Warning frank and honest post!
I feel like shit, I an autisitic and I am looking after a 4 and 2 year old. My youngest went to nursery earlier and I took the eldest out to teach him to fly a kite. Being autistic is tough and being an autisitic parent is double tough. Constantly feeling like you are winging it and crippled with the guilt of having set backs that some parents don’t have. Worried how fucked up my children will be, never thinking that maybe they might be really understanding others. Because the media gives the impression all the time that parents with disabilities are bad for their development. I an negative, My glass is mostly half empty. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Both conditions interact with my thoughts and most of the time I feel dread of how I am going to manage mentally through out the day. Doubting whether I am doing right or wrong. Spending not enough time or spending too time thay they are clingy and not independent to play by themselves. It’s exhausting trying to get a balance right. I am trying to better myself to accommodate my faults. Paranoid at every stage because I worry about Autism and how that influences me as a mother. The only one good n
thing is I have successfully done was today teaching my son to fly a kite. I’m so proud of myself. OK it is not a lot but for me that is amazing achievement, especially as I did it all by myself. On the flip side I’m exhausted from my DS1 constant questions and attention seeking that I am pooped all afternoon. I have hardly been present and zoned out frequently. Now I feel really down and worry about being such a crap mum. Isn’t it frustrating being an autisitic mum you having to work with unconstructed grey areas that are constabtly shifting.
Anyhow don’t really know what the point of this post is other then if you are a autisitic parent questioning or doubting themselves then your not along with the battle!
Cheer for reading X