First Child Vs Second Child

Hey readers,
I am writing this post to tell you my experience of what it is like to ha w a first and second baby and the differences between them. Trust me no child is the same but also you are neither the same. As experience and life shapes you and we are always moving forward weather we like it or not it, fact!
I digress, Here is my top ten list of the differences of having a first and second child.
  1. When I first had my baby boy I was a nervous wreck about everything. My anxiety was flying of the radar. The change was so overwhelming and the feeling of not being in control because I have never done this whole parent business before was emerge. I wanted to be perfect but I learnt fast that was an unrealistic expectation and unreachable!Second baby was a bit more relaxed (I always have anxiety) but felt more aware and knowledgeable second time round. Didn’t fear labour as most of my fear first time round was based around  the unknown.
  2. First time child  I could pay attention wholly on my darling and was a lot easier to have focus on one child.Second time round was intense and very difficult for me as I am not good at multi-tasking. I am autistic I  Iike to pay attention on one thing at one time. Trust me with a inquisitive and excitable toddler that ain’t going happen. My two year old was mental with energy and was bouncing all over the place therefore found it very challenging. I think for both of us in reflection was a difficult transactional period. Now two years on I love it more as my boys are friends sometimes and my youngest can copy my eldest. His speech is better and faster and picks up on things from his brother.
  3. My eldest had one cold in a two year period. Then he attended nursery and has several cold/flu type illnesses. Whereas my second has had several illnesses pre two years old due to my eldest sharing his lovely germs.
  4. With the first baby time was a lot more readily available therefore it was easier going out shopping and the like.Soon as the second one came along it was very, very stressful and struggle for me to manage when out and about. OK lot easier now my son has kissed goodbye to the buggy for good. I don’t have to worry about crashing the double buggy everywhere and running over peoples as much now! It is more manageable now though still don’t do it frequently with two together as I get meltdowns due to being autistic. Luckily I am in a place where I don’t have to worry too much about having to take them both out at the time. Like I said previously I really struggle to multi-task and then add social situations I am diabolical.Second time round I have less time to focus on each boy. However, I have to managed a routine after time and have adapted within my means. I am very lucky that my eldest picked up potty training in a week and that includes at night. So when it is nappy changing I just focus on including my son as a little helper so he doesn’t feel left out.
  5. With my first child I learnt the hard way with to make sure that everything was out of reach as soon as he could walk. In contrast the second child is a breeze with safety as I had prior experience with it and already got a lot of safety features in the home.
  6. When I was weaning my first child I was advised to baby led weaning which as typical me I took as Gospel. I went to the group and followed the rules to the book. The downfall was I took everything literal therefore when they said the child had to use their hand I did just that. I didn’t use any utensils as they said they had to experiment and learn for them selves. Being autistic common sense lacks and finding a medium ground is something that I fail badly with. No one explains instructions clearly therefore I find these periods of learning extremely stressful and it can really get me down.Second time round with weaning  I said fuck the rules and the stress. With weaning the first time round taught me to do with what I wanted to do. OK the child was more compliant which made it a hell of a lot more easier  but I was more relaxed and I believe that influences parenting experience for all. 
  7. When I had my first child I sterilised everything and had a panic attack if the lid of the bottle fell on the fall. Compare this to the second where the three second rule applies right?! My thoughts are germs will help build his immune system and playing in mud is part of sensory play right 😉
  8. As a new mum you want to try EVERY thing and get so absorbed in trying to be a perfect mother so therefore.o attended the dreaded baby group. The most boring thing in the world was attended thoa groups. They nearly killed me with the stress of it and the social situations. I just found them so boring and the chat well was beyond tedious. I an just not one of them mums and certainly perfer structure play and not to be around small talk. Second time round I attended the baby groups and decided enough was enough. I am going to go to dance group and the library group as I enjoy them as they are structured and love stories and songs over messy play 😉 pressure is not on so much and feel much more laidback about the issues around making sure my baby interacts properly. He has a older sibling so he is not going miss out. lol. 
  9. When settling my eldest to sleep we cuddled him to sleep and then put him into his cot. where he would sleep soundly most through the night. In sharp contrast with having two children we put them together in their own bed in the same room and often leave them to get on with it. As they share a bedroom this impacted on them. Once we dropped the side of the cot for my youngest he would not settle at first. This impacted both my boys sleep settling as my youngest found it at first a novelty. So we had to stay there sitting with both boysfell a sleep. However, one would wake up and crawl into the others bed. Normally my youngest as he is very affectionate and they would most of the time sleep together in one bed cramped together. Now, though it is more of.a morning ritual for the boys to cuddle in bed but at least us parents can have five minutes peace before the mayhem begins.
  10. When documenting baby’s development you covered it and monitored intensely compared to the second child and you have some prints hitten away. But at least with the second time round you are not on tender hooks as you know roughly what to expect. The major valuable lesson is that each child is different and will do what they want in their own time. Even if it is not what you expected most time you will find a way of muddling through.

Cheers for reading X

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14 thoughts on “First Child Vs Second Child

  1. Brilliant post that I read eagerly. I'm 99% on board with trying for #2 and I read blog posts like this with determination. It doesn't sound as scary as I make it in my mind. I, too, couldn't hack baby group… went twice and was bored stiff with the idle, polite chit chat. We have been a lot happier walking down to our local farm or through the woods or down to the beach. You should be incredibly proud of yourself, well done mummy xx#bestandworst


  2. This was an interesting post. We are thinking about baby number 2 in a year or so and I often find myself wondering what the differences will be. I assumed that emotionally it would be easier as I would kind of know what to expect with birth and the early days etc but the logistics of how it will work having two kids to look after scares me a bit. The main thing I worry about is if my daughter will feel neglected when there's another baby around as she is so used to having me all to herself! #bestandworst


  3. I was pretty laid back with this child and I can definitely see being even more laid back with a second baby. There just isn't enough time or energy to be perfectionist on stuff, though I am worried about the going out in public aspect with two heh


  4. This makes me feel better about having another! I think knowing what is coming with labour helps and I bet you are more relaxed about stuff as you have done it all before. True the second just has to fit in!! Great post and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xxx


  5. That is understandable but there things to do to help tour daughter feel included such as getting her a gift when baby is born and getting to help with nappy changes even if it is just handing over the nappy she will feel part of it. It think just making sure she has some one on one time also making her feel special. It gets easier after a routine gets q stabilised and your child will get more older and independent. X


  6. Thank you and sometimes being laid back cab help create calmness. I wish I was more laid back but my husband is that has helped keep things calm. I thing you just practice and learn your limits and where to make.improvements X


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