Ftmob – October 

Hey readers,

Hubby shared a chat he had with my eldest early, “I wish mummy didn’t have autism. Can’t Dr’s give her medication to make it go away”. How to feel shit in fice seconds. It breaks my heart that I am now getting noticed by my son with being different, I suppose this is the start of things to come.

My eldest asking,” why do so many people get cremated it’s silly!”. 

My DS1 saying, “I wish we could live in Wales forever and never come back”. Yep me too son I wish I could totally run away from it all at times :|.

I attempted to make a joke to my DS1 saying I would leave him in the car all by himself. His response was that it is ilegal to leave children alone in the car and the police will put you in jail mummy.

As we were driving past the graveyard the other day way DS2 comments, “boo”. this is becuase he thinks the tear ghosts there, 😂 
Cheers for reading X

Little Hearts, Big Love

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Autistic Blogger!

Hey readers,

I hear this term branded around a lot through the bloggershere called ‘tribe’, to me it feels like we are back in the playground. Maybe because I don’t really connect to people the same way others do because of my autism. It makes me feel maybe a bit isolated or that I am missing out on a better support network.
The big question is, do you need a tribe of people to connect with to empower and motivate you? does it make you more successful? these are the kind of questions I think about. I suppose it depends on what you really want and need from people, I guess. For me the whole tribe business makes me feel like a failure yet again at life, it is another point score if you are in with the right crowd and for me being autistic that will never be. Yes OK if your autistic should you be worried about having such feelings of loss and for me yes it does get to me at times. It would be nice to bounce ideas off with others but the fear of rejection is much stronger. I don’t really have an answer. I think it is really down to my state of mind having an influence when I am engaging in the social media platforms.

Sometimes you get a feeling to be a successful blogger you have to be in some kind of tribe with others. It is a real shame I feel as you not always getting merit for your work but in who you know instead. Fairplay to people that do, because it takes a lot of additional work other then just writing content to making a blog successful. A major factor is engaging in social media as a form of communicating with the audience or attending events that help achieve recognition and achievement statues. Sadly, I don’t feel I will ever truly get to grips connecting on such a level, but that is ok because I do have a disability that limits me. Whether I like it or not, somethings I can improve, somethings I can’t but having the knowledge to accept that is a milestone for me personally.

Sometimes, you get what you put in and for me I can only do so much before I have pushed past my threshold and want to collapse with mental exhaustion.

Until you start a blog and work on social media, you really don’t realise what hard work it is with keep plugging away and reaching out. As they say nothing comes for free.

One major attribute that influences my performance or connecting to people is communication. It is like the backbone of autism. It plays such a huge role on and off line. My brain is overloaded as it is with all the rules I need to remember. I stick to the rules that I can follow and it is not the ‘norm’, it’s controlled and I don’t feel I am being rude but maybe I am being very rigid and not flexible with my thinking but then again that is an effect of my autism interfering it’s ugly head.

It would be wonderful to have someone to connect with but I don’t feel it is important right now but maybe next week I may different about the whole thing. But sadly autism is selfish and it hinders you. It never leaves you or lets you forget that there is a big influence there right in your brain controlling your interpretations on everything that you are exposed to. It really sucks at times but other times it is the fuel that keeps my fire burning inside of me.

OK, I have bitched and have been a moany cow so I am going to focus on a positive here. People aren’t aware of how much I have come along in my improvements in myself. Blogging has given me a voice to express whatever I feel I want to share. When I am having a meltdown it has been a tool to distract me from all the things going one and stops me getting overloaded when I can simply focus on just writing. It has calmed me when I have been so angry I have wanted to explode. It has helped me to understand myself who I am and try to take on board other people’s perspective (which is a real struggle at the best of times). It has taught me on a basic level how to have simple conversations and it further help me develop as a person with autism.
So, what is the point of this ramble, well I am just trying to find away to accept me with my disability. I want others to understand particularly what it is like for female adults with autism.
Who knew blogging would be such a learning journey to think about yourself and where you are in the pecking order even though I don’t really know what I want. I think if I look internally I want to feel accepted from others, though I don’t know whether that will ever happen. Maybe I just feel really lonely and a bit sad today when I see others in the world can just make friends and excel verbally. I seem to fall over at the first hurdle. It is hard as blogging is so social and if you want to grow networking is crucial I feel.

For me personally most of the time I go about my days winging it and trying to keep my head above water whilst others speed pass by me.
That my readers is what my personal take is of an autistic blogger in a social climate in the blog world.

Cheers for reading X

Spectrum Sunday
Run Jump Scrap!

Wales 

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:


Becuase we have had a lovely few days in Wales seeing the inlaws and making memories away with the kiddos!

We went to the beach, walked around woodlands and saw some waterfalls. Not to mention fish and chips and ice-cream becuase otherwise it wouldn’t be a holiday 😂 !
I so needed a break though and it has been so refreshing to get away and step back fron normal life.

Though tomorrow normal service will resume with doing a ton of washing/drying/putting away. standard mum life really but at least I get to catch up on my programmes and chill in my home again.

Cheers for reading X

The Reading Residence