Today I feel really depressed and shitty. I have been really struggling with being a mum this weekend. Dread has overshadowed everything and I constantly have that feeling that my throat is being pulled (God dame you anxiety).
I have wrote down my negative thoughts as a way to realise them as you feel so guilty feeling this way.
1) I am shit mum who can not wait till bedtime so I can stop thinking how to entertain children.
2) I want to run away and hide and go somewhere quite so my head can switch off.
3) I am a pathetic excuse fo a mother that can’t even manage a day by herself without support from my husband.
4) I hate life.
5) what the fuck I meant to be doing?!
6) I am not a natural at this, ffs!!
7) I can not cope with intense periods of time with a person, I need to be sectioned.
8) I am going to get a visit from social services as I can’t be bothered to get the paint out.
9) The TV has been on way to long today, my children are going to have damaged relationships later in life.
10) Who in there right minds let me be a mother.
I wrote this when I escaped to my room for a break as I was an emotional wreck. I now realise ny thoughts are a bit far fetched. Nonetheless this is what goes on sometimes and I feel pants because of it. Some are my struggles are down to not being naturally equipped with the right skills as I am autistic.
Cheers for reading X