Thought I would write my seven pieces of so called advice given to me that to be honest should of not been said. Have you noticed the moment you become pregnant with your first baby everybody even strangers want to give their two piece of advice. Frankly at times all I wanna is to stick gaffa tape on their mouth s and to tell them to shut the f**k up. Because what I really want is caffeine and sleep which is hard enough to get without the added pressure to meet these grand expectations. I used to be so self-conscious with my first to meet these demands placed upon me but with my second my attitude changed with experience and attitude. Therefore I am going to indulge you with the best of seven (to name but a few) of unhelpful advice.
- To NEVER say no to your child because they won’t understand it and you should let them understand positive words only. Well I followed this advice (did I fook) my son’s need to understand that they can not always get what they want, in life you have to learn the hard way sometimes. Could you imagine if I said to my son ‘that’s OK you go and explore’ the socket. Yes, you can have that chocolate/ride/piece of crap anything you want. No chance!
- That I need to get rid of my cat as it is potentially dangerous as he will suffocate my baby. Well, let me tell you this that my cat is afraid of babies and went away every time the baby was in the room. Also, I’m with my son all the time and when he is in our room/nursery my cat can not be alone in the rooms, not that he even attempted anyway (he is a very lazy cat). My cat has also been a tool to teach my boys how to be gentle and not pull the cats hair out and get swiped with its claws. Has happened the once but never again.
- When I had my newborn I was told to relax and sleep. Well very mu h dealt that as it is my forst and this whole experience is new to me. The massive change is enough to send your anxiety levels through the roof and there is no God same manual. I will be honest with you i knew nothing about changing nappies and it took me six months to remember the process of using the steriliser. Everyone is talking about for sudden death syndrome not to mention the feeds and exhaustion and you telling me to relax! Lols!
- Let your baby cry themselves to sleep, well I compromise depending on the situation of giving the boys five minutes and then I will comfort them. I don’t care if people think my boys will be needy, I want them to know that I love them and comfort them within reason.
- MIL saying that bottle formula is as good as giving red bush tea so what is the point of giving it him. Yes, I bottle feed and yes I have been crippled with guilt but I made the decision to use formula. The reason being is that I am autistic and no amount of professionals can help me with my coordination. They can tell me over and over again how to position baby etc. It’s my coordination I no how to do it but but putting it into practice I fail. I got to the point that my negative feelings were boardline causing me the risk of having postnatal depression so therefore I decided to use formula milk. This was the best decision for me and my boys. With regards to the quality of formula verse breast milk well research has shown that formula is pretty much similar in properties with breast milk. I accept that best is breast but this rule does not apply to everyone for whatever reason. The bottom line is that you do what feels right for you as a mother, everyone is unique.
- Just a general umbrella of all those flipping irritating people that you have never met before and do not know your child. It feels like they have some sort of psychic gift in understanding my child and his needs. No, they are not tired nor are they hungry they are simply teething and in a fowl mood. Therefore they will torture you with their high pitched scream and making me want to hide away from all these interfering old biddies. Leave me and my grumpy pants child alone!
- Just self help books generally by so called experts without children trying to tell me their way of child rearing is best. Well once I had second child gone all of my seld help books were gone because now I feel confident in my own parenting that I don’t need to listen to silly opinions. This has been the best decision by far as it has saved a lot of heasrtasvhe and parentialal anxiety.