is embarrassment, but I think everyone fear that, so we are all in the same boat so there is no need to be afraid, if you know what I mean? Plus I think it seems to matter less the older you get.
    I’m not even scared of spiders anymore, lol!
    I think my biggest fear is something happening to my children, something nasty like an accident or being attacked or abused. It’s happened before and I it’s such a hard thing to deal with, I fear if it ever happens again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Eek! I worry about these things too….
    Hospitals scare the life out of me now….When I had my youngest by c-section I wasn’t numbed properly and could feel everything. It has given me such a fear of anything medical related now. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think every one of your fears is natural and I can totally relate to the second one. I rarely react to people in a ‘normal’ way, I just can’t help myself, luckily people just think I’m quirky. But like you I will over analyse, wondering how other people manage.

    I have never had an operation, and know that my run of luck has to run out one day. And as for dying, isn’t it natural to wonder and hope? Having lost people way before their time it got me thinking to how on earth they coped with the knowledge they were dying and of how scared they must have been. Passing away in my sleep at a ripe old age would be perfect, unfortunately, life isn’t quite like that.

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.



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