Today has been shit, full of anger and change which makes my autism flare to the limit.
When you have a partner who doesn’t understand how change is such a big deal for you. I get the feeling they want me to snap out of it and be an ‘adult’. But how can I be when they make me feel little little. They are constantly changing things around . They almost forget my autism. When I am this enraged I feel my voice and ability to communicate go. My autism has got it’s way again and now once more I am shattered to pieces. I feel nothing but then I feel too much. I can’t won and I am forever losing this battle.
This NT world is full of controdctnaty but now I am in a relationship it takes away my autism apparently.
I have shutdpwn, wondering around lost and hopeless thinking is there any point?!
All the things that help me stay in control and meaning have been snatched away.
I feel an unconvince for everyone. Though hand on heart know I work more then most to be a good parent to my child. Sadly, it is me who only notices the effort, even when I am struggling I still keep going.
Like this post, I don’t really know the point, I just feel lost and lonely!
Cheers for reading X