Reminiscing on the time when I was blessed with having my first child I remember all those mixed feelings ranging from excitement, love, happiness, optimism, scared, paranoid, frightened, hopeful, dread, worry all rolled into one day, it is exhausting. It is such a massive change to have a child. It is such an experience from being at hospital with all the support from the staff to be suddenly leave or home is very frightening experience. I never felt so frightened with the unknown and doubting how I was going to cope with something so small and precious. Massive realisation of knowing that I was my sons carer for all his needs and having this massive responsibility was just overwhelming.
I remember the first night at home, my husband was in the middle of a phone call in the other room and I was in thr living room with my son and ending up getting myself in a state and having the biggest panic attack ever. It was terrfifing knowing that this is now my reality. No one in the pregnancy classes talks about emotions/mental health and how very delicate you are when your new born arrives. The whole experience feels so isolating and a very lonely place to be. It does not help with the sleep deprivation enhancing emotions making the smallest thing blow at of proportion. Though do not fear it does get better with time and experience I thought I would offer my top ten list of things I wish someone would of told me when I had my first born.
- It’s ok to bottle feed your not less of a woman because you do it. You do what is right for you.
- Go out, don’t stay in for six weeks it’s utter bollocks. Don’t let the walks cave in nothing beats a bit of fresh air and new scenery.
- Save your money don’t invest in parent books, focus more on you and what you think.
- Trust in yourself you know more then you think
- Forget the washing, have a sleep, you earned it and you are granted permission to live in a pig sty.
- Somethings as a mother don’t come nature for instance it took me about six months to grasp how to change a nappy and work the frigging sterliser. You have skills some are better then others it doesn’t make you a crap parent your just human. We all have stengh and weaknesses. Just learn to work with them and you will get through it.
- Write a blog, you feel less lonely and feel connected more with ‘real’ mummies
- Learn to love YouTube, it will help you during those late night feeds
- Ask for help, no shame in it, if anything it is strength that you recognise a problem and your willing to get it sorted out.
- This notion of supermum is purely fantasy we all make mistakes, mess up but we love our children non the less.