clouds

One of my favourite past times is to watch clouds particularity when the sky is so blue and the clouds are so fluffy. Sometimes I think of when I was a child looking up and thinking that the clouds went on and on, never really ending. I just love the sun shining down and watching the clouds float about their day. I like to make patterns and see what kind of formation I can make and guess what companion thinks siting with me on the warm grass of a hot summer. These things are free but so beautifully forgotten about.

 

Buying Instagram Followers

Hey readers,

I am going to be quite open and frank about this, potentially viewed as controversial BUT a lot of people do it.  That thing that I am talking about is buying Instagram followers and so many people that have spoken to have suggested it, I won’t name them because I am nice like that.

instagram follow

So I thought I would give it a go, why not, in for a penny etc and see the effects it has on my social media stats etc. So I brought 4000 in total, the problem is I have an addictive personality and always get that love for that instant hit. But here is the thing yes stats went but so what, the initial excitement of just getting likes/followers was a buzz at first, I can not deny that. But then I hated it because it did not feel organic and like a typical addictive personality it was short lived.

insta

Yes there is loads of numbers but it didn’t feel right and lost interest very quickly. I used to prior buying followers enjoy the fact that people out of the own free will with no temptation come to my pictures like them and if I am lucky then they may follow. That is what I miss, the honesty, even if I didn’t have much of a follow, I felt good about myself. Not dirty and dishonest. Hence why I deleted my account and set a new that would grow naturally.

sad

So, from my own curiosity it is not worth the money, it is short lived or properly I am guessing can get very addictive and artificial. If you have like me too many feelings then it really is not worth in the long run. To much hassle and then you loose the Instagram love. I definitely safe my money and spend it on crap from Poundland instead.

Cheers for reading X

 

why being a woman sucks!

Hey readers,

Sometimes being a female can be lovely but other times it can totally suck. Let me tell you the things that I hate as a women.

I suppose the most obvious one is periods, which occur typically once a month where your emotions are all over the place and if that is not bad enough, you have blood for five to seven days leaking out of your vagina.

U by Kotex Brand shocked facepalm smh period GIF

A pain is having to wear bras and dealing with twisted straps, it is so frustrating.

The size of female clothing is ridiculous and varies from one shop to the next. Men have it is so much easier because they have a certain measurement that fits where as different sizes occur in women’s fashion, grrrrrr.

Feeling that if you have too many emotions going on then your not taking serious to the point where people deem you as being a drama queen.

 sad no baby crying emotions GIF

Pressures of being thin and trying to be this perfect ideal is horrible and you feel crap most of the time because I am so fucking fat.

You can’t pee anywhere, you have to find a suitable place to sit. I am so jealous of men that can piss anywhere including a bottle.

This expectation that us females are good at cooking, talking and all the other crappy stereotypes, not round here mate.

The pain of having to frequently  shave your legs in the summer if you want to wear a skirt.

If you chose to wear miscara are or eye make up and restraining yourself from rubbing your eyes or else you end up looking like Alice Cooper’s sister.

This idea that females are meant to be good at communicating and that we all love small talk. Well I don’t and I am suitable shit at, not to mention saying things at the wrong time.

Cheers for reading X

 

The day in the life of a depressive

Hey readers,

Today I woke up elevated with thoughts of all sorts of possibilities and within ten minutes everything got shot down again. You see depression for me anyway is not where you sit in corner and cry 24/7 – though there have been times when I have done that. But I feel depression is not simply the black cloud that hangs above but it is all sorts of emotions that I experience during the day.

abstract 1

This may seem an odd thing to say but there are glimpses of happiness that can last 30 seconds to five minutes and I have even been know to laugh. You would think nothing was wrong with me, but you will be fooled.

Then my brain reminds  me of how shit my life is and how I mess up everything, and majority of the time it can be rooted to my autism. I don’t care what people’s views are living with autism is no walk in the park and it is hard to deal with. Sometimes, I just want to have a break from myself and then just stop the work. It is exhausting and emotionally draining, which affects my mood deeply.

abstract 2

The next feeling could be agitation and just general hopelessness of being  stuck  in a situation that I have no  control over.

Anger comes along when I have to listen to the next person who tells me that it is mind over matter and that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. Don’t let the autism get the way they chant, but basically everyone can fuck I want to  be dead. For that one second sometimes you think the world would be better if I simply didn’t exist then having to deal with the nonsense circulates around my head.

abstract 3

But then there are moments that are beautiful that are full of wonder and amazement that I can almost think I have achieved something good that day.

Until you start crying randomly at some music that brings it all back and all the negativity is refaced.

You see depression isn’t just one set of emotion, I have only named a few in this post but I want people to be aware that this mental illness is not just dichotomy and that it is much more complicated then what the media portray.

Cheers for reading X