Autistic Blogger!

Hey readers,

I hear this term branded around a lot through the bloggershere called ‘tribe’, to me it feels like we are back in the playground. Maybe because I don’t really connect to people the same way others do because of my autism. It makes me feel maybe a bit isolated or that I am missing out on a better support network.
The big question is, do you need a tribe of people to connect with to empower and motivate you? does it make you more successful? these are the kind of questions I think about. I suppose it depends on what you really want and need from people, I guess. For me the whole tribe business makes me feel like a failure yet again at life, it is another point score if you are in with the right crowd and for me being autistic that will never be. Yes OK if your autistic should you be worried about having such feelings of loss and for me yes it does get to me at times. It would be nice to bounce ideas off with others but the fear of rejection is much stronger. I don’t really have an answer. I think it is really down to my state of mind having an influence when I am engaging in the social media platforms.

Sometimes you get a feeling to be a successful blogger you have to be in some kind of tribe with others. It is a real shame I feel as you not always getting merit for your work but in who you know instead. Fairplay to people that do, because it takes a lot of additional work other then just writing content to making a blog successful. A major factor is engaging in social media as a form of communicating with the audience or attending events that help achieve recognition and achievement statues. Sadly, I don’t feel I will ever truly get to grips connecting on such a level, but that is ok because I do have a disability that limits me. Whether I like it or not, somethings I can improve, somethings I can’t but having the knowledge to accept that is a milestone for me personally.

Sometimes, you get what you put in and for me I can only do so much before I have pushed past my threshold and want to collapse with mental exhaustion.

Until you start a blog and work on social media, you really don’t realise what hard work it is with keep plugging away and reaching out. As they say nothing comes for free.

One major attribute that influences my performance or connecting to people is communication. It is like the backbone of autism. It plays such a huge role on and off line. My brain is overloaded as it is with all the rules I need to remember. I stick to the rules that I can follow and it is not the ‘norm’, it’s controlled and I don’t feel I am being rude but maybe I am being very rigid and not flexible with my thinking but then again that is an effect of my autism interfering it’s ugly head.

It would be wonderful to have someone to connect with but I don’t feel it is important right now but maybe next week I may different about the whole thing. But sadly autism is selfish and it hinders you. It never leaves you or lets you forget that there is a big influence there right in your brain controlling your interpretations on everything that you are exposed to. It really sucks at times but other times it is the fuel that keeps my fire burning inside of me.

OK, I have bitched and have been a moany cow so I am going to focus on a positive here. People aren’t aware of how much I have come along in my improvements in myself. Blogging has given me a voice to express whatever I feel I want to share. When I am having a meltdown it has been a tool to distract me from all the things going one and stops me getting overloaded when I can simply focus on just writing. It has calmed me when I have been so angry I have wanted to explode. It has helped me to understand myself who I am and try to take on board other people’s perspective (which is a real struggle at the best of times). It has taught me on a basic level how to have simple conversations and it further help me develop as a person with autism.
So, what is the point of this ramble, well I am just trying to find away to accept me with my disability. I want others to understand particularly what it is like for female adults with autism.
Who knew blogging would be such a learning journey to think about yourself and where you are in the pecking order even though I don’t really know what I want. I think if I look internally I want to feel accepted from others, though I don’t know whether that will ever happen. Maybe I just feel really lonely and a bit sad today when I see others in the world can just make friends and excel verbally. I seem to fall over at the first hurdle. It is hard as blogging is so social and if you want to grow networking is crucial I feel.

For me personally most of the time I go about my days winging it and trying to keep my head above water whilst others speed pass by me.
That my readers is what my personal take is of an autistic blogger in a social climate in the blog world.

Cheers for reading X

Spectrum Sunday
Run Jump Scrap!
Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Autistic Blogger!

  1. This is a very interesting post. My son and daughter have autism and I have found my daughter expresses herself better when writing than speaking. I suppose it is called ‘social media’ which puts pressure in itself. #SpectrumSunday

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s hard when you see bloggers forming tribes and feeling on the outside of that – especially when you find communication difficult. I have to admit that whilst I am nominally part of a “tribe”, I mostly feel very much on the edge of groups – part of them but not really part of them. I also find it difficult to make the effort required to truly be part of a group – it takes a lot of work and there are only so many hours in a day. It’s interesting though to get an insight into how your autism affects you and how blogging has helped with that – by giving you a voice, by allowing you to express thoughts that you might have otherwise struggled to express. For me that is one of the most beautiful things about blogging.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so true and I took can be a moany cow. Blogging is hard work and I have quite an overactive brain and have to be organised so end up stressing myself about blogging but then guilt over taking too long and losing quality time at home!! #bestandworst

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I tend to have social anxiety so I do feel where you are coming from. I like to conect with people but it isn’t always easy for me, especially in large groups. A long time ago someone gave me a piece of advice and it has stuck with me for my whole life. I was told to be a duck. When you see a duck bobbing on water, it looks so calm and relaxed, but if you were to look under the surface, the feet are in frantic motion trying to keep the body steady. Whenever I feel overwhelmed in social situations I remind myself that nobody can see beneath the surface. I can’t control how I feel but I can control the surface that people see. It doesn’t always work and I still make a fool of myself often enough, but many times the thought of a duck bobbing along calms me. Maybe it’s just because ducks are so adorable. #bestandworst

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My son loves writing in his journal daily – it’s a way for him to process his thoughts and come to terms with the events of his day. As long as you are getting what you need from blogging (a way to process your thoughts and feelings, a way to calm down, a way to safely connect, etc.) then that’s all that matters. I have a blogging friend who has Aspergers and she feels similarly to yourself. She sometimes feels “outside” the tribes but she continues to write for herself and as a way to express herself in a safe way. You can find her blog at http://www.nessville.me if you are interested in connecting with another blogger on the spectrum x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A “tribe” doesn’t define YOU as a writer & a blogger. I think you express yourself in such a lovely way. I’m a new fan over here!! Always keep your head held high and don’t let anything get in the way of being who you are! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s