Hope your keeping well. This week has gone so fast that I have only noticed that today is Friday, where does time go, I’m getting old!
Anyhow, to sum up my week in a word would be
Sometime in life you filled with what ifs and crippling guilt, mine mostly revolves around being a mummy and trying achieved this unreachable ideal that if I am honest I will never achieve. Not to mention the constant pressure of reading about this whole notion of appreciating your child every second of every bloody day, time is short and never get it back mentality. I will be honest here it’s hard so hard that I am so absorbed with trying to hold on to them moments that I lose out in just being and having fun with my children. The fact of the matter is my children will grow up and get older and that is something that is out of my control!. Yes it is sad but you know you have a problem when it titally absorbs you and get lost in that realm of fear and dread every single day. It is a horrible place to be when all you think about is time ticking by and the fear of the unknown. Did I ever mention that not being in control.
I went to a fire service open day with my son on Saturday and the battery of my camera was dead, I was even in the middle of dragging my son away to town to purchase a disposable camera as my thoughts were I need a photo and if I don’t get a photo my life will fall apart. I was stressed, anxious and generally just plan miserable. Till I spoke to my husband who brought me back to reality in that so what if I don’t get photos just being with my son and creating memories is so more important. This negative feelings is not making me nor my children happy and what counts is to just enjoy the moment and don’t put pressure on your self. My son is so much more happier when I am relaxed and generally not giving a fuck, that is what he will remember the fun times, not a sodding photograph. It is so hard in this social media times to get bogged down with these stupid messages of pressure. What is most important is to accept your child will grow up and yes it is sad but it is more important to enjoy the time with your children. They will always have them memories and you can’t capture everything nor can you remember it, it is just not possible. So accepting that fact that and try to chill out take some snaps but don’t let it take you away from being in the moment. I need to remind myself that what is important is my children’s happiness. Letsd just remember pre digitital photograph when disposiasbke cameras were taken and that was that, not everything documented and nothing terrible happened. I certainly still cherish good times so it is not the end of the world.
Thanks for reading X