Do you ever get days that piss you off. Seriously today is one of them. Whatever I look at makes me miffed. I think it because I an due on and I am slowly transforming into psycho bitch,I kid you not! That is what hubby calls me when the painters and decorators come and visit. So here is my list of things that have really irritated the hell out of me today. Be warned I have fire coming out of my mouth.
1) Left over balloons that pop randomly that make you jump out of your skin and really hurt my ears.
2) NT’s not understanding how change and swapping plans makes me a nervous wreck. One minute I have a plan and then you go along and wreck that by changing it to something completely different. I struggle with flexible thinking but you just say I am treating you bad and it doesn’t matter if I have Asperger as it is all bullshit and I am just being childish. Yep misunderstood or what and let’s face it autism can be displayed in childlike behaviour that is just the nature of the beast!
3) Having long periods of time spend with a person that you are warn out.I love the people put focusing on the social interaction is so hard not to mention the tedious social chit chat. It is also really challenging for me to have to think on my feet and try to comment on the moment. Sometimes my mind just goes blank not because I am bored but it is a real struggle to deal with what is happening and trying to work it all out. It sucks all my energy and sooner or later I will snap as I don’t have any respite till late and if I dare try to go for a break I am viewed as being anti-social and being a misery guts for isolating myself from the situation.
4) Your tone of voice is hurting my ears. To me you hate me and I just want to vanish and hide away. You think I am being mellow dramatic but something deep inside me wants to scream or breakdown in tears.
5) Having to adapt and deal with others gaining control is hard for me as I like control. Having control is comforting and soothing for me . I like to know what is happening and knowing the answers to be then taken off me I feel lost and anxious. It can trigger meltdowns or me wanting to self harm as I hate the situation where I have no control and meant to just go along with it. I can’t participate a little bit as I struggle with the the greyness. I am an all or nothing type of person as I can’t manage the balance where to do what if I am sharing a role. At least with having all the control I can take action and get involved. Alternatively, I can chill out to a certain extend when loss the power giving it to someone else to have that responsibility. But then I ultimately don’t know what the hell is happening causing me to get anxious. I can’t win because I am rubbish at balancing and getting the formation right. So I go back to me being yet another failure in my eyes.
Cheers for reading X