I am feeling fed up tonight. My head is spinning and I have already had a meltdown. Grrrrr so bloody frustrated yet again. Seems to be a common theme recently.
I stated a photography course and really enjoy it. My only downfall is that I want to hold onto every piece of information and if I don’t I hate myself. I don’t know if this is typical with someone with Asperger or my personality that influences that. I hate that I can’t remember all the information even though it is rediciously unrealistic. As I struggle to understand instructions so have to really focus on the teacher talking. Not to mention my anxiety is through the roof as it involves practicals that are social. I enjoy the practial just not the unexpected instructions of what is happening. My teacher is a chatty women, lovely and approachable. But she swaps and changes her thoughts quickly. I be honest I find it hard to cope with. I struggle when information is not concrete with ideas or thought processes.
So it is built up over the day plus earlier I had a parenting course. So tired and that affects me just like anyone really. Tomorrow I am going to be exhausted as I had a meltdown. I get so frustrated and with lacking the ability to communicate to my husband. He is very intense and sometimes can be a bit overpowering. Luckily he knows more about our camera then I do. So he can give me clear information and practical, logical way of thinking. It is just frustrated with communicated. I suppose it just blew out of portion with feelings of frustration, anger, shame, hurt, anxiety etc.
I don’t know really want the point is of this post just that I struggle to process information. Therefore getting more and more anxious. Then inturn causes self dealt and mood dropping. Making me want to quit and be a recluse.
Cheers for reading X